Vijay 69 (विजय 69)

Vijay-ji.

The Lord is my shepherd.

- There is nothing I shall want… - It's okay.

I assumed he'd gone for a walk.

I even called out, from the taxi.

But maybe he didn't hear me.

Had I known he was going to kill himself, I'd…

Oho, Mrs Bakshi!

Do you know they didn't find Vijay uncle's body?

He's definitely coming back as a ghost.

If they didn't find his body, how did they know…?

Bakshi aunty saw him alone at the seaside.

Then those boys saw that he jumped.

Mummy said they are true gentleman for informing us.

Please be seated.

- Mr Bathena? - Yes?

- Please. - Oh, yes.

Sorry, I'm so sorry.

Yes.

First of all, my heartfelt condolences to the family.

Deeksha, Akhil, and Abhishek.

It's Abhimanyu, Uncle, not Abhishek.

Sorry, son. Abhimanyu.

Vijay and I met 30 years ago.

He had brought his wife to my cancer care centre.

Anna stayed in my hospital for seven years,

and Vijay and I became best of friends.

So many memories.

I don't even know where to start.

For example, we used to play a lot of rummy.

Score was 126-all.

Actually, I think I was leading 126 to 125.

But how do I argue with a dead chap? Cheater!

And Vijay was not just good at rummy.

He was our colony's champion dancer too.

He won the Garba Night trophy three whole times.

But yes, one time it was controversial

because Mrs Bakshi was the judge.

Your favourite, right?

Favouritism.

Father, just wait… I'm just checking if I've missed anything.

Oh yes, of course.

Vijay… is not dead.

Vijays never die!

What the hell?!

Vijay!

Papa?

- Grandpa? - Vijay!

What nonsense is this?

- Told you! Ghost! - Whoa! Yes.

Why is my photo up there?

Vijay!

Whaddup, guys. Welcome back to Shock-a-lock a Baby.

Your daily dose of shocking stories.

Yes, I'm very excited today.

Because last week I showed you two frogs getting married.

But today, we have Vijay Mathew,

who turned up at the church for his own funeral.

And behind this door lives "Second-chance Vijay,"

who, I'm sure, is happy to be alive, bro.

Ready?

Boom!

Dumbfuck!

- Papa! - Sorry.

Rascal. Hypocrite.

Bottom-feeding frog in a well!

Why would I commit suicide? Tell me.

I don't come home once and you gathered the whole neighbourhood!

You organised a prayer meeting? And you even bought a coffin!

Don't turn this on us.

Where were you all night? Explain!

The police were looking for your body till 6:00 in the morning.

- I went for a walk, bro. - Without your cell phone?

- It was charging. I forgot it, child. - Don't "child" me.

I'll get a neck leash for your phone. Then you'll never forget it.

Mrs Bakshi, please.

- You keep quiet. - What, please?

Why were you standing at the edge of the sea, like this? She saw you.

That's my diving pose.

When I look into the sea, my inner swimmer awakens.

Look at this photo.

- This is ridiculous. - But that is not the point.

The point is, why did you get a coffin without finding my body? Why?

Why didn't you come home all night?

That is also the point.

Come on, I was having drinks with Kishore.

In your hospital.

Then Kishore fell asleep

and I passed out in the room behind the dormitory.

So if you were passed out there,

then who did those local boys see jumping into the ocean?

They said he was an old codger wearing rags. A dirty man...

- You're the old codger, you son of a gun. - Papa!

One minute. One minute. Yes.

There was a beggar there.

He was wearing old rags. He must have jumped.

- Yes! - Correct!

That solves it. I'm telling you.

Let's celebrate. Let's party.

But the beggar's body wasn't found?

- Oh, you dumbfuck... - Really, Papa! Let's go, Akhil.

So nice to see you again, Abhishek.

It's Abhimanyu.

- So sorry. - One moment.

Have some tea at least.

Call for some savouries too. Why not?

Stop acting like everything is normal, Papa.

Why are you getting upset?

I should be the one getting mad

that you're sitting with my coffin before I'm dead!

Don't act over-smart.

After Mummy's passing, you've become very careless.

You're still reeking of beer. You know that?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I promise that after today, I will never drink alcohol again. Happy?

- Really? - Yes. Come on, smile.

- Grow up. - My dear, listen to me.

She's right. But welcome back.

Thank you, son.

- Hello, my child. - I love you, Grandpa.

- Sorry, my dear. - Akhil!

Viju, I'm so happy that you're not dead.

What are you doing, Mrs. Bakshi?

- Okay. - Please. Thank you.

Vijay, I'll get going too. I'm really tired.

- Okay, but don't do such a thing again. - Sure.

Next time, I'll wait for you to die.

Very funny. What are these papers in your hand?

- Nothing. - Show me.

- I'll... - Show me!

- It's personal... - Show me!

Sit down!

I said sit down!

"Vijay's Eulogy."

Hey, are you going to say anything?

You lousy pyjama-dwelling rat!

Actually, it's better you don't speak.

Rummy player? Garba dancer?

Debate champion in grade ten?

I "died" and this is what you wrote about me?

But you didn't die, did you?

But you didn't know that.

Now wait till you die.

See what speech I give for you.

Bloody failed compounder.

Horny ward boy.

The hospital sweeper. Where do you think you're going?

You may not think you're an old man,

but my bladder reminds me daily that I am.

I'll have a tinkle and come.

Delay your tinkle. Sit down.

You rascal, we've been friends for so many years.

And you know nothing about my life?

About my achievements?

So sorry, buddy. For future reference, what could I have said?

- Lots of things! - For example?

- For example? - Yes?

I was a bronze medal list in National Swimming Championship.

Year?

In 1976. Yes.

Wow! Congratulations. And?

And?

Anna used to say that if I'd continued swimming,

I could have made it to the Asian Games.

A swimmer with potential? Wow!

- Yes! - Fantastic.

Anything else? More?

More?

I can't remember more because I'm pissed off.

Vijay, what we dreamed we'd become

and what we actually became…

This is everyone's story.

I'm happy you're alive.

Yes.

All right, then. Get some rest.

Akhil, you're not opening your mouth in time.

Come on, focus. Like this.

Watch it. Watch this.

- Wow. - Your cake, sir.

- Lovely! - It's a lovely cake.

Papa, come on, we're cutting the cake.

But I'm teaching him.

- Akhil! - Papa, training later. Come.

Okay, coming.

Happy birthday to you.

- Happy birthday, Mummy. - Happy birthday to you.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

- Here. - Happy birthday, my girl.

Thank you, Papa.

Bless you.

I'll get going now.

No, Papa. It's my birthday, you can't leave.

Meet Jaag and Sunny.

Jaag. Like the car.

- Good to meet you, Uncle. - Jaguar.

They moved into our building just three months ago.

From the US.

Jaag is a motivational speaker and he runs a company called...

Ja Su It!

Sorry?