NCIS

Dispatch, 1-4 on scene. Possible trespass in progress.

1-4 copy. Will notify.

What do you see, rookie?

Not much, Sarge.

Looks empty.

Maybe just a false alarm?

Maybe. But we should take a closer look.

Trust me. Take 30 seconds now,

save three hours later.

Ooh.

Do they always smell so bad?

Come on, rook, this here's a four-star alleyway.

Urine-free. Not a rat in sight.

Mm. Oh, God!

Guess you found our trespasser.

Is he...

dead?

Sure smells it.

Check his pulse.

I'll call it in.

Turn off the light, please.

Did he just talk?

Yes.

And I said turn off the light.

- Trying to sleep here. - Aw, for real?

- Another drunk sailor? - What do you expect?

The entire Second Fleet is anchored just offshore.

We're being invaded.

Oh, yeah. Let's go!

Hey, stop! Police!

Tell me, rook, do we ever leave the keys in the car?

No, ma'am.

It's our top priority, Chief. We got a BOLO out

on your stolen squad car. When we find it,

these sailors are looking at serious charges.

Yeah. Yeah, tell me about it.

Last year's Fleet Week was a cakewalk compared to this one.

It's like there's something in the water.

Look, Chief, I got to go.

Okay, please tell me this isn't your work.

Oh, no. No, they did this to one another.

Early-morning bar fight.

Typical NCIS. Always riding us.

Give us a break, man. We've been at sea for months.

We're just trying to have a good time.

They almost killed each other.

Not even close.

You know, you guys are total fun police.

What'd I tell you about calling us that, man?

Okay, okay, okay. Just get 'em to the garage.

We're holding everybody there till their commands

can pick them up. Go.

- Let's go. - Lead the way, fun police.

Yeah, no, no, no. Uh, understood.

We'll, uh, we'll do our best.

McGee, MPD needs an update on their stolen squad car.

Yes, uh... I had Kasie pull up its GPS,

but, unfortunately, it is malfunctioning.

Tell you what, though... least it has GPS.

'Cause you know what doesn't? Goats.

- Goats? - Yeah.

Goats. Eyewitnesses saw a sailor

release them from an enclosure on the National Mall.

Now I get to put out a BOLO.

Why are there goats on the Mall?

Nature's lawn mowers, man.

National Park Service uses them to cut the grass

without using gas.

Actually right.

Can we help you?

- Oh, it's... - Oh, no, no, no.

He's with me. He's mine.

Sorry, sorry.

I told you to stay with me.

- I'm sorry, pretty lady. - Mm.

Found him doing pull-ups in a cherry blossom tree.

Mm. Why is he wearing a banner?

Because that's all he's wearing, Tim.

- Oops. - Ooh.

Oh! Okay.

So, let's... yeah, let's just keep this... okay.

Let's just keep that on.

Can we get him some clothes, please?

Paulson, can, uh, you take this sailor

down to autopsy and have Jimmy give him a fresh pair of scrubs?

Yeah, maybe some munchies, too?

- No, it's okay. You can go. - Come on, champ.

This way. That's it.

Is it me or is Fleet Week crazy this year?

Yeah, and it feels really wrong.

I mean, everybody's out here celebrating,

meanwhile in here, we're still...

Yeah. Well, we went straight from Director Vance's funeral

last week to the chaos of Fleet Week.

It's like we haven't had the chance

to process anything.

Well, the world moves on.

DoD just sent another memo.

They want Vance's office cleared out by Friday.

In the middle of Fleet Week?

What's the rush? Interim director

hasn't even set foot in the building.

Well, don't get too attached.

We'll probably get five more just like him

before they settle on someone.

We'll just have to find the time.

Or not.

Oh, my phone's dead. What's it say?

The BOLO came back on the stolen squad car.

Sailors abandoned it across the river.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, MPD is not gonna be too happy.

Ooh.

How the hell

did they even do this?

I mean, look at these parked cars.

There's not a scratch on them.

Well, maybe they parked there after the crash.

And who parks next to a crashed police car?

Eh, it's pretty hard to find a spot in this part of town.

Hey, Tim, tell me you found a security camera.

We need to see how this happened.

Well, the café doesn't have any, so we still have

no idea on the sailors who did this.

Well, maybe I can pull some fingerprints

from the inside of the car.

- Yeah, I'll take some photos. - All right.

So, how'd the, uh, MPD chief take the news?

Better than I thought. I think Fleet Week is wearing him down.

Can't say I blame him.

You know, of all my Fleet Weeks,

I've never seen anything like this.

I got to say, could've been a lot worse.

At least nobody got hurt.

Found a key fob.

You were saying?

The body in the trunk belongs to Petty Officer

Third Class Kyle Rivas, he was a machinist's mate

aboard the USS Allegiance.

They docked in Baltimore for Fleet Week.

Well, half the guys we picked up this week

were from the Allegiance.

Hey. Do we know that guy?

Is that Joey Deets?

What are they doing up here?

Uh, the restrooms downstairs are out of order,

so we're allowing them to use the facilities on this level.

- Great. - Just ignore them.

According to our victim's XO,

Rivas was a dedicated sailor

with a perfect service record.

Not the type to steal a police car.

Well, except that it looks like he did.

Or at least, went along for the ride.

Fingerprints were all over the passenger seat.

Who was driving?

Seaman Daniel Harvey.

We found his fingerprints

on the steering wheel.

Shipmates say that Harvey and Rivas

were best friends, and that they were even liberty buddies

during Fleet Week.

Aren't liberty buddies supposed

to keep each other out of trouble?

We also found Harvey's prints on the murder weapon.

Oh, damn.

- Joey Deets is dead? - Can somebody please

get these guys out of here?

Still got to use the bathroom.

Not cool, fun police.

- Okay, I'm gonna hit him. - All right, all right.

Hey, hey, hey.

All right, where is our missing car thief now?

Uh, AWOL for the past 12 hours.

We have a BOLO out on him.

These guys are from the same town,

they joined the Navy together, they're best friends.

What the hell happened last night?

They met a girl.

Got Rivas's phone here.

Battery was dead so I had to charge it.

Look at the last photo that was taken.

Now, time stamp says that it was taken

after they stole the squad car,

but only an hour before Rivas's time of death.

She's probably the last person to see Rivas alive.

We need to find her.

It's just disrespectful.

We're not the fun police,

we're the "keeping you safe" police.

Why don't they get that?

Oh, come on, Nick.

Sailors have been calling us this for years.

It's nothing new.

Eh, it's just different now.

You mean, after Vance?

Yeah, I get that.

Vance sacrificed everything so we could keep doing this job.

Hurts to hear them trivialize what we do.

Yeah. It's also not very clever, you know?