Wave, Listen to Me! (波よ聞いてくれ)

All right, folks.

Time for Minare Koda's Wave, Listen to me!

It's 3:30 AM, people. Why are you still up?

I'm Minare Koda and I earn my living

making sure you have the best mindless,

yet strangely entertaining,

Sapporo noise blasting through your radio.

Well. I hope this thoroughly riveting intro

has been everything you've been hoping for.

But I'm not sure what'll happen from this point.

Right now, I'm in trouble.

There's something glaring at me.

A brown bear.

Hear that? No, I'm not at the zoo.

I'm up in the mountains! By a stream!

The bear is on the other side about 15 meters away from me!

Thought we might change things up a bit.

Well, surprise! I'm reporting to you live from Mt. Sapporo!

Oh yeah. This could go south real fast.

So I hope you really enjoy tonight's broadcast

because it may be the last one I ever do!

And I'm still receiving messages left and right

despite my impending death.

Cool. I'll do my best indoor voice

so I don't provoke the predator.

Wouldn't wanna die without the honor of

helping you guys out with your life issues first.

"Good evening, Minare. I've been listening to you

since your very first chaotic episode.

Last week I confessed my love to a superior

at the office and got shot down.

I'm devastated. I really wanted it to work out.

I wish I could just hit the reset button

and decide not to say anything. I'm a complete mess.

Things are super awkward at work, and on top of that,

the stupid National Tax Agency keeps robbing me blind.

Can I get a reset option on taxes, too?

Am I supposed to go to the Ministry of Health,

Labor, and Welfare, now?"

Well, lemme see.

I'm gonna make this kinda quick 'cause that bear looks hungry.

I've got a blog recommendation for you.

You know Master Naruto, the former sumo champion?

Look it up. It'll change your life.

"Good evening, My name is Busamen

and I'm a fashion student."

"Hoping you can help me figure out what's up with

my girlfriend. She smells amazing.

The problem is she smells so good

she's starting to attract butterflies,

especially in her armpits and, you know, 'down there.'"

"What freaks me out the most, though,

is that every morning we wake up

to find they've laid eggs there, too."

"Am I right to be freaked out or is she some kind of goddess?

Should I be starting a new religion?" Wow.

Uh, there's still a bear in front of me.

But let's focus on you.

Master Naruto's blog should also help you find

peace with her new "gifts."

"I love roasted pineapple, but the peer pressure

I've been getting from haters is starting to drive me nuts."

Are you freaking kidding me?

Okay! I'm gonna explain this to you guys one more time!

I'm broadcasting live from the woods

right next to a giant bear,

and I don't even know if I'll make it out of here alive!

If he takes two more steps,

you could be hearing my limbs getting ripped off,

but I'm still trying to provide the counsel you count on!

He's coming closer!

These are my final moments, friends.

I'm begging you, please ask me something substantial

so I can feel like I'm providing advice and

helping people with real problems,

not just fruit disputes and pervy moths!

"I don't know why,

but anytime I think about my future,

I feel this awful sense of doom.

I was wondering if you've ever felt that way yourself?"

Are you serious?

Yes, I've felt that way-- you know, like right now!

I dunno, maybe you're spending too much time indoors.

Go outside and take a walk.

Get over yourself and quit being so depressing!

"Decided to try going cold turkey,

but my mood swings are out of control.

I picked a fight with some kids for no reason.

They ended up beating my face

for two hours straight last night."

Sounds like you need to stay in bed

and think about what you've done.

Also Master Naruto's blog. Trust me!

Better than overpaying some shrink!

No, not right now.

I only have five more minutes left!

Okay. Next message says!

"Good evening, Miss Minare.

I'm a married professional living in Sapporo.

I'm 26 years old, just like you, and I'm hoping you can relate."

"There's a man in my building that we'll call Mr. B.

He's a year older and also married.

We hit it off and have a lot in common,

including the number of years we've been married.

It was nice having someone to talk to

and we became friends and outlets for each other.

We grew closer until one day we had se--"

"We started having an affair."

"I was filled with a deep emotional and physical

satisfaction that I hadn't felt in years with my husband.

I was terrified of the repercussions,

but couldn't seem to stop myself."

"Three days later, Mr. B invited me

to join him at another hotel.

This time, I took a breath and turned him down.

I was desperately afraid of

losing my mind from emotional conflict."

Oh? Guess the weather's changing.

This is about to get good.

Great, mixing this is going to be a pain.

Don't get me wrong,

my husband is a wonderful man, and I do love him.

It's just that the chemistry I have with Mr. B is unbelievable!

Wait, why is she shouting now?

She's supposed to pant as she gets weaker and weaker

until we hear the sound of a bear chewing.

Why's she going off script?

It's not gonna make the plot any less painful.

It's fine. I like where this is going.

Unbelievable. Really now?

Miss Minare? She's decided to fight the bear!

I dunno, should you spend the rest of your life

with your husband who hasn't left you

even though you deserve it?

Or do you build a new future out of temptation and lust

because you can't find a way to pry your legs off some greasy,

pathetic liar with a strong jawline and bad taste?

Look, I've gotta fight a bear right now and

honestly I don't have a damn thing to say to you.

You made a vow, then threw it away.

Finding someone to bang is easy. Finding love isn't!

You need to wake up!

Moving on to the next message!

"I'm a 41-year old professional."

"I've started noticing the effects of aging recently.

And it's taking its toll!"

"Before I go to bed, I complete my sacred ritual of youth.

I take a walk around my neighborhood wearing

my favorite coat. And nothing else.

But the other day, I was spotted by authorities and arrested."

"I used to be able to outrun them

when I was in my thirties."

"When I went home to my wife, she handed me the divorce papers

without a word and then my daughter told me

all the ways she wished I would die."

"How soon they forget that I'm the reason

they've got a roof over their heads

and food on their plates every day."

Can you add anything that sounds like an injured bear?

Not really.

Best I can do is a dog howl pitched down.

"Have you got any encouraging words

for someone struggling with anxiety?"

Yeah. Take care of yourself. You don't wanna die!

Just believe in yourself, buddy! Don't let age define you!

Let that-- Let all that negativity go and be free!

Sure, you may fall down.

But you'll always have someone there to help you back up

as long as you strive to be a good person,

and yes, this is a case of do as I say, not as I do!

I'm working on it though, all right?

This is harder than it looks.

What's wrong with me?

Everyone I know is so positive!

Perfect people are everywhere!

And if that's the case, how in the world,

how did I end up dating the only asshole out there?

I'll tell you how.

It's because people are mirrors for each other.

I don't get it.

I don't know why you insist on unloading your baggage

onto the listeners during the ad-lib segment.

Every single time.

How did I get here?

I'm sure I had some kind of reason for doing this, right?

Ugh, no fair!

After 25, it should be illegal for a guy to break up with you!

My super power is that

I can get over any tragic event in five days.

Except maybe my parent's death.

Catch is, on the fifth day, I turn into a train wreck.

How could I not see it coming?

I would've left his ass first! Don't think I wouldn't!

Uh. Yeah. I believe you.

This guy's Kanetsugu Mato.

A total rando I met about 40 minutes ago.

I know your name,

but you never told me how old you are.

My guess is 53!

Nope, I'm still 49.