Jane the Virgin

Finally! Welcome back.

Let's review, shall we?

This is Jane.

You'll recall she was accidentally inseminated

by Rafael's sperm.

This is their baby, Mateo.

Adorable, right?

And this is Detective Michael Cordero Jr.

And after a lot of back and forth

and back again, well,

Jane and Michael finally got married.

I pronounce you husband and wife.

And I may be biased,

but can I just say-- best wedding ever.

I mean, this is everything, right?

And it was thrown by Jane's father,

international telenovela star

Rogelio de la Vega.

This is Jane's mother,

Xiomara and, man,

Rogelio loved her.

But alas,

he wanted kids, and she didn't,

and so they broke up.

And in a moment of weakness,

Xo slept with his nemesis, Esteban.

And, well, this happened. I warned you.

I told you I bust out of condoms.

I know!

Straight out of a telenovela, right?

Well, imagine this.

Rafael also had twins with his ex-wife, Petra.

Oh, this is Petra.

And this is Petra's twin sister, Anezka.

And, well...

this happened.

And poor Petra ended up...

And then Anezka moved in on Rafael.

I know, cray cray, right?

Even crazier?

This is Rafael's sister, Luisa.

She used to date Rose, otherwise known as

the criminal Sin Rostro.

But now she was dating Michael's partner,

Susanna, or she thought she was.

And, friends, this

is the hard part.

See, Jane and Michael were about to have sex.

But then... Don't go anywhere.

I won't. ...he ran into Susanna.

And suddenly realized... You're the mole, you've been leading us

to Mutter this whole time

Why? Who are you working for?

Now, come on.

It's time to go.

Which, friends,

I'm afraid is where we left off.

For as long as anyone can remember,

Jane Gloriana Villanueva

believed in the epic love story.

You know, two people destined for each other

overcoming obstacles

before finally finding their way

into one another's arms.

That's right, the stuff of romance novels.

So her very first book reading...

well, it was a very big deal.

"And though she vowed she would never love a soldier,

"even though she knew

"he was going to leave for Paris

"at the end of the month,

Noelle let herself fall."

And our Jane...

well, she came prepared.

What's that? A list.

So I don't forget a main point.

Now I'm happy to answer any questions.

Yes.

I would like to know why Noelle and Jean Luc

don't get together at the end.

Well, love doesn't always work out.

Yeah, in real life.

But this is a romance novel.

In a romance novel they get a happily ever after.

Not happily until a mortar shell explodes

just when Jean Luc's finally coming home from the war.

All right, you made your point, sit down.

Some romances don't end happily.

Think of Romeo and Juliet.

But that's one of Shakespeare's tragedies.

Everyone knows in tragedies they end up dead,

in comedies they end up happy,

and in romance novels they end up together.

Well, sometimes you need to subvert the ending

for the element of surprise.

Great, fine, but then don't call it

a romance novel, call it fiction.

I'm sorry,

she was really upset when she finished the book.

But of course I was.

There are rules to the genre.

Go to the RWA website.

All over it,

it says you need an HEA.

I mean,

I was disappointed too.

I felt empty for days.

You know, she really might be too young

for this type of event.

I told you to keep it together.

It was spur of the moment.

You had a list.

Not so spur of the moment.

But, anyway, you... you made some good points

about genre or whatever.

Well, I learned a lesson.

From now on, I'm reading

the ending of books first so I can be prepared

for whatever happens.

Which actually raises

an interesting question--

how does knowing the end

affect the journey?

Because some of you know how this is going to end.

Michael?

Michael?

Michael?

Oh, my God, Michael!

Michael! Help!

Somebody help!

I should remind you that I did say

that Michael would love Jane

until his dying breath.

Okay, you're breathing.

Thank God.

Help! Somebody help please!

: Okay.

Stay with me, baby.

Stay with me please. Stay with me...

Which brings us here.

Now...

Any updates? No.

Unfortunately, friends,

there was no way for Jane to prepare for this.

Oh, I can't take this waiting.

It's torture.

He's gonna be okay, hon.

You don't know that.

Which is true

because she couldn't skip ahead to the ending.

And we can't either.

So instead, let's flip back...

...to earlier in our epic romance.

Oops, that's a little too far.

Ah, here we are.

You're seriously not gonna help at all?

The morning after Jane's 21st birthday

was somewhat less festive than the night before.

Nope.

For Xo at least.

What?

We agreed that cleanup was part of your punishment

for last night's behavior.

Oh!

The cop wants to see me again tonight.

Wow.

And I really booted on his shoes?

Twice.

I swear, it's like we already have private jokes.

I mean, they're all about you so far, but still.

Ha-ha.

I just can't picture you with a cop.

I know, but, I'm telling you, Ma,

that kiss, it was...

magic.

Oh, my God.

Sam just pulled up.

Sam? Yes, Sam!

I know what you're thinking,

who the hell is Sam? Oh, my God, he's coming.

Am I too gross?

Do I smell? Y-you're good, you're good.

Okay, but you're not, so stay away from him.

Go on, open the door and act like you haven't been

obsessively crushing on him for two years.

17 months.

Well, hello, Sam.

Oh, hey.

Wanted to drop something off.

Is now an okay time?

Yeah, totally.

Actually, let's, um, sit outside.

So now might be a good time to mention

that Jane had been in a love triangle once before.

I'm sorry I couldn't make it last night, I...

was trying to bang out that Chaucer paper,

and then, before I knew it, it was 2:00 in the morning.

Oh. So not a big deal. No, I...

I wanted to come. Of course,

you already know how this one ends.