The Book of Clarence

Can you spare us some coin?

So as I may get some foods, warmth and shelter.

Anything you can spare will be appreciated.

Out of the way, you dusty runt!

-You dongleton! -

-Hey! Out of the way! -What! Just...

What are you doing? Benjamin, move!

Whoa!

-Run him over. -What?

-Run him over! -I can't just run him over!

-You can! Quick! Go! -All right! I'll run him over.

Go, you raggedy roop scoop!

Let's go!

Slowing down there, huh, Mary?

Oh, yeah?

She hit me.

Watch the cart, Claance!

-What? -Watch the cart!

Come on! Whoa.

We're going to be rich, Claance!

Yes, we are, my friend.

For two or three days at least.

Can't no man outspeed me.

"Outspeed" ain't a word, Mary!

Gypsies!

Are you okay?

Elijah!

Grab his robe. Grab his robe.

Get off of me!

Claance...

Claance...

Claance.

Cabbage. You have no idea what you cost me.

-Ah, stay down. -

Let this be a learnings.

Get out of Gypsy territory and never come back.

Cabbage, let's be friends.

-Like old times. -Ta-ta, Claance.

-I need my robe. -Pathetic.

Gypsies!

Get back here, you delinquent dung beetles.

What you gonna do?

Rat.

Excuse me, excuse me. Move the goats.

Hey.

I can smell you from here, Claance.

Good Lord! Actually hurts my nose.

You okay, Mary?

-What? -What?

Nothing even happened to her.

I'm the one you should be concerned about.

Good-bye, heathens.

She is so blessed.

-What is wrong with you? -What?

I lost the race, Elijah.

And the horse.

I'm a dead man walking.

So I suggest you hitch a ride down to Jedediah's,

beg for mercy.

We hitch a ride.

Okay, "we."

It's him.

Jesus of Nazareth.

My God.

No, no, God doesn't exist.

They do.

Shining like stars out here, Elijah.

Stars is an understatement. They are the damn sun.

And they're protected. Nobody messes with them.

I want to be like that in ten years.

I want to be like that now.

Minus the bougery.

Mmm.

Is Thomas with him?

Peace be unto you, Thomas.

Peace be unto you, Thomas.

Unto you be peace, Clarence.

-Now leave me be. -What's that supposed to mean?

It means get away from me, disbeliever.

I believe in life itself.

You pray to a man in the sky you've never met.

Blasphemy.

Well, introduce me to him then. Jesus.

Let's see one of his miracles up close and personal.

So that he may know that

my twin brother is a man of no faith?

The peddler of stolen property?

A seller of ungodly herbs?

A nobody.

I'm not a nobody!

A man that lacks honor

is a nobody.

Just because you are twins

does not mean you're brothers, my brother.

My mother was literally on her deathbed when he left home.

Yet I'm the one with no honor?

I'm not a nobody, Elijah.

I'll have some of this, please.

I knew I smelt correctly.

Peace be unto you, Claance and Elijah.

-Unto you be peace, Zeke. -Peace.

Where can I take you on this fine day

before Jedediah has you both killed?

I need you to take me to my home so I can change clothes,

and then to Jedediah's harem.

That'll cost you five shekels upfront for obvious reasons.

Like you being too dead to pay me later.

How's about we give you six,

and you may use the extra to get yourself a bath?

Okay, let's go.

This is light.

Did you imagine it heavier?

This is a problem with y'all.

Y'all skunk always shortin' the sack.

I would purchase from somewhere else

-if I knew where to get it. -

-But you don't. -

Hello, beautiful. -

What's that smell?

Huh. Long story.

And what's that?

This is for you to give to Varinia.

Mother, my Lengunweed?

It helps with the glaucomery.

Better wash before you go see her.

I'm just trying to make sure you don't die a virgin, son.

Oh, wow.

-I'm not a virgin. -

What you do at night behind that curtain doesn't count.

That is not me. That's the local rats.

Very loud rats.

- Okay. -

- -

Mom, one day I'm gonna get you out of here.

Put you in a big home.

Where you can do whatever you want to do.

I promise you.

Home is where you are happy, son.

And I'm happy here with you.

With a son that's barely able to provide for you?

And another who's running amok with some false prophet?

Thomas is following his purpose. We have but to love him.

I have but to love you.

Son,

be the body, not the shadow.

Hold space.

Yeah, I know.

Hold space.

Okay.

Ugh, now go wash. You stink!

Mmm. I don't stink.

I do stink.

Whoa.

I don't really feel good about this, Elijah.

Jedediah killing you will feel worse.

Stop saying that.

It is the truth.

- -Elijah and Claance, huh?

Two rotten eggs.

Out of my way.

- -

Crusty Claance.

Unto you be peace, Jedediah.

Judging by your unarranged arrival,

you most likely lack my money,

my horse,

and my chariot. Am I correct?

It's only been a few hours.

You said I had 30 days to pay you back.

Mmm-hmm. Now it's 29 days, 22 hours,

or death.

Both of you should be aware

before I crucify you, yeah?

I'm, I'm gonna get a little evil first.

Isn't the act of crucifixion in and of itself evil?

You know, you make a deal with the devil, hmm,

it's gonna cost you a shekel.

Now exit my place of restitution

before I render those 29 days to O.

Don't worry, Elijah.

I have a plan.

That is exactly what I'm worried about.

Get out!

We're literally on our way out.

-What do you think we're doing? -Understand, it's redundant.

Idiot.

Repent!