The Entertainer

Music: "Why should I care?" By John Addison, John Osborne and Laurence Olivier

Seagulls call

I haven't seen him on the TV. Have you? — what's that, love?

I said I've not seen him on the television. — who?

Archie rice.

Oh, come on, it's only a lot of daft girls standing about with nothing on.

Come on, father. — he looks daft.

Will you come on when I tell you? I'm not gonna speak to you again.

He's never been on TV.

Grandad!

Indistinct arguing

grandad! Grandad!

Hello, grandad. — Jean! I wondered who it was.

I'm sorry if I startled you. — I didn't know who the hell it was.

I was miles away. — oh, it's good to see you.

It's good to see you, my darling. Give your grandfather a kiss.

Here, girl, give me your case. — no, it's alright, I can manage.

Give me the case and hold your bloody noise.

Your stepmother's in one of her moods so I came out.

I can't stand rows with Phoebe, not anymore, so I come and sit on the pier.

Albert. Take care of this case for me, will you?

This is my granddaughter. — oh, yes, he told me all about you.

Have you come to see your dad?

Camera clicks

thank you. Come on. — see ya.

Who's that, Albert? Oh. — Archie rice's daughter.

It's good to see you, Jean. How long are you going to stay?

Just a few days, I expect.

Indistinct shouting

have you heard from young Mick? — yes, he's fine.

He's a good boy, he'll be all right. But it's a nasty business to get mixed up in.

All those people out there in Egypt and god knows where else.

They seem to be able to do what they like to us nowadays.

I went to the rally in trafalgar square last Sunday.

What for, for god's sake? — oh, I don't know.

Seem to've got myself steamed up about a lot of things lately.

Well, I should think you'd want to have your bloody head read.

Yes, that's more or less what Graham said. — Graham?

My fiancé.

Breaks squeak

he honks the horn

can we go now, miss? — yes, all right.

Paints and brushes on this table and paintings over here.

Rock n' roll music plays

she mouths: "Five minutes."

Finished? — yes, miss.

Don't you want to go and dance?

You don't have to go if you don't want to.

Good night.

Here, watch out where you're going! Wait...!

Am I late?

Boy wolf whistles

no, his train doesn't leave for an hour.

You were making a lot of noise.

Well, my little social worker, what was it tonight?

The bicycle—chain ball or the flick—knife excuse—me?

Oh...

Cheer up.

Can't see the soldier brother off to the wars with a long face like that.

No, I should look pleased about it, shouldn't I?

Car engine roars

Jean, I don't know how you think you could ever make anything out of those monsters?

You're crazy.

Oh, darling, don't let's do this again.

I'm sorry. It's time you faced up to the fact

you are never going to do anything with those sort of people.

Don't talk to me about those sort of people.

Anyway, if it weren't for your sort of people

still hanging on to their livings in other people's countries

my brother wouldn't be going off to fight.

The telegram came at breakfast.

Why didn't they wait till February? You'd have been out by then.

Oh, I don't know. I'm thinking of signing on.

Signing on? — yeah.

Well... up the flag, Mick.

Here's to you, Mick. And let's hope it's a false alarm.

Thank you.

You're leaving tonight? — no, they're flying us out in the morning.

Whistle blows

well, it's nice of you both to come and see me off.

Off to defend the empire, you lucky people. — my queen and country need me.

I wish I could think it was funny.

Ah.. — oh, je.An.

Give him a break. He'll be all right.

Jean's always taken everything seriously, haven't you love?

I've always taken it as it comes, but not Jeannie.

Train whistles

cheer up, love. Life isn't as bad as all that.

And even if it is, there's nothing we can do about it.

Oh, I must be off.

Come on.

Well, that needs cleaning for a start. — nah.

I'll do it. — oh, good lad. Come on.

Train whistles

don't come any further. There's my mob there. — ok.

Goodbye, love. — bye, Mick

stick in the back row if there's shooting. — you bet.

Go up and see Phoebe and the old boy sometime, will ya?

Yes, I'm going to. — well, do.

Goodbye, Graham. — bye—bye, Mick. Good luck.

Are you two getting married?

Well, ask her. — well, make her! It's what Jean needs.

I'll bring you back a fuzzy—wuzzy for your wedding present.

You can hang it on the nursery wall and frighten the kids with it. Bye.

Bye—bye. — goodbye.

Let's go.

Do you want to eat somewhere? — no, thanks.

It might cheer you up. Something to eat, a bottle of wine...

I want to go home.

All right.

Whistle blows

do you want to come?

What about the landlady?

We'll beat her up.

I've been longing to tell you about it all day.

They want a decision pretty soon.

Why Africa? — well, the firm's expanding out there.

You know — young men, big opportunities, all that kind of things.

Do you want to go? — yes.

Yes, I do. I've thought about it a lot.

We could get married next month.

Supposing I don't want to go, Graham? Would you go just the same?

I don't think that's a fair question. — no, but I'm asking it.

Well, if we were married, I think it would change your mind.

But what if I didn't?

Why do you want to go? — I've told you.

Oh, yes. Big opportunities. Big deal.

Jean, you love me, don't you? — yes.

And you still want to marry me? — of course.

Well, then why do we argue?

I don't understand you.

There's nothing to keep you here. Nothing.

Nothing but a bunch of Teddy boys who ought to be put in jail

where they'll rot. — oh, Graham!

Don't pretend to me that you can't leave that deadbeat family of yours.

Oh, Graham, can't you try and understand? This job means something to me.

I've never been good enough to paint myself

but I think this is something I really can do.

Oh, maybe the first term has been hell, but I'm not going to give up that easily

there's nothing to keep us here.

You've never stopped telling that everything about this country's dead.

Well, I agree. It's dead.

This would be a wonderful chance for us to get out of it.

Dramatic piano music plays

I'm sorry.

I'm so tired.

I know. I'm sorry.

Don't be.

Take me to bed.

Seagulls call

I'm all right, grandad. I feel better now I've talked about it.

You always liked coming to see me, didn't you?

You were a pretty little thing.

Not that looks are everything, nor even for a woman.

You don't look at the mantelpiece when you poke the fire.

They both chuckle

I'll say this for Archie, he always saw that you were nicely turned out.

He was a smart little boy himself.

Used to dress 'em in sailor suits then.

Funny how they all turn out.

How is dad?

He's afool. — oh.

Trying to raise money for another show when he hasn't enough for this one running.

Well, what's this one like?

I don't know. I haven't seen it. I wouldn't.

They don't want human beings anymore.

Well, you're a lovely lot tonight. Really lovely lot tonight.

I've played in front of them all, you know. Yes, I've played in front of them all!

The queen, the Duke of Edinburgh, the prince of wales, and err...

What's the name of that other pub? Audience laugh

blimey, that went better at first house.

Hey, what about these crooners, eh? What about these crooners?

I don't know what they're coming to, honest, I don't.

Look at the stuff they sing. Look at the songs they sing.

"The darktown strutters' ball". "The basin street ball".

"The woodchoppers' ball". — audience chuckle

it's a lot of... rubbish, isn't it? — audience laugh loudly

he's a bit suggestive, isn't he?

Well, now I'm going to sing you a little song. A little song!

A little song written by rimsky—nastikov.

A little song entitled

"the old church bell won't ring tonight as the vicar's got the clapper."

Audience laughs loudly

music starts playing

All right, Nicky?

Hey. — take her up.

Jean! — hello, frank.

Nice to see you, love.

Got a holiday?

Sort of. I've just seen grandad. He's gone home.

Hey, dad's on. As you may possibly have guessed.

He'll be off in a minute, though. — ok.

He tap dances

Applause

can't be anyone out front tonight but just the...

Look who's here. — ah?

Oh, hello, Jean! — hello.

This is nice. I didn't see you standing there. I haven't got my glasses on.

I know. You thought I was the income tax man.

That's right! — hey dad. Dad.