Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl here--

Your own and only source

into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

Don't have to keep up the charade with Humphrey for me any longer.

Louis and I are in a good place now.

She wants us to stay together until the wedding

so Louis doesn't suspect anything.

You're the one. I never wanna leave.

Oh, my God!

Let him live.

I promise I'll keep my vow to marry Louis.

You can't base the rest of your life on one desperate moment.

I'm just cut out of your life without any explanation?

My new wedding date is in less than a month.

I have to keep my priorities in order.

We were your priority. What happened, Blair?

My dreams at night

may not be about the man I'm going to marry.

I'm growing weak. I'm afraid I might break.

I know what is in Blair Waldorf's heart,

and if you don't want this wedding to happen,

together we can make sure it doesn't.

Wakey-wakey Upper-East-Siders, Gossip Girl here.

your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

It seems like today is a big day for everyone,

but none so much as me.

Miss Serena, it's finally here.

Can you believe? So exciting.

I smile and cry at same time all morning,

and not even wedding yet.

Where's Blair?

She went to final fitting.

Everyone else is coming here-- including Mr. Lonely Boy--

for breakfast buffet.

Get dressed and eat something. You need strength today.

Once upon a time, Princess B. was a virgin queen,

and her king was named Archibald.

Who would've thought in just five short years,

she could turn that headband into a tiara for real?

I myself have come a long way, too.

But if you think I've spent all my recent downtime

reflecting on who I am and what I've done in those same five years,

let me assure you, that couldn't be further from the truth.

I was just planning my comeback.

So if I were you, I'd watch this space,

because the new Gossip Girl is coming.

And what will my first post be?

All I can say is

you should probably pray I won't be writing about you.

You'd think I wouldn't still have to do this sort of thing,

but labels don't even have interns anymore.

I'm heading down to the East Village

before the wedding to put some of these up.

Oh, those are, uh, good luck, by the way.

I wore them at my wedding.

I'm not sure what I'd need luck for,

as I'm not the one getting married, but thank you.

Well, you're in the wedding party.

That's close enough. What--

Why are you in the wedding party again?

I did a favor for Louis last week, so he asked me.

I figured it's better than sitting alone in a pew, right?

Oh, so no date tonight, or does the charade continue?

Once Blair and Louis say "I do,"

then Serena and I can say "we don't" anymore

and go back to being just friends.

No, but at the very least,

this whole thing is probably a distraction

from any " Graduate " thoughts you might have.

Well, with Blair? No, any--any thoughts of her

running off with me are-- are long gone.

If anyone's in danger of pulling a Braddock,

it's not me. It's...

Oh, I'm sorry, Father.

I don't play those sort of games anymore.

You'll need this to get past security today at the church.

Shall we go over the plan again?

Please.

Father Smythe's afternoon tea will be supplemented

with sleeping pills instead of his usual sweetener.

When he is unable to perform the ceremony,

her serene highness will have no choice

but to ask me to step in.

During the service when I ask if anyone has any objections,

that's where you come in.

And tell the world that only last week,

I'd overheard her tell you she's still in love with me.

Voila . In one fell swoop,

you'll have saved Blair from a loveless future,

and I will have saved Monaco from a thankless princess.

It is, as you people say, a... win/win.

Are you prepared?

More than you know.

Water?

Merci.

Oh, Serena.

I am so nervous.

Can you believe it? She's marrying me.

I'm the luckiest man in the world.

Don't worry, Miss Serena.

You find someone who loves you that way, too.

Thank you for indulging on this one more time.

I just wanna make sure I know all the steps.

Is everything okay?

You look...

Surprised that we made it to this day?

I am.

I was certain that your bride-to-be would humiliate our family in some way.

Well...

You don't have to worry anymore,

because the brand-new positive image of the Monegasque Royal Family

is intact.

And Blair is transformed into the most advantageous partner.

The press took to her in the wake of the unfortunate incident.

I couldn't have hoped for a more perfect arrangement.

I can't believe you're talking this way on the day of my wedding.

My relationship with Blair is not a business deal.

But all relationships are business.

Sometimes you are lucky, you have love as a bonus.

Let us hope that you stay lucky.

I can't stop the feeing that I've forgotten something.

I've been over everything: The photographer, the caterer,

the programs, all fine.

I just cannot put my finger on it.

Well, I'm sure it's all right.

I mean, you never forget anything.

It's one of your best, uh, and... worst qualities.

As you know, the mother and father of the bride

will share a dance this evening.

Oh, well, the father of the bride is right over there.

Oh. Well, we're set then?

It's been a long time since we've danced.

I'm game if you are,

as long as you don't show me up like you did the last time.

Serena, uh, Louis' best man's flight has been delayed from Rome.

Would you like to just choose another partner

from the present groomsmen just in case,

or shall I just appoint one for you?

I've got this one covered.

- Dan Humphrey, my hero. - Wonderful. Thank you.

Wow, the Dan I knew five years ago could barely box step,

and now you're volunteering to dance?

Well, I've gotten much better.

I had to, after I met you.

You wouldn't have kept a partner with two left feet

around for very long.

Well, I liked your left feet.

Well, don't worry. Once I put my dress shoes on,

I'm sure I'll still step all over you.

Hey, she's here: The princess bride.

Oh, you're back early.

Well, there are several matters to attend to.

Uh, first off, CNN is asking if you privately wish

to be called "princess" or "Mrs. Grimaldi."

I'm sorry. I just, uh, need my best friend for a moment.

Go right ahead, Mrs. Grimaldi.

"Mrs. Grimaldi"? What is going on?

Is this happening?

Well, it better be. Otherwise,

all those commemorative plates are for nothing.

Oh, God.

I'm gonna be married.

It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be more than okay.

It's gonna be the best day of your life.

Are you sure nothing's gonna ruin it?

Of course not. What could?

"A True American Princess"? "The Next Diana"?

Don't these people do their research anymore?

Maybe they just don't know her like you do.

Or they've conveniently forgotten. Well, I haven't.

That bitch got me remanded to rehab,

banished from Bible camp, and abandoned in Belarus,

all for her own enjoyment.

If this is supposed to be her happiest day,

then I can't wait to rain all over her parade.

I know you're capable of many things,

but how do you expect to get into the wedding of the century?

By joining forces with the century's biggest wedding crasher.

I thought you were getting changed.

I did.

But the surplice?

Ohh!

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. I feel sick.

May I use your restroom?

No, you may not, but you better find one you can

and stay close to it for the rest of the day.

You may have a touch of food poisoning.

What did you do?

Well, I'm just guessing...

But it's possible the water I've been continuously pouring

for you all morning came from the tap

at a Bass Resort bathroom in Mexico.

You see, I can't allow you to destroy Blair's wedding.

You think because I love her,

I want her all to myself,

but I'm not that man anymore.

I just want her to be happy.

And if marrying Louis will do that for her,

then that's what's going to happen.