Friends

You don't understand.

For us, kissing is as important as any part.

Yeah, right!

You serious?

Oh, yeah.

- Everything is in that first kiss. - Absolutely.

For us, kissing's an opening act..

like the comedian you have to sit through..

before Pink Floyd comes out.

And it's not that we don't like the comedian.

It's just that that's not why we bought the ticket.

The problem is, no matter how great the show was..

you girls are looking for the comedian again.

We're in the car, fighting traffic, just trying to stay awake.

Word of advice: Bring back the comedian.

Or next time you'll find yourself listening to that album alone.

Are we still talking about sex?

The One With the Sonogram at the End

No, it's good. It is good.

It's just that Doesn't she seem a little angry?

Well, she has issues.

Does she?

Try to live with "Mr. I'm Evolving."

He's out while she's home getting the mastodon smell out of the carpet.

Marsha, see, these are cave people.

Okay, they have issues like:

"Gee, that glacier's getting kind of close."

Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?

- No. - Yes, it is. Carol, hi!

Okay. Yes, it is. I'll catch up with you in the Ice Age.

- Can I stay? - No.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Is this a bad time? - No, it's..

the Stone Age.

You look great. I hate that.

Sorry. Thanks. You look good too.

Well, you know, in here, anyone who..

stands erect..

- What's new? Still a - A lesbian?

You never know. How's the family?

- Marty's still totally paranoid. - Carol, why are you here?

- I'm pregnant. - Pregnant.

She didn't leave in such a hurry after all.

This is the Three's Company episode with a misunderstanding.

Then I've already seen this one.

Are you through with that?

Sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.

Whose ball of paper is this?

Mine. I wrote a note to myself, then I didn't need it.

So I balled it up and now I wish I was dead.

She already fluffed that pillow. You already fluffed It's fine.

I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition.

Parents can be cruel about the flatness of a child's pillow.

Relax, you do this every time. The place looks great.

You got a lasagna here that looks good enough..

to avoid touching.

Monica? Hi!

Monica, you're scaring me.

I mean, you're all chaotic and twirly, you know?

Not in a good way.

Calm down. You don't see Ross getting twirly every time they come.

That's because my parents think Ross can do no wrong.

You see, he's "The Prince."

They had some big ceremony before I was born.

- What? - Ugly Naked Guy got a ThighMaster.

- Has anybody seen my engagement ring? - It's beautiful.

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

No, don't touch that.

Like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back.

"Hi, Barry, remember me? I'm the girl that stomped on your heart."

Now I must return the ring without the ring..

which makes it so much harder.

Easy, we'll find it. Won't we?

Look, it's gonna be okay. You'll give it back..

- and we'll eat ice cream. - Okay. It's a pear-shaped diamond

Any diamond ring we find, we'll run it by you.

- When did you have it last? - Doy, right before she lost it.

You don't get a lot of "doy" these days.

I know I had it this morning.

I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with

Dinah?

- Oh, don't be mad. - You didn't.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - I gave you one job!

But look how straight those noodles are.

That's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagna.

I just can't do it.

Boys? We're going in.

Hi.

- That is not a happy "hi." - Carol's pregnant.

I found it!

What?

Yeah.

Do that for two hours, you might be where I am about now.

That puts that whole pillow thing in perspective.

How do you fit into this whole thing?

Carol and Susan want me to be involved.

But if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.

- It's totally up to me. - She is so great. I miss her.

- What does she mean by "involved"? - Your job is done.

And the most enjoyable.

Phoebe, say something.

They want me to go down to this sonogram thing..

with them tomorrow.

Remember when life was simpler..

and she was just a lesbian?

Those were the days.

- What are you gonna do? - I have no idea.

No matter what I do, I'm still gonna be a father.

This is still ruined, right?

Martha Lugwin's daughter is gonna call you.

- What's that curry taste? - Curry.

I think they're great. I really do.

The big Lugwin had a thing for you.

- They all had a thing for him. - Oh, Mom.

Why is this girl going to call me?

She just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking or food..

I told her you have a restaurant

- I don't have, I work in a restaurant. - They don't have to know that.

- Ross, help me with the spaghetti. - Yes.

Oh, we're having spaghetti. That's easy.

We were going to have lasagna.

- I love lasagna. - We're not having it.

Then why bring it up? He latches on.

This will sound unbelievably selfish..

but did you plan to bring up the baby/lesbian thing?

It might take the heat off of me.

That Rachel. We saw her parents at the club.

They were not playing well.

I won't say what they spent..

but $40,000 is a lot for a wedding.

At least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar.

- What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.

- It's an expression. - No, it's not.

Don't listen to her. You've always been independent.

Even when you were a chubby kid..

and you had no friends, you were just fine.

You'd read alone in your room. Your puzzles..

People like Ross need to shoot for the stars.

With his museum and his published papers.

Others are satisfied with staying where they are.

These people never get cancer.

They're happy with what they have, content..

like cows.

Cows, Dad?

She knows how much I love cows.

I read about women trying to have it all, and I thank God..

our "Harmonica" doesn't have that problem.

- I'm telling you, you'll be fine. - Thank you, Daddy.

Oh, so this does work.

So, Ross, what's going on with you?

Any stories? No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?

Look, I realize you guys have been wondering..

what exactly happened between Carol and me.

And so, well, here's the deal.

Carol's a lesbian.

She lives with a woman named Susan.

She's pregnant with my child.

She and Susan are going to raise the baby.

And you knew about this?