Johnny English Strikes Again

Oh, bollocks.

We've got a problem.

A cyber attack? Yes, prime minister.

Took me two bottles of wine

and half a packet of sleeping pills to finally nod off.

And you wake me because some fat-fingered,

hacker's pinched your pin number?

Well, it's a little more serious than that, prime minister.

The identities of every one

of our serving agents have been exposed.

What?

Who's doing this? We're not sure, ma'am.

So one week before I host my first g12 summit,

britain's entire security apparatus has been taken down

and you know absolutely nothing?

That does pretty much sums up the situation, ma'am, yes.

Well, you better get someone on it and find me some answers!

Yes, but that's the problem. We don't have any agents left.

They've all been outed.

So bring back an old one!

All units, this is Juliet echo. Stand by for target coordinates.

Target acquired. Repeat, target acquired.

Now then, what have we here?

Sorry, sir.

Never mind, baggaley.

Your concealment and camouflage work is definitely improving.

Thank you, sir.

Come on.

You, too, ibadulla.

Excellent. That is a first-class man-trap.

Six house points. Yes!

Right, let's get back to school before matron

notices you're missing.

And don't worry, there aren't any more booby traps.

Apart from this one, of course.

Mr. English?

We haven't seen him, sir.

And that's camouflage.

And go.

And go.

And go.

The welfare of your children is our Paramount concern.

They're never exposed to any unnecessary risk,

I assure you.

I think that's an "f" for your bomb disposal coursework, hattersley.

"You're looking particularly beautiful tonight."

You're looking particularly beautiful tonight.

"Ching!"

Ching!

Have a good half-term, sir! Thank you.

Are you seriously telling me this is all we've got?

Most of them are either dead,

having hip operations or recovering from prostate surgery.

Okay.

Before your briefing, we'll need you to re-sign the official secrets act.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Any of you gentlemen remember this?

The mont blanc blaster. Haven't seen one of those for years.

Take the cap off and, if memory serves, you've 20 seconds to replace it

or it detonates with the force of a stun grenade.

Thank you.

Teas on the left, gentlemen.

And coffees on the right.

Excellent.

Oh, damn it, I forgot my pills.

Here, have some of mine.

Scotch whisky, single malt?

Thank you very much.

Coffee.

Here, let me help you with that.

Tea?

This one just needs a little top-up of hot water.

I'll be right back.

Man's a divot of the first order.

Someone should put him out of his misery.

Along with whoever furnished this room.

Good morning. Sorry to keep you.

Are the others here?

They, they nodded off.

Right...

And who are you exactly?

English.

- Johnny English. - Well...

"English..."

You'll leave immediately.

My people will give you the full briefing en route.

Oh, is there anything you need?

Yes, nerve gas nasal spray, a type-four exoskeleton...

You should probably start a list.

And a garroting watch, with a rubber strap, not the steel bracelet

because the links get caught in the little hairs on my wrist.

Oh, and I'll also need a bough.

What's a bough?

Sir!

Wonderful to see you!

Yes, all right, bough. We're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.

Yes, of course, sir.

I think it's the pin of your buckle, sir. It's caught on my jumper.

Yes, I can see what's wrong, bough.

If you go to your left and I'll go to my right.

I'm sorry, no, if you go to your right and I'll go to my left.

No. If I go clockwise and you go anti-clockwise...

Er, no, I think that's making it worse, sir.

I'm surprised that didn't work.

Good morning, sir.

I have your agent activation pack here.

Department-issue smartphone.

580-megapixel camera, 4.7-inch retina hd display.

Ingenious. And what does it shoot? Poison darts?

It doesn't shoot anything. It's a phone.

There's a Twitter handle, instagram feed

and secure login for the department uber account.

What's he on about, bough?

I need a weapon. Not a box of gobbledygook.

I think, what agent English

is getting at, sir, is all this is highly trackable.

But since we're dealing with a very sophisticated, digital target,

we might be less visible if we took a more analog, low-tech approach.

Exactly.

I see.

Is there anything else I can get you?

A gun.

We don't really do guns anymore.

Just get him a gun.

Right, a gun.

Right. Haven't actually done one of these before.

"It is my obligation under section 14"

"of the health and safety directive to inform you"

"that the equipment with which you are about to be issued"

‘can cause injury and bodily harm.

"Furthermore, any agents with nut allergies"

"should be aware that traces of cashew oil..."

Thank you.

Right, transport.

So, take any hybrid you want.

I'll take this one.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, English. This car is a relic.

Drinks petrol, leaks oll and has no passive,

let alone active safety features.

Do you know what else it doesn't have, sir?

Satellite navigation or a single computer chip.

Making it completely invisible to a digital enemy.

The equipment agent English requested, sir.

Thank you.

Phone, bough? Yeah.

That hi-tech villain of yours will never see us coming.

Let's see what they've given us.

Exoskeleton, exploding cotton buds, the old shoebox inflatable.

What are these?

Instant release super high energy pills.

Like sticking your fingers in an electric socket.

Highly recommended.

Right, so, the red ones must be the total knockout sleeping pills.

Correct.

Probably worth labeling these.

Look, sir. Sweeties.

Hang on a minute.

I always did love a jelly baby.

I wouldn't if I was you, bough. "Jelly" is short for gelignite.

One bite and it'll take the top of your head off

along with the roof of the car.

So, what does this do?

It's a mixtape, bough.

- So, destination? - South of France, sir.

That cyber attack seems to have been launched

from the Wi-Fi signal of a hotel in antibes.

Sir?

Sir, I've just had a fax through from hq.

Background checks on all the guests that accessed the Wi-Fi network.

You see? Who needs email?

One name has raised a red flag, sir.

Sebastian lynch, ex-army and military intelligence.

Now selling his services to the highest bidder.

Where do we find him? Directly ahead, sir.

He's got an 8:00 reservation at the cote de roc restaurant.

The problem's going to be getting close enough for a full surveillance, sir.

Not necessarily.

Oh, darling, I've just gotta get this. Two seconds.

Simple plan, two parts.

You provide the distraction, I'll get the phone.

Yes, sir. And from now on,

perhaps we should sound like French waiters.

French waiters?

Yees.

Go on.

Are you finished now, Sebastian?

Bread roll?

Yes, thank you.

Excellent choice, madame.

Good evening.

How are you?

Bread roll, sir?

Yes. Thank you.

One second.

Excuse me, would you mind?

Oh, yes. Evening.

Evening.