Desperate Housewives

One clear, moonlit evening,

There was a dinner party on Wisteria Lane,

And everyone would agree that it was a night to remember.

They would remember the crisp Chardonnay...

The tangy salad...

And the savory chicken.

But the most memorable part of the evening...

wasn't the food.

In the year since she had left the lane,

Susan Delfino had missed many things...

The laughter of happy children...

The smile of the cheerful mailman...

The smell of wisteria in bloom.

But what Susan missed the most...

were her friends.

Dishes are done. Can I go now?

We just started unpacking.

Oh, come on. It's been a whole year

since I could walk outside, knock on a door,

- And hang with the girls. - Can we at least finish the kitchen?

Fine.

Susan.

Go play with your friends.

Just... be home by dinner.

Wow. I win. Ha!

You... are in great shape.

Did it ever occur to you that a mere woman could outrace you?

Did it ever occur to you that I'd rather run behind you

than in front of you?

That... is so... sweet.

Ohh. I have to take a shower.

What a coincidence. Me, too.

Really?

We're doing this?

I thought we couldn't have

- sex until your divorce was final. - Yeah, I know,

But I thought about it a lot these last 40 seconds,

And I think I'm done waiting.

Hey! Can you spare a cup of coffee for a new neighbor?

Susan! I just finished a run, but tomorrow, for sure.

I'll race you to the shower. Whoo!

Wait.

Wait? What?

I think there's a reason why god sent someone to the door

That exact moment.

I don't, and I know him a lot better than you do.

Hey, I don't wanna wait either.

- I'm just so close to getting out of my marriage. - How close?

Doreen and I meet with the lawyers tomorrow.

Now as long as she shows up in a good mood,

We could wrap it up in no time.

So our sex life is dependent on your wife's mood?

Her little boutique isn't doing so great,

And the worse business is, the crankier she gets.

Crankier she gets, the more she drags this out.

All right, then I guess we'll be showering separately.

You go first. Just don't use all the hot water.

Don't worry. I won't be using any.

So... the kids are gonna want dinner.

Should we just order pizza?

Fine.

You want me to unpack for you?

No, that's okay. Just... leave it.

What are you doing?

Never mind.

What do you mean, "Never mind"?

Why are you keeping your suitcase packed?

The--the company has an apartment near the office.

I think I should move in there for a while.

No. No. Tom--

You don't think some time apart would do us good?

Time apart? Come on. We both know what that means. It means

If you walk out that door,

- you'll never come back in. - You don't know that.

We just had a 3-hour car ride and didn't say a single word.

I do know that.

Guess who just moved back on the lane!

Oh! Oh, my gosh! That's so great!

I'm so happy for you!

I'm just right in the middle of somethin', but I--

I'm gonna call you, all right? Yay!

So what are you saying?

You're done trying to work things out.

We've been trying.

We can't give up.

We have to keep fighting for this--

Fighting to save our family.

Are we fighting to save it, or are we just fighting?

It happens. That just ha--

Lynette.

Leave the suitcase where it is.

Hey! Gaby!

Hi, neighbor. Invite me in for wine

So I can get out of unpacking.

Susan, hi. I was just about to go out. Rain check?

Hey. What are you doin'?

Thought you missed your friends.

Yeah. Still do.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just back from a run and on my way out

And kinda busy right now.

Would you believe that? I told you she was mad. She's mad.

Susan, we are so sorry.

We didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

We should have made time,

Especially after everything you've been through.

It's just... to be away so long and be totally ignored...

I was home all day. My bell never rang.

Who wants coffee?

So there's Paul, and he is struggling to get loose,

And Felicia is right on top of me,

Holding the needle just inches from my...

It's Doug, my ex. Third time this week.

I bet you anything that bimbo of his walked out,

And now he wants to hook up with me.

Will I say yes? Well.... depends.

If he really asked me nicely--

Renee, this is Susan's moment.

Well, she could have told me her story yesterday. I was home.

I'm just saying.

Susan, we wanna give you and Mike a proper welcome home,

so we are having a dinner party in your honor.

Aw. You guys don't have to go to all that trouble. Whose house?

All of ours.

It's an old-fashioned progressive dinner.

We're doing drinks and appetizers at my place...

uh, salad at mine.

And for the entry, I am making my famous roast poussins.

It's French for "baby chickens."

I'm serving cheesecake. It's American for "dessert."

Well, you guys are so sweet to do this.

I don't want to get emotional,

but just being here in my own kitchen with my best friends...

I'm just saying...

Aw. Honey.

Keep going. I'm not gonna answer it.

Uh, Renee, I was going to do a little clothes shopping later,

and I was hoping you might join me.

Oh, thank god. Are we burning your clothes

before or after we go?

I was hoping we'd try that little boutique on Lake Street,

the one Chuck's wife owns.

What? You wanna go talk to the wife?

Oh, bad idea, Bree. Very bad idea.

No, Chuck's meeting with her to work out a settlement,

and he's hoping she'll be in a good mood,

which she will be if we go to her store

and spend a bundle on clothes.

I'm buying, so it's a win-win.

You'll be helping a friend and getting a free new dress

for the dinner party.

I'm not sure these clothes are quite the thing...

for a dinner party.

Dinner? I wouldn't wear 'em to a drive-by shooting.

Just smile, okay? Doreen's watching,

and we're here to... lift up her spirits.

Oh. In that case... excuse me.

Miss? We just love your clothes.

Yes, they are... so expressive.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say so.

From the way they've been selling,

I was starting to think they were... too edgy for fairview.

Not for us. I'm gonna take these tops, and... ooh.

These beautifully ventilated jeans and...

Oh! Look at this lovely skull purse!

Hey, don't you wanna try 'em on first?

Yeah, Bree, you really should.

You two just made my day.

And you made ours!

I just love this look on me.

Thank you so much...

Uh, Bree.

You're welcome, Doreen.

How'd you know my name?

I don't.

You just said it. You called me Doreen.

Oh. Well, it was on your name tag...

or would be if you had one.

That's why we don't check out the wife.

Uh, what?

Ohh. Oh, I get it.

You and Chuck are an item, huh?

So you came to get a good look

at the woman whose husband you're screwing?

Hey, Bree here is a class act...

Not that you can tell at the moment.

For your information, Chuck has not slept with me,

- and he won't while he's still married. - Seriously?

Seriously?

Seriously.

He has high ethical standards, and so do I.

Sorry.

I guess I misjudged you.

Apology accepted, and I hope for your sake

as well as for mine that you and chuck

come to an agreement soon.

You know what? I think we just might.

Wonderful.

Arthur?

Doreen. You know that agreement I said I'd sign?

Tear it up. We can do better.