Still Up

Any day now.

Any day now what?

Till someone proposes.

Earth to Leese.

- Earth to Leese. - Sorry. What was that?

We were just saying you're the next one down the aisle.

- Oh, no. I don't know about that. - If you don't want Veggie, I'll have him.

Well, you're basically married anyway. What's stopping you?

Nothing. It's just not the right time.

Plus, Veggie would probably want to get down to his ideal tuxedo weight, so...

- It's just Lisa being Lisa. - Ah.

You know what she's like. Has to make everything so complicated.

Ooh, did I tell you I saw Penny from uni?

- Mmm. - Spill.

- Nose job, fillers, one boob. - Shut up.

- Oi! Lisa Osgood, where are you going? - Just the loo.

Okay. Well, hurry back, 'cause it's your round next.

Okay.

Hi. Hi. I'm Lisa Vedge.

I am-- I'm Mrs. Vedge.

- Vedge. Mrs. Vedge. - Get out while you can!

Don't listen to her, Lisa Vedge! We're all rooting for you!

If taking his name makes you sound that unhappy, love...

- Oh. I-- I-- Yeah. - ...I'd get out now.

- Hey... - Uh, sorry. Yeah.

Hi.

- Yeah? - Hiya. Can I get ten tequilas please?

Do you want a tray?

No. I'll just do 'em all here.

- Hello? - I don't feel good.

Lisa? Where are you calling from? Where are you?

London. Somewhere.

- Okay, that's a good start. - Oh, yeah. I'm on a street phone.

A street phone?

Like when the phone is in its own little greenhouse.

A pay phone? Why are you calling me from a pay phone?

Exactly.

Not exact-- Okay, I'll repeat the question.

Why are you calling me from a pay phone?

I lost my phone.

And the worst part about it is, I just don't even know where I lost it.

Wait. But you remembered my number?

Yeah, obviously, Danny.

- - Danny!

- Yes. Talk to me. What's going on? - Okay.

So, you know it was my mate Gemma's hen night?

- Sure. - I might have had just

a little bit drink-- Drank too much.

- And then... -

...I might have just passed out for a little bit.

But when I woke up, they all must have thought

that I went home, because they all just left without me.

- Have you called Veggie? - Yeah.

But Veggie-- I mean, nothing wakes him up when he's asleep.

- -

Look, focus for me please. Where exactly are you now?

Okay, I'm being honest, right? Here's the thing.

I just don't know.

Okay, okay. That's fine. Don't worry. Let's narrow it down.

- Where was the club? - Mmm. Yeah.

- It was in Hoxton. - All right.

- How long have you been walking for? - Between 20 minutes

and an hour and a half.

Okay. Have a little look around. Any street signs near you?

Can you just, like, hold a second?

Lisa?

Lisa?

Danny, what was I doing again?

- Okay, look. This is how we're doing this. - Okay.

I don't care if you have to steal it from a pensioner.

You're gonna get yourself a phone, drop me a pin.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- What's a pin? - It's where you are.

- I don't see it. - No, no, no, no, no.

You're not meant to s--

Just find me a phone and send me a text with your location.

- Okay. Yes. - Yeah .

Um, what sh-- Uh, what do you want me to say?

The message isn't the-- That's not-- No, no, no.

Okay, just-- Send me a... ...little text,

-"Hello, Danny." Put that in it, okay? - Well, okay.

Look, I just wanna help you get home.

So can you please do this one thing for me?

Yes... Maybe.

- Great. - Probably.

That'll do. Okay.

Call me back from this phone in half an hour

if you can't find another, okay?

- If I can't find another what? -

Lisa, you need to put money in that street phone.

- No-- -

- To call back, press 1. - Oh.

Come on, Lisa.

- Hi! - Oh, hey.

Finally got-- You got a phone?

- I did. This is Al's phone. - Am I on TikTok?

No, you're not. It's just-- just me.

I'm in Al's shop. Al has got a phone and he's got a shop.

Can you believe that?

- I've had this shop since 1996. - What?

- He's had this shop since 1996. - Yes, I heard that bit. Uh, where are you?

I told you, I'm in Al's shop.

- Of course, Al's. -

I'll just look for that on the map. Would you believe it? It is not there.

- That's weird. - It is quite weird.

Yeah. Look, please. Which part of London are you in?

- Al-- - Yes?

Sorry, where are we?

This is Well Street, Hackney, dear.

- Oh. That's good. - Okay. Bear with--

Yeah. Okay, you're on your way home, kind of.

- Am I? That is good news. - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Huh...

- Okay. You can get a bus home from there. - Right.

It's like I was supposed to come to Hackney

so that this moment could happen.

- Do you know what I mean, Danny? - Sure.

Okay, so two buses home from there.

- First one being the 253. - Oh, 253.

Yeah. And the second being the 91.

Ninety-one. Okay.

- 253. Ninety-one. 253. Ninety-- - What are you doing?

I'm singing numbers.

Numbers are actually quite weird, aren't they?

Put Al on now, please.

- Put him on. - Uh, hello.

Hello. Um, sorry to bother you, but I don't suppose

you could help my friend there get on the 253 bus?

Yeah. The 253 bus actually stops right outside my shop.

- I'll escort her onto it personally. - Ah, thank God.

Thank you so much. You're a star.

Right. Lisa, all is good. Al is gonna make sure you get on that bus.

- Who's Al? - Who's Al?

- Are you on a-- -

Gone.

- -

- Hello. - Hi.

- That doesn't look like home. - No.

- Bit of a mix-up on the old bus front. - You got on the wrong bus?

No. I got on the right bus in the wrong direction.

Okay. Well, that's easy to do.

- Where are you now? - Where am I again?

Bermondsey.

- Bermondsey? - Jamaica Road.

Okay. Where in Jamaica Road?

- In a launderette. - What's the name of the launderette?

- Launderette. - It's Launderette.

- Is it? - Yeah.

Oh, this is Lena.

She is a lifesaver. She lent me her phone.

Hi. Hi, Lena. Uh, thanks for looking after her.

Oh, don't worry, sweetheart. She brightens up this place.

- All right . - Thanks, Lena.

- I'm gonna book you a cab. - Oh, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. You can't yet. You can't yet.

You see, there's a dryer, and we are trying to work out what's inside it.

And I think it's a giant man-pillow.

Lena thinks it's a big bunch of bras. We've put money on it.

- How much? - 150 quid.

Lisa, no. I think Lena's trying to take advantage of you.

- What? No. Of course she isn't. - Yeah.

- You need to leave immediately. - No, I can't leave.

What if I'm right?

I am starving though. Maybe there's a kebab house nearby.

How can you be starving?

You've done nothing but fill your mouth full of cookies all night.

I know, right?

Pippa brought them to the hen party.

And I don't know, I must've just stashed them in my bag

before I passed out.

Pippa brought cookies to the hen party?

- Yeah. - Don't panic. They're cannabis cookies.

No, they're not.

Lisa. Who brings a tin of biscuits to a hen night?

Pippa just really likes to bake. I just don't think you really know her.

Oh, my God.

Danny, do you think they're-- Do you think the biscuits got me stoned?

Yes. What are you doing? Stop eating the biscuits.

Well, I'm sorry. They're just very moreish.

- How many do you think you've had? - Five or six?

- Five or six? - Maybe seven.

- Okay, so eight then. - I think it's probably about ten.

Lena. Lena, it's stopping.

What is it?

I think it's a puppet. It's got a beak.

Who washes a puppet at two o' clock in the morning?

Oh, my God. You're so right. And what are they doing with it?

At that time? That's just really creepy, isn't it?

Shall I hang around and see who it belongs to?

Definitely not. No, you need to go home. Just wait there until I--

- - Oh.

- Lisa. What? What's happening? - Just a sec.

Get me out of here...