Malcolm in the Middle

-Eat faster! -Don't chew it. Just swallow it!

Nothing.

Granted, this isn't scientific, but the fact that Reese can't get brain freeze has to prove something.

Wait.

I'm feeling something in my toes.

Malcolm in the Middle 7.02 - "Health Insurance"

Synchronisation par Max & Tyno, Script original par Raceman.

-We did it! We finally got back at Tim Schwab and his brother. -What'd you do?

We found a dead octopus in a dumpster at the seafood store.

We shoved its mouth full of medical waste and put it in the Schwabs' air conditioner.

That'll teach them to say we're obnoxious.

Why didn't you let me help?

It couldn't wait, Dewey.

With a dead octopus, there's a very small window before it starts smelling like just another dead fish.

Reese, your hands still stink.

Yeah...

Like victory.

We can't take a walk without our jackets anymore, Jamie.

It's the first cool day of fall.

Fall reminds adults about our mortality, but for you, it's just pretty leaves.

Hmm. What's this?

You're telling me my family's hasn't had health insurance for the last six months?!

Yes, I know you never got the check!

There must be some sort of grace period.

And when those two months are over, what's the grace period on that?

No, no, you can't wait until Monday to reinstate us.

We can't go through the whole weekend without health insurance.

Listen, listen, I am speaking to you from a house full of walking time bombs.

Well, then you're just a bunch of lousy, heartless bastards!

-Who you talking to? -March of Dimes.

I've got to go to work early. Hattie's called another secret meeting about the union.

-Uh-uh. -Goodbye.

Bye, hon.

Listen, Jim.

Can I call you Jim?

Oh, okay, Steven.

Let me level with you.

Six months ago my wife asked me to do one thing. One.

I was supposed to mail your check.

The woman relies on the fact that I can be

occasionally trusted to perform very simple menial tasks.

Now, if you don't start my insurance, and if anything happens to anyone in this family,

I am gonna have to explain to her that her entire life is built on a lie!

Well, I just hope that when your marriage blows up in your face, I'm there to see it!

Okay, Jamie, for the next two days there's no getting sick. There's no getting owies.

All of the safety rules your mother and I told you about, well, starting today, we mean them.

Hi, I'm Connie Guzman, Teddy's mother.

I guess our little guys are gonna have a play date this morning.

Oh, right.

I'm, I'm Hal.

I was so relieved we could schedule something today.

I've got a killer day ahead.

What was that?

It was just his allergies.

Allergies?

Or disease?

There are a lot of viruses going around.

Some of these kids are nothing but walking germ bags.

He seems a little unresponsive.

Is Jamie's mother home?

Boy, I do not like the way this gland feels.

What did his poop look like this morning?

Mommy...

You know, I'm not sure Teddy's up for a play date today.

-Oh, Jamie will be so disappointed. -Come on, Teddy.

-You're going to Mommy's job interview. -We'll do it again some other time.

Just make sure you bring a note from his doctor.

What are you doing?! This is not a toy!

I didn't think I was cutting my bagel with a toy.

This is plenty sharp.

Wait!

Here.

And use the handle.

I'm living in a death house.

And that's why I propose we affiliate ourselves with the Teamsters.

They can deliver a benefits package that's quite substantial.

It's all spelled out in this literature.

Well, I think this is a bad idea.

Bad, bad, bad!

Craig, it can't hurt to just listen.

When Mr. Cochran finds out we're talking union, we'll lose all our perks.

What perks?

We get to wear the smocks on our days off.

And they're talking about fixing the hand dryer in the men's room.

I just want to thank Hattie for organizing this meeting.

I think it's about time the people who really do the work around here start standing up for ourselves.

I for one, am sick of no overtime, no job security...

Excuse me, Joe, I just want to say that Mr. Cochran makes a lot more money than us.

And I strongly feel that on that basis alone, he should be trusted.

Oh, for God's sake, Craig.

You know what really bothers me?

When I see Mr. Cochran parking his car out front every morning and we've got to park nine blocks away.

-They let us use the shuttle to get to our cars. -That's the city bus, Craig.

I appreciate all the anger that's in this room, and God knows I'm not one

to shy away from a fight, but I suggest that instead of starting a union,

we form a special committee to maybe paint Mr. Cochran's house so he'll want to be nice to us.

Sit down and shut up, Feldspar.

You know what?

I've worked here for almost ten years.

I have never felt we needed a union, but when I think about what this place has done to some of us,

how it's made us so afraid to even voice our opinions, then I think maybe we do.

Okay, but let the record show that I advocated a policy of cowardice and appeasement.

Oh. Come here.

Hi.

Okay.

Hattie's still holding these secret union meetings during our breaks.

It's so complicated.

We would have to pay dues, but we'd save on health insurance.

Oh, really? How fast would we get health insurance?

Hattie thinks we can start serious talks with the Teamsters next month.

Oh, who cares?

Boys, breakfast.

Hal, where are all the forks?

Oh, uh, they were all bent out of shape so I sent them out to that guy who fixes them.

The "fork straightener"?

It's the man's work, Lois. I don't think we should make fun.

Hal, how are the boys gonna eat scrambled eggs without forks?

I have to go.

Honey, you know what's a great look?

I saw this gal the other day, had a bike helmet, and I thought, "Why the heck can't women look this good all the time?"

Oh, baby.

Hal, you're messing up my hair.

Okay, look, just buckle up and drive slowly.

Get there late, but get there!

Let this be a lesson to every one of you.

-What's going on with Hattie? -Cochran fired her this morning.

He said it was for dressing provocatively, but he obviously found out

that she's been calling the union meetings.

That's horrible.

Somebody around here's been snitching to Cochran.

Craig, is there something you want to tell me?

No, no, not really.

Why won't you look me in the eye?

Why won't you look me in the eye?

I can play this game as long as you can, Lois.

I'll be watching you, Craig.

Nice cover.

Oh, my God!

What is it?

The Schwabs sent out a mass e-mail to everyone at school.

They Photoshopped our heads onto a dirty movie.

Gross!

That can't be a dirty movie. There aren't any girls in it.

Oh, my God!

I'm not homophobic.

If the three of us were gay lovers, I'd be fine with this.

But it's not true!

This is so humiliating.

My abs are way more ripped than that guy's.

We've got to respond.

Well, I was saving this one to what grade Mr. Watts was going to give me,

but we can climb up on their roof and drop a wasp nest down their chimney.

I have one ready.

I've been teasing the for months to keep them angry.

Perfect.

What does it take to keep you boys safe?

Dad, you don't know what the Schwabs did.

I don't care what they did!

What is the matter with you boys?

Don't you realize you could get killed?!

Dad, I'm not going to die.

-What? -I'm 17.

And so you can't die?

I just don't see it happening.

I've got news for you, Reese. 17-year-olds die all the time.

Oh, come on, Dad.

That's just something they tell you so you'll stay off drugs.

That's it!

You're all grounded in your room for the rest of weekend!

You can't do that!

I know I'm gonna die, Dad.

Nobody is dying in this family until the start of business Monday morning!

Okay, should there be an actual fire, I think we'll be in pretty good shape.

Did you hear?

We did a little investigating.

We found out who Cochran's snitch is.

-Oh, no... -It's Joe.

Joe?

-What about Craig? -What about Craig?

Uh, does Craig know that it's Joe?