Deaner '89

رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال

رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال

My name is Dean Murdoch,

Whoo!

A lot of people call me the Deaner,

Some call me the fucking governor of givin' 'er,,,

,,,and a lucky few,

they know me as the Dean Machine,

Deaner! Deaner! Deaner! Deaner!

Deaner! Deaner! Deaner! Deaner!

For a while there, I played in shit bands

and had a lot of shit jobs,

Yaah!

You know what, though?

I fucking did it,

I finally fucking made it,

This is my fucking mansion,

It is fucking deadly,

There's a lot of people who will say, like,

several fissures in the foundation

would be a reason not to purchase a mansion,

but they knocked off a couple grand,

and I was like, fucking rights, I'm all in,

Want to take a seat?

Okay,

Get comfy,

Grab yourself a cold one,

fire up a butt,

and shove them kids down in the basement,

'cause this story's a fuckin' doozy,

To understand what happened to me,

how I fucking got right here,

you gotta go back,,,

way the fuck back, to 1989,

I grew up in Haylen, Manitoba,

a tiny little steel town

right smack-dab in the middle of butt-fuck, Canada,

You know, like a shithole?

It was the '80s,

Life was fucking deadly, man,

There's Glen, my functional alcoholic father,

and Mirna, my fucking mom

who was addicted to Jazzercise and Jesus,

They both had low sperm counts but big hearts,

so they adopted me and my sister, Jen,

It was grade 11, and I was a fucking local leged

thanks to my hockey skills,

plus, I had this thing called the hyperactive guyroid gland,

which made me extremely handsome,

and made me look just a little older than 17,

Life was fucking deadly, man,

It was the '80s,

What could possibly go fucking wrong?

All of your votes have been cast,

and it's down to this lovely pair of beguiling bakers,

Who has the best pie?

She's right here,

By round of applause, Lonnie,

Whoo!

And Beulah,

And the winner is,,,

Give me this!

Balloons are for babies!

Okay, Happy Haylen Jubilee

from your friends, the Metal Rangers!

Now, what do you say, boys?

Let's have us some pie!

Whoo!

Deaner, mon Tabarnak, we got plans for you!

Every single town had a biker gang

back in those days,

and that was just an everyday occurrence

back in the '80s, man,

Kids don't know what they're missing,

95% of those afflicted

will eventually die from the cancer,

Hey, Hey,

Eyes up front,

Hands at sides,

Eyes, front, hands, sides,

Now we're going to bring up a special guest

to talk about the dangers of smoking,

Please give a nice welcome to Martin Geddes,

I smoked two packs a days

since I was 10,

At 42, I got cancer and had my throat removed,

Thank you,

Okay, then, Does anyone have any questions?

Any questions about the dangers of smoking?

Dean Murdoch, assistant captain

of our very own Steel Falcons junior hockey team,

why don't you come on up and ask Martin a question?

- Why don't you go? - It'll be fun,

Deaner! Deaner! Deaner!

Deaner! Deaner! Deaner!

Can you still have sex?

Yes, definitely,

And if any teachers out there are interested,

I have a massive wang,

- - Okay, then!

Hey, Got a light?

Yeah, I got a fucking light,

Life's too short to play safe,

Here, it's a good luck charm,

I call it "Sexcalibur,"

This is fucking deadly, man!

I can have this?

Yeah,

Hey, Dean! Dude! Check it out,

Hey, Gary, What the fuck's going on?

What's this?

Portable pussy,

A couple squirts of hand cream, just fucking go to town, man,

Why are you showing me this?

Knowledge, dude, I'm trying to pass it on,

Look, this thing changed my fucking life,

Helps you relax before a game or whatever,

Here,,, you can make your own,

Anyway, I gotta go, but I'll see ya at practice, eh?

All right, later, man,

Left,

Right,

Down,

Get down there, fucking Deaner,

Quit doggin' it, dog,

Well, you grow up in a shithole town,

there's really only two things you can do,

You can end up shovelling sparks at the mill,

like my old man, Glen,

or you can play hockey,

The great creators,

they bestowed upon me a magical fucking gift,

I was like a fucking ice wizard out there,

Fucking Merlin with bladed feet,

Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Right on, little buddy!

Deanareano, you're a fucking pussy!

Fucking piece of shit!

You did that on purpose!

Even I can't hit a target that fuckin' tiny,

You wanna go?

Let's fuckin' go!

Jesse, okay, enough, come on!

He wins us every frickin' game, man, take it easy!

All right, that's enough for today,

Come on in,

Jesse, you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, Dean needs a fucking tissue,

Okay, all right, bring it down, listen,

we'll get a bag skate in,

and pretty sure there's a bucket of oranges

back here for you guys,

Okay? Around the net,

Remember this?

[stereo playing "Toreador Song" from Carmen]

What's the matter with you?

I got punched in the face, You just stood there, man,

What's the matter with you?

Look, Dean, in the car, at home, I'm Dad,

At the rink, I'm Coach,

Yeah, well, next time you see Coach,

can you tell him he fucking sucks?

Hey, language!

Look, Dean, you've got a special talent, okay?

When you're on, no one can stop you,

Dean, are you hearing me?

Yeah, I fucking heard you,

Hey! Watch your mouth!

Look, it's like your Nonna always said, okay?

Well, what does that mean?

I'm not sure, actually,

There you go,