Mom

I gotta pee, anyway.

So...

how's it going?

Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.

Yeah, you did.

What's going on?

What's going on is...

the Mitchells have been married for ten years.

All right, you're gonna have to connect the dots a little more.

I waited on the Mitchells when they first got married,

and they come back every year for their anniversary.

And tonight...

was their tenth anniversary.

You know what that means?

Need more dots.

I have been at that stupid restaurant for ten years.

Oh, well, then happy anniversary to you, too.

Waitressing was just supposed to be a temporary thing

till I figured out what I wanted to do with my life.

Same thing happened when I sold knock-off handbags

at the flea market.

I thought... I'll do this for a few months

to pay back my bail bondsman.

Next thing I knew, I had 300 teenagers

working for me in China.

I wanted a career.

Not just a job.

What about going back to school?

I'd have to get my GED first.

You never graduated high school?

No.

Huh.

That doesn't reflect well on me, does it?

Okay, no problem.

Take the test, get your GED.

What kind of career am I gonna have with a high school diploma?

Fine, then your next step is going to college.

Oh, yeah, right.

With all the extra money we have,

I can go to college.

You can apply for scholarships...

Will you stop trying to fix the problem

and just listen to my feelings?!

Now I know why men hate us.

Are we almost done here?

I have to pee.

Mom - 02x10 Nudes and a Six-Day Cleanse

Anyway, she's just afraid she's gonna be a waitress

who lives with her mother for the rest of her life.

Come on, that's not gonna happen.

Damn right, it's not.

You're gonna have to take her at some point.

Thank you.

How about we get some ice cream, go see a movie?

I don't know. It's pretty late.

It's 8:15, Alvin.

Like I said, it's pretty late.

Come on!

What happened to you?

When we were kids, we wouldn't even start the night till 11:00, 12:00.

Yes, well, we were young,

full of life and hope and cocaine.

I'll order you a double espresso.

Yeah, but then I'll be up all night.

So? We can fool around when we get home.

You want to go to a late movie and have sex?

What, am I Superman?

Forget it.

We can still stop for ice cream.

I just need to swing by the Rite Aid

and pick up something to help me process the dairy.

While you're in there,

get me a couple of D batteries and a men's fitness magazine.

Hi, I'm Steve, I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Steve.

I've been sober nine months and 16 days.

I know, right?

Miracle!

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good.

Uh, the California Bar Association

has reluctantly agreed to let me practice law again.

Got a couple of new clients,

and a pretty cool desk I found behind a church.

So, all in all, things are looking up.

Oh, and I...

I don't know this is ap,

but, uh... what the hell?

If anyone here's going through a divorce,

or has slipped and fell in a large chain store,

I'll be over by the cookies after the meeting.

Thanks.

Okay, that's all the time we have for sharing today...

I liked your share.

Oh, thanks.

Listen, I've been thinking about making some changes in my life.

Is there any chance I could talk to you sometime

about how you became a lawyer?

Sure.

Want to grab a coffee after?

That'd be great.

My treat.

No, no, no, no, I got it.

I guess... ever since I was a kid,

I felt that it was so unfair how some people got treated worse

just 'cause they didn't have money.

And I always wanted to do something about it, you know?

Be the kind of lawyer who helps them get a fair shake.

You know what we call lawyers like that?

Poor.

All right, well, then I've got that part down.

My main worry is... am I too late?

Is it crazy for me to try this at my age?

Not at all.

You're smart, you're motivated,

and a guy could just drown in those eyes.

Excuse me?

So where'd you go to college?

Um, I haven't exactly done that, yet.

- High school? - I never finished.

I was a little too "high" for the "school" part.

It's actually one of my biggest regrets.

Uh-huh.

Steve?

Right here.

Yeah, so listen, I know that I have to get my GED

and get my college degree...

Right, and then you're looking at three years of law school.

So, seven years, bam, you're a lawyer.

I'm a working single mom.

I couldn't go to school full-time.

So, ten years, bam, you're a lawyer.

Oh, my God.

The Mitchells will have been married 20 years.

The Mitchells?

Oh, they're this nice couple I wait on at my restaurant.

Well, if you stick with it,

maybe, when their marriage falls apart, you can handle their divorce.

I'd like that.

Goes without saying you want to represent the wife.

Sure!

Well, if you want some on-the-job training,

why don't you come to my office a couple hours a week

and give me a hand?

Oh, that'd be great. Thank you.

- Let me get this. - Don't be ridiculous.

This is on the house.

Waiter, got a problem here!

Okay, when I click enter,

I will be officially signed up to take my GED test.

My first step to becoming a lawyer

and changing my life forever.

What are you waiting for?

To be honest, I'm a little scared.

- Want me to do it for you? - No!

This is my button to click.

This is the first step on my journey.

No one can take it for me.

Hey!

I really want to play Minecraft.

I got it!

Hey!

This is a nice surprise.

What's up?

You got me thinking the other night

about how we don't party like we used to,

and I thought maybe I could do something about it.

- Like what? - Like tomorrow night,

you and I have tickets to see your favorite band

from the '70s.

- The Rolling... - Aerosmith!

Aerosmith!

Oh, my God, Alvin, this is amazing.

Do you realize I haven't been to a rock concert sober since...

Uh, you know, I'm gonna have to go with never.

Here we are.

As you can see, I'm not real good at organizing my files.

Yeah.

How'd you get through law school?

Methamphetamines and an Asian roommate.

Work late a lot?

Uh, that and I kind of live here.

So, anyway, if you could put all this...

away...

so that I could find it again, that would be awesome.

You got it.

Hang on a sec.

Just got to...

clear out these dead soldiers.

Thank you for your service, fellas.

Do you want me to file these alphabetically?

By date? Type of case?

Yes.

Uh...

"Roxy versus Nudes Nudes Nudes."

What's this

Uh, oh, that, uh...

Roxy, not her real name, is, uh, suing Nudes Nudes Nudes,

a gentlemen's club by the airport

with surprisingly good chicken wings.

Yeah, yeah, but what's the suit about?