The Miseducation of Cameron Post

Okay.

Everybody, eyes up here. It's time to get started.

So, I was thinking this morning.

I was thinking about what it was like being your age,

how I'd come to worship like I was ticking off a to-do list.

I didn't get it like I do now,

and I thought, "Well, maybe I should tell you guys a secret."

Do you know what we're trying to do every Sunday

in church as adults?

We're trying to undo the things we did when we were your age.

Think about it. You're our future,

and you are at an age

where you are especially vulnerable to evil.

Now when I say, "Evil," I mean evil.

And you won't see it now.

You won't see it tomorrow.

But what feels like fun is actually the enemy,

and that enemy is closing the noose around your neck.

Bruce?! Is anyone home?!

While you experiment and play with that yoke

like it's a toy and you think,

"Oh, just this once, just...

just a little longer," click.

It's got you.

Okay. Wait. H-Honey. Honey.

They're here.

Eyes to camera.

put your arms around the girls' waists.

Yeah, or should I go up? Okay.

You look really, really beautiful.

Thanks.

I want to try something.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Cameron, what the fuck?

Jamie.

What the fuck?

I can't fucking believe this.

I'm sorry.

It's just so messed up!

And by the time I was in my 30s,

I didn't believe in God at all.

You know what, George? It wasn't until...

The Scripture we're referencing

is Matthew 10:11,

and if you go to Matthew 10:11,

you'll probably know this one.

Uh, whatever town or villa...

Hey.

Hello.

I'm looking for Reverend Rick.

He's still in a sermon. I'll take you to him.

I'm Cameron. I know.

All right, guys. Time's up. See you at dinner.

Erin's a big Vikings fan, aren't you?

Guilty as charged.

But don't worry. You'll get decorating privileges soon.

You have to earn certain rights at God's Promise.

I swear it's not that bad... just decorating and mail.

Most disciples get there in a few weeks.

It's all spelled out in the contract.

Maybe in the meantime, you'll become a Vikings fan.

Who's your favorite team? I-I don't have one.

I'm impressed.

It's pretty rare that I don't manage to...

Oh, spoke too soon.

I'm guessing The Breeders aren't singing in praise of the Lord.

Where did you get this?

Columbia House.

I'm done here.

Take a look at the contract?

Yeah.

All that's left is your signature, and we're good to go.

I think you're going to do really well here, Cammie.

Perfect. Now you're officially a disciple of God's Promise.

Welcome.

Whoo!

Fuck.

I want you to put on your clothes and leave.

No, you don't. Yes, I do.

No, you don't.

This movie's weird.

I want you to leave.

You knew that was going to happen.

No, I didn't.

I wouldn't know what to do.

You can start by putting

the do-not-disturb sign on the door.

I really didn't know it was going to happen.

Yes, you did.

No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

That part went smoothly.

I'm not...

taking off my robe.

Well, everybody draws the line somewhere.

I don't usually...

...feel this way. It's blocking me.

I don't know if I've ever felt...

this way before.

Tell me when to stop.

I think if your top priority is to get better,

that should also be true of the people

you surround yourself with, you know?

And you think you're getting... better?

Of course.

I've been brought closer to God,

and I can feel Him guiding me.

Like, Helen's a really good friend,

and we're positive influences on each other.

That's her by the milk.

It's a shame she's so... Hi!

Well, she's kind of butch, isn't she?

I know that's a mean word, but I mean it, like,

factually, like, not in a mean way.

That girl's name is Jane Fonda...

like, her actual name.

Either that or she's lying.

She could be lying.

Mark is really cool.

Don't look now, but he's at my 12:00.

You looked.

He has a really nice singing voice,

and, okay, you have to promise not to tell anyone,

but I have a really big crush on him.

My lips are sealed.

Rick is such an inspiration.

Do you know he used to struggle with same-sex attractions?

Really?

Yeah, and he's been in recovery for years,

and now he and Bethany are girlfriend and boyfriend.

Yeah. How cute is that?

I think they could both do better.

Totally. Wait. What?

Honey, what grade were you starting at school?

Um, 11th.

Oh, great. I think we have that one.

Okay.

Uh... ah.

Here we go.

Does this look right to you?

Yes.

I apologize for the interruption,

Ms. Kimballs-Ericson.

I've come to meet our new disciple.

Welcome, Cameron. I'm Dr. Lydia Marsh.

I'm the director of God's Promise.

Hi.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I know the adjustment can be difficult at first,

but I have every faith you'll find yourself at home here soon.

In the meantime, please don't hesitate to ask

if you need anything.

Thank you.

You should consider yourself amongst family, Cameron.

You can call me "Cam."

"Cameron" is already a masculine name.

To abbreviate as something even less feminine

only exacerbates your gender confusion.

Right.

Glad we're on the same page.

I have told you

to keep your hair

out of your eyes.

There's no hiding from God.

Would you say that the tip of the iceberg looks scary

to the people on the boat?

Yeah.

It's all the people on the ship want to focus on,