The Apple

How are we doing, Shake?

We're doing okay, excitement 90, tension 92...

pulse rate 132...

and 138 heartbeats.

Yes, my Pandi and Dandi are magnifique.

I'm going to make them the biggest stars of our decade.

Boss, we have just scored...

150 heartbeats.

Gentlemen, I predict our BIM song...

is going to take this competition by storm.

Ashley, prepare some BIM merchandise.

- Something like BIM T-shirts. - T-shirts?

Ashley, use your imagination. This is 1994.

On the 1994 Worldvision Song Competition

Via satellite to over two billion viewers

We are moving on to number six.

And now here they are, singing their song,

Love, the Universal Melody,

Alphie and Bibi.

What the hell is this?

It's a love song.

- Do the BIM! - Shut up!

Go back to Moose Jaw!

Bob, what's going on?

As you can see, they're starting to climb.

Oh, hell.

- What's the matter with you? - It's so beautiful.

Who the hell are they?

They're nobodies.

I swear, they're just a couple of kids from Moose Jaw.

- Moose where? - I think it's in Canada.

They're good.

But, boss, for Christ's sake, they're singing a love song.

Love songs are out. It's just nostalgia.

Nostalgia is always dangerous.

Don't worry, boss. They'll never reach a 150.

One hundred and fifty-one.

- Shake. - Yes, sir?

- Red tape. - The red tape, sir?

You heard me.

Take this tape and put it on right now.

And don't ask any questions.

But, what if somebody sees?

Then you're dead. Very dead.

Come on, where's this coming from? What's this?

Mr. Boogalow.

Oh, monsieur Boogalow, Je suis Jean-Louis de la Radio Monte Carlo.

Avez-vous quelque chose a dire aux ecouteurs de la Radio Monte Carlo?

Oui, a Ce moment, mesdames et messieurs, je vous passe

le plus grand imprésario Du monde, monsieur Boogalow.

Mesdames et messieurs, la meilleure chanson a gagné,

alors Le BIM sera toujours avec nous.

- Merci et bonne nuit. - Bitte sagensie auf Deutsch.

Naturlich, meine Damen und Herren, das beste Lied hat gewonnen.

Der BIM wird immer mit uns sein. Danke vielmals und gute Nacht.

Bon, monsieur Boogalow, italiano per favore.

Signore e signori, la migliore canzone ha vinto.

Allora il BIM Sara sempre con noi, grazie tante e buona notte.

Mr. Boogalow, what about something for the billion of Americans who were watching?

The best song won. The BIM is with us to stay.

I understand the government has adopted your BIM song as part of their national fitness program,

- is that true? - You'll know tomorrow.

Sir, rumor has it that there was another song which came very close to being the winner...

Just a moment, who do you write for?

I'm Joe Pittman from The Daily Post.

Very well, Joe Pittman, will you repeat your question?

Yeah, people say that this whole competition was rigged.

You may print what you just said, Joe Pittman...

and you will find yourself in the unemployment line tomorrow morning.

- How about that? - Well, sir...

Thank you very much.

- What is it, boss? - Nothing.

Joe Pittman. Just remember that name.

We won the grand prize. We won it.

Congratulations!

I did it with this.

Daisy.

Thank you.

Let's drink to this.

How about a drink with our BIM glasses?

Lovely, Ashley.

Ladies and gentlemen...

a toast to BIM.

BIM!

Bibi, I don't want to go there, I don't even like the guy.

It's just a party. I promised we would go.

Come on, let's just go home.

But he liked us, maybe he'll sign us. We need an agent.

- I don't trust him. - He's the biggest agent in the world.

He made Pandi and Dandi. He made the BIM. Please, Alphie.

Ashley, your BIM-ball machine appears to be very successful.

- What else have you got to astound me? - This, sir.

A BIM earring. Nice.

But it's not only an earring. It's a BIM mark...

- and you can stick it anywhere. - Well done, Ashley.

Clever boy, now get everybody to wear one. Immediatement.

Ladies and gentlemen, attention please.

Our marketing genius, Ashley...

has invented a beautiful BIM mark.

We're all going to wear it from now on.

And I shall be the first one. Voila!

Mr. Boogalow.

Anybody for a BIM mark?

Take a BIM mark.

- Pandi, may I Bimunize you? - Yes, you may, my darling.

Hey boss, they're here!

Here they are.

Ladies and gentlemen, my guests of honor from...

- Moose Jaw. - ...Moose Jaw.

Come, my friends, let me introduce you to my stars.

This is my star, Dandi.

Hi, nice to meet you.

And this is my beautiful Pandi.

Now, let's all have a drink. We have something to celebrate.

Bravo!

- How about BIM and tonic. - BIM your way out, please.

I want to tell you, you did a great job with that song. Just great.

But the crowd booed us in the end.

Forget the crowd, they're just not into that kind of crap anymore.

Crap? Well, Alphie wrote it.

Well, there you go.

Champagne, young man?

Sorry, I don't drink alcohol.

Did you hear that? But this is remarkable.

- Our young star from... - Moose Jaw.

...Moose Jaw does not drink alcohol.

And how about you?

Yes, please, I'll have a glass of champagne.

Wow, that's my baby.

Dandi, why don't you show this beautiful young lady my penthouse.

With pleasure.

Would you like a grand tour, too, Mr. Shake?

Well, why not?

Come, young man, we have a lot to talk about.

- We do? What for instance? - Your future, for instance.

- This is the roof garden. - It's so beautiful out here.

Oh, my God, look at the people.

They look like little bugs running around.

- I've never been so high in my life. - You're joking.

Here, try one of these.

- What are they? - Just little pills, they won't harm you.

Come on. Take it.

- You're really from the sticks, aren't you? - From where?

From the sticks, like out in the boondocks.

Are you speaking English?

Look, the boondocks means you're from the middle of nowhere.

You know what I'm saying? You're from the middle of nowhere.

Forget it.

Get out.