Gravy

Every eve of every hallow.

- (CHUCKLES) - (MUSIC PLAYING)

High time we made a stand.

And shook up the views of the common man.

The love train rides from coast to coast.

D.J.'s the man we love the most.

Could you be, could you be squeaky clean'?

- And smash any hope of democracy? - Hello?

As the headline says you're free to choose.

There's egg on your face and mud on your shoes.

One of these days they're gonna call it the blues, yeah, yeah

Sowing the seeds of love, the seeds of love,

sowing the seeds of...

Hello?

Well, in view of the fact that there is no one

here to seek payment for this delectable frosty treat...

- Oh, my gosh! - Ah“

I am so sorry! Have you been waiting long?

Oh, no. I actually...

I had like a gallon of pink lemonade before my shift

and I knew I had to wee, but I couldn't because

I couldn't be late and I'm a professional.

But it was an emergency and now my life is in your hands

and we do have a half bath and we tell everybody that we don't.

We lie, but we do. We have a commode and a sink.

Would you like to fill out a gripe report?

Yes. No! No! No! I don't have any gripes.

- No, your... - Oh! (GIGGLES)

Hey, your... your secret is safe with me, Miss, um...

Goolsby, Miss Bethany Lynne Goolsby from Haddonfield.

Well, Miss Bethany Lynne Goolsby from Haddonsfield,

I say that we put this whole thing behind us

and we pretend like it never happened.

You're nice!

When you were born, what name were you given?

- Anson. - Anson, like Manson.

- Well, yeah, sort of. - That was weird.

- They totally rhymed. - It does rhyme.

It totally rhymes.

Well, will that be all for you tonight, Anson?

Um, yep. Oh, no. Oh, uh, yeah. Save a tree. (CHUCKLES)

That's so nice! I frickin' love sorbet!

I frickin' love it too! It fully cleanses my palate.

- Yeah. - Oh, um...

Don't. Don't. I'm gonna...

I'm gonna give it to you for free.

- Hmm? - I'm gonna give it to you for free.

Can you hear what I'm saying?

I'm gonna give it to you for free.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Well, thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

- (CHUCKLES) Milady. - (CHUCKLES) Oh.

Oh, come back after the winter when you've found food for us!

I have found food!

Let's eat it!

I have been hunting and gathering at once!

I do all the jobs out there.

'Cause I have a big steed that I ride.

Oh, it's hard to get your horse to go in circles.

(VOCALIZING NONSENSE INSTRUMENTAL SOUNDS)

(MIMICKING ANSON'S NONSENSE INSTRUMENTAL SOUNDS)

I've always wanted to dance a jig!

You seem like you could teach a jig.

Well, I was just being honest.

Never mind.

You can tell me anything. I hope you know that.

Um, okay, would it be weird if I came and visited you sometime?

Eh, no, not under any circumstances would it be weird.

It would be, it would be perfectly yes.

Happy Halloween, Miss Bethany Lynne Goolsby.

Happy Halloween, Anson like Manson.

Open hearts.

Feel about it.

Open minds.

Think about it.

Everyone.

Read about it.

Everyone.

Scream about it.

Everyone.

Everyone.

Yeah.

- Everyone. - (LAUGHS)

Read about it, read about h.

Read in the books in the crannies and the nooks there are books to read.

- Sowing the seeds of love. - Sowing the seeds of love.

We're sowing the seeds.

Sowing the seeds...

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, is there a list?

List! Yes, it does matter.

Because it's fucking freezing outside

and I'm wearing this ass-tastic peach melba

fit & flare number, Heather. Be part of the solution.

No way! If I wear a jacket, I might as well not even

be wearing a costume, okay?

I'm not an Inuit, and plus, my nipples are poking out

like little Patriot missiles and that's the fire starter, hmm?

Fuck, dude! It's so cold!

I, like, can't even inhale. Fuck.

But I thought you were all over this.

Well, good, because I can't do everything

while I'm toiling like a white slave.

This godforsaken fish tank is gonna be the death of me.

Dumb bitch.

Because I have to clean the fish poo, Heather!

Yep, I'm a cock-teasing, fish poo cleaning...

Oop, shit. (LAUGHS)

Junior college party-crashing little diva bitty, and so are you.

Hey, we better be on that fucking list. Jesus.

The illegitimate distortion

of the historical record says that certain events appear

- in a more favorable light. - Oh, but surely you make jest.

Napoleon was one of the greatest

military strategists the world has ever known.

His codes were infamous! The Army of Portugal cipher.

Bitch, my cousin Deandre don't even have his GED

and even he can figure out the Army of Portugal cipher!

It was just a bunch of missin' letters.

Everybody know that!

Hmm.

Okay-

(BOXING ANNOUNCER SPEAKING SPANISH)

Nice.

That's right. Ain't no holes in my game, son.

Little Georgie shoved his whole arm up your boy's ass and said,

"Hey, everybody, this is Nappy. He's my bitch."

"You got any bright ideas, Nappy?"

"Eh, eh, eh, eh.

Oui! Let's go to Egypt! I want those pyramids!"

George Scovell was lucky.

He was a showboat and a nincompoop!

- You a damn nincompoop. - You're a nincompoop!

- You're a nincompoop! - You are a nincompoop!

You're right.

I am a nincompoop.

- Respect! - Respect.

You are going to ace this test.

From your lips to God's ears, my brother.

Bert, hello. Time to get up. Time to go home.

My phone is dead.

Possibly because I left about

17 longwinded-ish messages

for my, uh, my angel.

I thought...

You know what? I'm good.

- I'm an oak. - You are an oak.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'm gonna clean it up.

I am nobody's jerk, so...

Absolutely not.

Please be careful going up the stairs.

You're an oak. Tiptop. Use the railing.

God.

Yeah! He's had a rough night, wearing that.

Oh, my God.

I cannot believe he proposed here, like, that's so shitty.

Got down on one knee and everything.

Had me float the ring in a ginger margarita.

Tequila shot? Pretty please?

: You're gonna miss the shit out of me.

: This is true. What am I gonna do without you?

Yo, that shit's nasty. Where's Julio?

He drove Melissa to the hospital after her water broke.

That hooker was walking with some quesadillas

and her shit just started cascading

- down her legs onto the carpet. - (CHUCKLES) She's not a hooker.

Then she should be. The bar empty or what?

No, not yet.

Well, I ain't gonna be here all damn night.

I'm gonna go out and get me some candy and nuts.

Wink, what'd you lock the door for?

I ain't locked shit.

- Well, it won't open. - So?

So, it has ceased to serve its purpose as a door.

Then don't think of it as one!

Damn. Fuck outta my face.

Oh, hell, yeah! Genghis motherfuckin' Khan.

It's true. At least here I have you guys.

- We're in the trenches together. - Oh, fuck off!

You think any of us actually want to be here? Okay, stop.

This is still all about king of the dipshits, and I've had it.

He was a loser. Seriously.

You are better off without him and you know it.

You're gonna end up with some gorgeous doctor

with a huge dong and a Range Rover.

I refuse to feel sorry for you.

Winketta, do me a favor.

Stop eating for a second, go check the floor,

and bring Kerry and Cricket with you.

- Mmm. What's this? - Uh-uh-uh-uh! Uh-uh. No, no.

You can't give a sista a little baby piece?

Nobody gets any until Kerry comes back here.

We're all gonna get together and we're gonna sing.

"For She's a Jolly Good Fellow" and next week when you graduate

we're gonna do the same thing for you, senorita.

All right.

I'll bring her ass back here, but I ain't singin' shit.

And y'all better not touch my nachos neither!

Your nachos are safe. Now go on.

I don't understand this thing. It's not even locked!

That's what I was sayin', homes.