Ground Floor

Hey. How was your shower?

Nice... all the rust in your water makes a great exfoliant.

And you thought it was gonna kill you.

Seriously, don't let that get in your mouth.

Kind of wish the walls were a little thicker, though.

It feels like your neighbor could hear everything.

Not everything.

Good to know, Ray.

This one's a keeper, Jenny.

Ray has been very supportive.

Oh, I love having you here and playing house.

Mm.

I think you should stay here every night.

Yeah, though I do miss

my organic California-king pillow-top, extra-firm,

adjustable memory-foam mattress.

Well, old lumpy's been with me since I was 19.

Oh, my God. If this bed could talk...

It would be silent.

So, where do you want to sleep tonight... the hill or the valley?

Mm, I'll take the hill. I like the view.

Okay.

- Good night. - Good night.

Are you guys gonna do it?

- Good night, Ray! - Good night, Ray!

Are you wearing jeans?

Yeah. This is how we dress downstairs, man.

And I got to tell you, I kind of like it.

It's super-laid-back. The hours are great.

You know what I saw when I got out last night?

- What's that? - Night.

I miss night.

I haven't had a night off since the "Sex and the City" movie.

Which one?

There were two?

Ohh.

I never go out anymore, man.

I can't remember the last time I got laid.

I'm in, like, a record dry spell.

I swear, this morning... heat lightning.

I don't have time for this, okay?

I got to go talk to Mansfield.

Ooh, in jeans?

Do you want to borrow my emergency slacks?

No, no, no, no.

This time, it's not about business.

I'm gonna remind him of our personal connection.

He can't resist that.

Unrelated, why do you look so good?

Your skin's glowing.

This morning, I had a rusty shower.

Oh, my God, they invented new sex moves?

Good morning, Mr. Mansfield.

I have a little something for you.

What's with the costume?

It's not a costume. They're called jeans.

Well, I know what they are.

I own several pair of dungarees myself.

You'd be surprised just how many Western-themed charity events

I have to attend.

Actually, I went to one the other night.

I can't remember what it was called,

but they show you pictures of... of teeth and gums,

and damn it if you don't just write a check!

Well, anyway, I thought you might be interested in this.

It's the original signature page from the Thomas account.

I found it downstairs.

It must have been shredded by accident,

so I pieced it together... it reminds me of the time

we accidentally shredded the Mays file.

You and I worked all night reassembling it.

And then, as the sun rose on your balcony,

you said... why?

I see what you're doing.

You've come in here with hopes of warming me up

with your talk of old times and your blue cotton trousers.

I was just making conversation.

But that's not our relationship anymore.

You know what they say...

Fool me once, not gonna happen.

Fool me twice, I thought I made it clear

you didn't fool me the first time.

So, you and I can no longer talk?

Don't blame me.

I used to love giving you advice.

But there will be no more chitchat.

Just so you know, I spent a long time on that.

- That sound like chit. - Just let me say...

That sounds like chat. Good day.

- Ms. Harris! - Yes, sir?

What do you need? Anything.

You want me to write a logarithm, algorithm, cryptarithm?

Like they said at M.I.T., I've got "-ithm."

Ha.

How would you like to be a part

of one of the biggest deals in the history of this company?

I would love to!

And you will. But not today.

Go ahead and un-shred that for me, will you?

- Great. I love puzzles. - I love your attitude.

- You know, I was actually voted... - We're done!

Well, it's gonna take longer than I thought to get out of these jeans.

Oh, not if I have anything to do with it.

Mwah.

I know you want your job back upstairs,

but I love having you down here.

They're here! They're here! Paychecks!

Ha, ha, yes!

I don't work this hard for nothing.

- Can you bring me mine? - I'm on break.

Guess who's getting his beard trimmed?

And not at the dog place.

Mr. Moyer, I believe that's for you.

Oh, this is very exciting.

This is my very first downstairs...

What the... fi... how?

This can't be right.

Oh, no. It's not.

They forgot to take out social security.

So they'll just take out more next time.

"Take out more"?

This is less than I pay my waxer.

For my car, you idiot.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Looks like poor little rich boy's now got to wax

like all us poor people.

Hey, Harvard, Brody's one of us now, okay?

I'm just saying... upstairs people

can't make it on a downstairs paycheck.

Dude, I was a money manager, okay?

If you can do it, I can do it.

Why don't you put your lack of money

where your tiny, hairless mouth is?

How about I put my tiny, hairless mo...

This is not going anywhere good.

All right, why don't you two make a bet?

Whoever has the most money left over

from their paychecks on Friday wins.

- I'm in. - Yeah, me too.

Babe, are you sure?

You're gonna have to make, like, some serious waxing adjustments.

Well, trust me. I can figure out a way, okay?

I can live on this every week.

It's every two weeks.

What the f... how?

All right, to make the bet fair, I cashed both your paychecks.

You each get the same amount of money minus the "ADM" fee.

Oh, you mean ATM fee.

No, ADM... "Automatic Derrick Money."

Okay. It's on.

How do I know Brody's not gonna cheat with his rich-people tricks?

You know, with...

Bank accounts and credit scores.

Simple... Just give me all your cards. Okay.

All right, Brody's got a gold card, platinum card,

and a black card.

Harvard's got a sandwich-club card, a yoga-club card,

and a card that appears to be the six of diamonds.

Were you thinking of the six of diamonds?

I am now.

How did I do it?

Hey, Jenny.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

Um... So...

I'm having a bit of a dry spell with the ladies.

Okay.

And I was wondering if you had a friend

you could maybe set me up with who could...

Make it rain.

Okay, so, you would like to use one of my friends

as a slump-buster.

That is a degrading term, and I would never use it.

Why? Were you thinking of somebody specific, or...?

Oh, that's impressive.

You have perfectly re-assembled an e-mail from my wife

asking me what I want for dinner.

Spoiler alert...

it's anything with meat because, damn it, I'm a man.

I've never met anyone

who printed out and shredded all of their e-mails.

Well, if it's worth reading, it's worth printing.

And if it's worth printing,

then it's no one else's goddamn business.

You know, I got to confess to you...

you remind me of someone...

a new associate working late on a night not unlike this

with a man a hell of a lot like me.

And I just want you to know that if you ever need any advice

I'm here.

Well, I have a system.

I bet you do.

Show me what you got there, kiddo.

First, I find a letter.

Aha.

Then, I make up a song about that letter.

Good night!

Whatcha doing?

My budget.

Ooh, oh, panties, you stay on there.