Ground Floor

Have I seen the numbers?

Of course I've seen the numbers.

Jamison, I need to see the numbers.

Dude. I'm so sorry, man.

What are you doing up here anyway?

You work on the ground floor now.

Just trying to stay on Mansfield's radar

so he'll remember how impressive I am.

By holding a garbage can?

No, not a garbage can.

Actually, five garbage cans.

It's my new B.R.O.W.N. System.

It stands for biodegradable, recyclable, organic, wet, and no idea.

Yeah, uh, I like the old system where you throw it all in one can...

You let the guy downstairs sort it out.

Only the guy is me now, and you have no idea how gross it gets,

which is why I came up with "no idea."

I'm sorry. I didn't...

No, it's okay. It won't be for long.

Especially because I have a new hot stock tip for the morning meeting,

and once I slip Mansfield my tip, then I'll be able to go all the way in.

All right, listen up. I need those third-quarter numbers.

I'd rather have them now than have them perfect,

but they had better be perfect.

Now, lookit, the, uh, hang seng dipped 2% overnight,

so I should be hearing the sound of some of my rabid analysts

clamoring for my attention.

Instead, all I'm hearing is the sound of my very own buttery baritone.

Actually, sir, if I may...

Chuffa communications.

Their stock is down 87%, and they have zero debt.

They're ripe for a takeover.

How's that for rabid, bitches?

That's exactly what I wanted to hear.

It's exactly what I was gonna say.

She stock-blocked me.

Excellent work, Ms. Harris.

Coffee break is officially...

Over!

Oh, guys, uh, please don't.

There's a new system. It's B.R.O.W.N.

Let's take a moment to debrief here.

Hey, I'm a person.

So, uh, Mr. Wen, I suppose you know what day, uh, tomorrow is.

Yes, sir. Uh, it's Wednesday.

It's my birthday.

Now, I... I guess the whole office

is gonna do the same thing they do every year.

They're going to "surprise" me with cake and champagne

and that embarrassing toast.

Well, sir, if the toast is too embarrassing, we don't have to do it.

Of course we have to do the goddamn toast.

There are people in this office that look forward to that toast every year.

It's a perfect blend of wit, whimsy, and emotion.

It always starts out with a-a joke at my expense

like, um... oh, gosh...

I have the body of a 25-year-old locked in my basement.

Sir, I don't know if that's how that joke goes.

Well, I don't know how the damn joke goes.

I'm not Gallagher.

Uh, well, you know, it's Brody's joke.

H-h-he always gives the toast.

Eh, well, Brody doesn't work here anymore.

All I know is there are people in this office

that expect that toast to be perfect, and I don't care who gives it.

It's gonna be you.

Hello?

What the hell?

Way to ruin a moment, jackass.

How was that a moment?

You were all just sitting in the dark.

The challenge is to sit completely still for 15 minutes

until the motion detectors automatically turn off the lights.

And after sitting and doing absolutely nothing

for an hour and a half, the A.C shuts off.

Found that out in the bathroom.

Hey, well, now that the lights are on, what should I do, boss lady?

Actually, according to HR, as long as we are having a relationship,

I can't order you around.

Oh, that didn't stop you last night.

I see why that's a rule now.

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

As of now, I am no longer your supervisor,

which is why I feel okay about doing this.

Wait, so who's my new supervisor?

Hello, meat.

From this point forward, the only easy day is yesterday.

Your first impossible task

is going to be to organize all of these purchase orders!

I already did it.

And, in fact, I-I put it into these colorful binders.

Your second impossible task was gonna be to find the colorful binders.

Good for you.

Now, shit meet fan.

You're gonna clean out the stock room.

Oh, I've instituted a qr code system

to automate inventory in all three stock rooms.

Two questions... there's a third stock room...

...and there is a second stock room?

And I actually took the liberty of changing our downstairs hold music

to the Wilson Phillips song "Hold on."

I'll lay down a new mix tonight.

So, you guys have anything else for me to do?

Oh, believe me.

We haven't even begun to scratch

the surface of hell that I'm gonna put you through.

Mm.

I've got nothing.

Jenny? Jenny Miller?

Hey! Get... h-hi!

What are you doing here?

You don't remember me.

Of course I remember you. You're...

- Lindsay. - ...Lindsay.

Right. And I know you from...

- High school. - ...High school.

Wait. You went to Modrell?

Yeah, you were a-a year ahead of me.

You were one of the cool kids.

You had a fake I.D. in seventh grade

and you didn't have a curfew and you looked like that.

Everyone wanted to be your friend.

That sounds sweet.

Yeah.

You also gave me the nickname flimsy Lindsay.

It was right after I got knocked out in P.E. playing badminton.

Oh, wow.

How'd you get knocked out playing badminton?

Oh, I took a shuttlecock to the face.

Girl, you took a shuttlecock to the face, and I nicknamed you flimsy?

I think you got off okay there.

Lucky me.

Anyway, I got over it eventually...

after college and some therapy.

Twice a week. Insurance covered it.

No biggie.

Oh, good. That's back.

Well, that's my ride.

Oh, you... you work here?

I just got hired at Remington Trust.

Hey, cool. I work downstairs.

So, we'll see each other every day.

Oh. Great.

I'm gonna go call Dr. Rothstein

and tell him... the good news.

Sir, I don't mean to bother you, but I just wanted to drop this off.

You're probably wondering what it is.

I'm good.

It's a scanner.

You just point and shoot at any object,

and... boop!...

You just ordered yourself some pens.

I'm revolutionizing all the systems downstairs.

In fact, if you were to call downstairs and get put on hold,

you'd probably hear something like this...

M-m-m-mister... Mr. Moyer, Mr. Moyer.

What's up?

I-I just want you to know that I didn't stop you

because I don't love Wilson Phillips.

God almighty, I do.

But I-I also want you to know

that I do see how hard you're working around here,

what with the singing and ...and... and the boop gun.

Oh, thank you, sir.

It's just that... well, I don't care.

But, Mr. Mansfield.

No, no, no, no, no.

Three little words...

I...Don't... Care.

What the hell did you do to the supply closet?

You ruined my whole system.

What system is that? Piles of unrelated crap?

Yes.

The whole point was that nobody else could understand it.

That was my job security.

Yeah, why don't you slow down?

Mansfield can't even see you down here.

If he could, he would know that I lived here for most of 2010.

Look, haven't you guys ever heard

of taking pride in your work?

No. I don't understand the question.

Well, he's gonna make us obsolete.

I'd be losing my mind if I didn't have

the special stress remedies my doctor prescribed.

You know, Dr. Ganja's not a real doctor.

He got his degree from the university of cannabis.

Go to my guy. He's legit.

Dr. Doobie Howser.

Hey, buddy.

Uh, I don't know if you know what tomorrow is.

Oh, Mansfield's birthday.

He was born at 12:04 A.M. after a 36-hour labor.

His mother, Dolores, declined all anesthesia.

Rumor has it, he cut his own cord.

Yeah, it's also Wednesday.

Anyway, um, I don't want you to hear from anyone else.

I'm giving the toast this year.

Oh, my God.

That's, like, the highlight of Mansfield's year.

Are you freaked out?