They Might Be Giants

No.

Bad news, I guess. Sign here, please.

What? Here.

Where it says, "received by".

My brother's lost his mind. The doctor says it's permanent.

I'm putting him away. The minute he's committed, I'll be rich.

I'm his executor. I'll handle all his money.

I'll start now. I'll get commitment papers signed.

That's easy. But a judgment from a court takes time.

I don't get paid if you don't sign.

Are you from them, or are you just a messenger?

Who are you, anyway? I'll find out for you, if you like.

It's of no consequence, old sport. Don't bother.

As you wish.

Doesn't anybody sign this?

I'll be glad to. Thank you.

Don't you have a handkerchief?

Not on my salary.

Thank you.

By the way, you suffer from lumbago.

You're hagridden by your wife, you keep a sheepdog for a pet,

and you had chicken soup for breakfast.

I just love it when you do that.

Yes, he's a messenger, all right.

Blackmail.

Just what I've been waiting for.

Never!

Not one penny!

- Really, Justin. - Don't be frightened. I'll protect you.

Here. Give them this.

If that's a message, I've gotta charge you for it, sir.

Give that dog of yours more, meat.

I think he's got pellagra.

Bless you, sir. Bless you.

Don't touch it. It's my clue.

I, shan't be up for lunch.

We're going to the clinic.

If you need me, I'll be downstairs in the laboratory. Wait!

The clinic? Not another specialist.

I'm always so afraid they'll make him well.

I like him this way.

Get him, will you, Daisy?

Something's wrong. I know it.

I can always tell when something's wrong.

You're in awful trouble, aren't you?

Just go get him.

You were such a nice man when I married you.

Do what I tell you to. I've had enough.

We're going straight to Dr. Strauss.

Land sakes alive.

There isn't any doubt, is there?

My goodness. No, indeedy. He's incurably psychotic.

That means he's committable?

And then some. Is there room here for him?

Always room for one more, Mr. Playfair.

Especially for kin of yours.

You see, there's a spider up there.

There.

He's got huge teeth, and he's coming at me!

Doctor. He's coming at me.

He's coming at me! Doctor. Mildred.

Now, is that what your dream was like?

- Mildred. Mildred. - Dr. Strauss, I am with a patient!

This here is Mr. Playfair, an important member of our board.

How do you do, Mr. Playfair? I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now.

It's about my brother. He's a hopeless paranoid.

Is that your medical opinion, sir?

It's the consensus of your staff.

He has a sizable estate he isn't fit to handle.

It's my duty to commit him, and,

I need your signature.

Without examining the patient?

That was never in my mind. He's upstairs waiting.

Well, I have another patient waiting.

Have them bring him down.

This gentleman is Mr. Small.

We're having some trouble getting him to verbalize.

Is that correct, Mr. Small?

He can speak, but he just won't.

Now, Mr. Small cannot afford to go to another doctor.

All my life I have worked with people who have no place else to go.

I'm sorry to seem unreasonable.

But if you want me, you'll have to wait for me.

I expect you better finish with him later, Mildred.

Dr. Strauss, you are a money raiser. Go and raise money!

I am a doctor. Leave me to my work!

Nurse, take him to the ward.

He stays with me.

Now, ma'am, you are flouting my authority.

It's all right.

Y'all take this poor unfortunate away, you hear?

Not in my office, you don't!

- That's an order! - No. Mr. Small!

Mr. Small!

No.

You fool! You've ruined weeks of work.

You ape! Get that thing off of him.

Release that man.

No one belongs in one of those.

If you please.

A classic paranoid. Fantastic.

I don't think I've ever done it better.

Well, now.

They'll think twice next time. Are you all right?

Who let this happen? Who's in charge here?

Mr. Small, I'm so sorry.

Can you forgive me?

Don't let her off so lightly.

Is she decent to you?

You like her?

She didn't do this to you, then?

Who did?

- You did. - I guess you're really Sherlock Holmes.

You don't at all. You think I'm mad. You analysts are all alike.

Thinks you're mad, too, I suppose?

Why? Because you won't talk? Typical.

Why is it analysts can't ever analyze?

Don't tell me you've deduced what's wrong with Mr. Small.

Not yet. I can do if you like.

Will you nod when I'm right?

Now, why should an obviously proper gentleman refuse to talk?

Because he hasn't been introduced.

We don't know who you are, but once we do know, then you'll talk.

Now, where is the logic?

Think. He can talk, but he won't.

The silence is the clue.

No coaching, please. I work by pure deduction.

Now, who was silent?

Who had everything but sound?

The mutes of history? No, they couldn't talk. He can.

A monk with vows of silence!

No, no. No sound, no sound.

Why, the early movies.

Why, the man's a silent film star.

Which one? The most unlikely one. It's only logical.

That means he's brave? A man of action.

Stern, aloof, yet passionate.

By God. Rudolph Valentino.

Sherlock Holmes.

An honor, sir.

I've read your books. I'm really quite a fan of yours.

I'll be damned.

Tell him how much you liked him in 'The Sheik' .

- This is ridiculous. - You didn't like me?

No, no. You were very good.

I wish we had you on the staff here.

You could use me. Well, I must be off.

My best to Vilma Bánky.

Couldn't we just sit down and talk? We could discuss your work.

I'm very sorry. I'm a terribly busy man.

I don't have time to be examined.

Are you working on a case? Better save your strength for Mr. Small.

Chances are he isn't really Valentino.

Well, I like that. No offense.

I have daily office hours. If you feel the need of a consultation,

please feel free to call for an appointment.

Yes.

Yes, no clues of any kind.

It all points to Moriarty.

If only all the tests are negative.

Damn.

Justin? Ten-to-one that moron doctor wants to see me.

Someone's here who wants to see you.

Holmes, why are you never wrong?

Really, Doctor, do you have to see him?

Absolutely. One good session with him. I insist.

May we come in?

Right this way.

Amazing. Classic paranoia. What an opportunity.

It's really sort of cozy.

Did he do all this himself?

I helped a little. He's not here.

He's probably hiding. Does he have a hiding place?

A secret panel. How'd you know?

They always do.

He'll come out when he's ready.

You say he used to be a lawyer?

And a judge. He was a brilliant man.

It's just marvelous.

We shopped at Abercrombie's.

You'll just have to forgive me,

but I haven't seen a classic since,

the spring of '59.

They're very rare, you know.

How long has he been Sherlock Holmes?

Since Lucy... Since his wife died. For about a year.

And how long does each attack go on?

All day, every day. He's never Justin anymore.

Do you remember when the symptoms first started?

That's hard to say. He was a great reformer.

Always out to make things better, Justin was.

He, lived on books.

Detective fiction mostly.

You don't think you can cure him, do you?

Cure a classic?

Once in a generation.

It's a marvelous disease, you know.

The victim's faculties grow keener,

and-and ultrasensitive.

And he's capable of things that seem like genius.