Doctor Who: The Infinite Quest

There she is. So small I could reach out and crush it!

Crush it! Crush it!

Quiet, Caw! This is my moment of destiny.

Moment of destiny! Moment of destiny!

Attention, armory. Prepare plasma cannons for firing.

Commence countdown.

I'm the king of the world!

King of the world! King of the world!

Now, forget your Bonapartes, Boadiceas, Blackbeards even.

-What? -This, Martha Jones, this is Baltazar.

Scourge of the galaxy, Corsair King of Triton, 40th century.

The greatest despot that ever, ever lived.

This is just, just fantastic!

It is kind of cool. The thing about Baltazar...

-Scourge of the galaxy! -The most amazing thing about him

is he forged this ship himself.

-He didn't! -By hand. Go on, tell her, Baltazar.

I tended her by hand over countless decades.

Burnished her into the greatest warship in history.

Not that long ago, blew all of Earth's defense force from the sky.

You really shouldn't have done that.

Shouldn't have done that!

Now I'm going to envelop Earth in a field of plasma fire.

Superheat the carbonites

-who crawl across it's surface. -Really?

Then all carbon-based life will be compressed, making...

-Diamonds! -Precisely. Yeah, well done.

Yes, every living being turned into diamonds.

And the plan starts in seconds.

Now, that is a plan. That is indeed a plan.

Is that not just the most incredible plan?

Incredible. But we're gonna stop him, yeah?

By giving him this.

-What? -I like to stir things up.

Oh, shouldn't have done that.

He shouldn't have broken your spoon because?

That wasn't just any old spoon.

That spoon passed through the hands of the greatest chefs.

Fanny, Delia, Madame Cholet. That spoon was an antique.

Forged by the inhabitants of a planet which specialized in ribicola.

-Fungus? -Yes, but not just any old fungus.

No, a special hydroxiding fungus.

There's no treatment for it.

which is why, Baltazar, scourge of the galaxy...

Your deck is rusting away! -What?

No!

That's not ordinary rust.

I pepped it up. Gave it a bit of zing, va-va-voom.

-Va-va-voom! Va-va-voom! -You can't leave him, not to the rust.

Oh, well...

Will Baltazar ever get caught?

I imagine so, his luck can't hold out forever.

So what'll happen, do you think?

The most likely prison-planet for him would be Volag-Noc.

That's where I'd take him. Coldest place in the galaxy.

-Brrr. Nasty. -Yup.

-Give me a number between zero and 99. -Forty-five.

-And another. -Seventy-two.

-Another. -Three. What is this, galactic lottery?

Destination setting. And you, Martha Jones, have randomly chosen to take us to

Copacabana Beach! Arriba!

I'll get you for this, Doctor!

I'll make you sorry you were ever born!

Yes! 670 million miles an hour, and a bit! Rock on!

-You're just a boy racer, aren't you? -Ha!

Whoa!

-What was that? Emergency stop? -Search me.

There's nothing in the manual.

Go on, then. We've stopped.

I've died and gone to Bill Oddie heaven.

Bill Oddie heaven! Bill Oddie heaven!

I know you. It's Caw, isn't it?

Welcome to Pheros, Miss Martha. It's Caw's home.

-How are you doing, Caw? -I likes you, Miss Martha.

Oh!

That's for saving Caw's life all them years ago.

Thank you, Caw. It's really lovely.

Got some news for you, Doctor, about Baltazar.

-Let him out of Volag-Noc. -Volag-Noc. I was right!

Yeah, great. Why'd they release him?

Say he's "reformed".

But Caw reckons he's as bad as ever he was.

He'll be coming for Caw. Caw sold him out for a bar of gold.

-Or three. -What do you need gold for?

-He eats it. -He won't rest, Doctor!

He seeks his heart's desire

-and knows how to find it. -He does?

The Infinite!

-Oh, that's just a legend. -What is?

Baltazar think different. Thinks he knows how to find it.

-Find what? -The Infinite.

Yeah, I got that. But what exactly is the Infinite?

Well, let's just say there are things out there in space, Martha,

things that pre-date our reality.

Relics from the Dark Times.

Oh, a fairy tale? Oh, far, far more than that.

There was a time when the universe was much smaller than it is now.

A darker, older time of chaos.

Creatures like the Racnoss, Nestenes

and the Great Vampires rampaged through the Void.

This Infinite is one of those relics from the Dark Time?

It's said that if anyone were to find the Infinite,

they'd receive their heart's desire.

Frankly, that's quite a thing to receive.

Yeah, but how's Baltazar going to find it?

That's how. -What's that?

It's a data chip. Part of a black box recorder.

Dark Time technology.

Baltazar gave it to me for safekeeping.

Should be four of them. You need to use each one to find the next.

Find all four, you find the Infinite.

-Are we going on a quest? -No. The Infinite stays lost.

Nothing more than a legend.

As Last Custodian to secrets of the universe,

it's my duty to see it stays that way.

He mustn't! Mustn't! He's got a copy!

I can't let Baltazar, corrupt and twisted as he is,

have access to that kind of power. Caw, you'd better be right about this.

Planet Bouken. Okay, here we go!

-The tracker's in place. -Thank you, Caw.

It's really lovely.

Then the Doctor's going to find me the Infinite.

Going to find me my heart's desire.

Heart's desire! Heart's desire!

And then I'll have my revenge!

Revenge! Revenge!

Ah, Martha, see those?

-Artificial suns. -Never!

Someone wanted the planet Bouken warmed up.

What are they?

-Oil rigs. -Oil rigs?

They still need oil in the future?

It ran out on Earth. The corporations went drilling elsewhere.

To look at them, you'd think they were alive.

You think? Run?

-What now? -I'm open to suggestions.

Why'd you do that?

Oh, Martha, you're brilliant!

Yeah, now you're just showing off.

Whoa!

-Hoist the colors, Mr. Mate! -Aye, aye, Captain!

Let OilCorp see that the Black Gold is in business!

Aye, aye, Captain!

Pirates?

I'm Swabb, first mate aboard the Black...

-Now then, Mr. Mate, put her in reverse. -Aye, aye, Captain!

You two might want to hold on tight.

-To the rail. -Aye, aye, Captain.

Take the strain, me hearties! Heave, lads!

-All right, Swabb. Maximum power! -Aye!

Well, that I didn't expect.

-Cut thrust, Mr. Mate. -Then pull the rig in?

And siphon it, Swabb.

-Hello there, Captain... -Captain Kaliko.

Hello. I'm the Doctor. Martha and I...

Why are they smashing up the rigs?

The last oil corporations are sucking the solar system dry to feed demand.

Petrol prices have gone through the roof,

and the colonies that can't afford to pay are dying.

Aye, and the oil companies call us pirates.

You're smashing the rigs, siphoning off the petrol.

Robbing the rich to fuel the poor? That's brilliant!

What do you think we should do with them?

-I don't know, Captain. -Can't hear you!

-A skeleton crew. -Literally.

Less of a drain on rations.

Now, what I reckon is, to land up in a place like this

you dogs are either OilCorp spies

or planning a spot of pirating yourselves.

Or, indeed, none of the above.

Either way, I don't want you on the Black Gold.

So ahoy there, me heartless hearties.

Throw these sand lovers overboard!

Hold hard there, lads!

Swabb, you swab, is this mutiny?

-Yes! -Never, Captain Kaliko, not mutiny.

-No. -I just wondered if they be OilCorp spies,

mayhaps we dispose of the bodies

by putting them inside one of the oil rigs? Ha ha!

Make it look like an accident.

You're not as empty-headed as you seems, Mr. Mate.

We'll use the one we just keelhauled.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Don't worry, Doctor, Martha, you're perfectly safe with me.

What's he up to?

I don't think our Mr. Swabb is all he's cracked up to be.

I wonder.

Said your prayers yet, Doctor?

Sorry, let me see if I've got this right.

We somehow get inside this rig that you've drained of oil,

and then what?

A quick blast from me mate Swabb's laser pistol, the remaining oil ignites.

OilCorp find us dead inside, boiled in oil.

-That's murder! -Accidents happen.

Now, me hearties, the plank.

-Careful with that! -Uh-uh, uh-uh, me first.

I thought Swabb would have made his move.

-What move? -He's no pirate. If he thinks we're with OilCorp,

-then my guess is... -That he is, too?

Fingers crossed. Ready!