Xena: Warrior Princess

Oh, yeah! Ohh!

Come here! Hah!

Oh, yeah!

Ooh!

Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, you can cut the party tricks.

You're looking for an heir-- a mortal to carry on your name.

Oh, I've considered it. Well, here I am--

my sword, my life,

my heart.

Honey, I hate to be the one to break this to you,

but one action-packed roll in the sack does not make you the heir to Ares' mantle.

No. You're not the one.

I don't blame you for not seeing it.

So, come on. Test me.

Mavican, you are way outta your league. You have no idea what my standards are.

So why don't you go back to that little gang of bandits you were leading,

and leave the world domination to professionals, okay?

I'm serious, Ares. I don't know what Xena had to say or do to get the job,

but I want it.

First, it is not a "job."

Second, Xena never asked me for anything. That's how I knew she was the one.

Now, I've got somethin' real important to deal with,

but I'll come back later.

Don't be here.

Whaa-aah!

- Xena, that guy was mine. - I can handle it.

Yeah, well, I can help you.

Xena! Stay back, Gabrielle!

I'm not a kid anymore. You think that she would know that.

Considering all you've been through.

Ares, whatever you're looking for, look somewhere else. Mm!

Do I always have to be after something?

You've been away a while. Maybe I missed you. Maybe I'm trying to help.

You only help yourself. Well, ultimately, that is true.

But it doesn't mean I don't understand.

Here, let me take a shot at this. Uh--

Xena has been overprotective of you. She's been treating you like you're still--

They were five bandits. Five of them.

She could have handled four, and I would've been happy with just one. But, no, no.

She had to take them all. It is hard to shed your perceptions of a person.

I'm tired of it. Hey.

- I notice you're gettin' pretty good with those. - At least someone noticed.

So Xena doesn't appreciate that I've been practicing. It's--

Yaah-haah!

Who are you?

The name is Mavican. I'm looking for Xena.

What do you want with her?

I wanna kill her,

and I understand that killing you is the best way to meet her.

In a time of ancient gods--

warlords and kings,

a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.

She was Xena,

a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.

The power.

The passion.

-The danger. -

Her courage will change the world.

- Xena, I had her. - Yeah, yeah.

That was incredible.

I have to say, Xena-- you are one person where the hype isn't enough.

You wanted so talk to me, so talk. Talk?

No, no, no. I wanted to kill you.

Still do, actually.

- Who are you? - I'm your successor.

I'm taking your place. Ares doesn't believe it yet,

but we're going to convince him.

Hey! Just stop it!

Stop it right now!

What in the name of... me....

did you think you were doing? Getting your attention.

By destroying Demeter's temple? No.

See, destroying temples in the name of other gods-- we just don't do it.

Who cares about her? I'll destroy a thousand of her temples if I have to.

I told you I was good. Tell him. Tell him how good I am, Xena.

Good enough to die young. What's this all about, Ares?

Oh, she's not my idea. She's just some hothead I picked up for a little, uh,

diversion.

Now she thinks she's my right-hand girl.

You know, Ares, your problem is that you don't see potential.

See, you're still hung up on what you had and lost-- Xena.

Well, I'm here to let you know...

there's better.

Well, now. Maybe she's right.

I've been considering your successor for some time.

You want to take her on? Okay.

Let's take this where you can't do any harm.

Right, listen up! The rules are simple!

You kill Xena, you win. I bring you back here.

Xena! It's a little more difficult.

You kill Mavican, you win. You stay right where ya are.

- That's not fair! - Oh? You're going too, Gabrielle!

Of course, if anyone wants my help, all she's gotta do is call.

Whoo-hoo!

Come on, Xena. Don't disappoint me.

Ares, we're not playing your little game.

I didn't ask if you wanted a choice.

Maybe she's got a point. Is there someone better than you?

Don't you think I've waited long enough to find out?

- Hold on! -

Gabrielle, I'm coming!

Let the game begin.

Yaah!

Xena?

Gabrielle?

Gabrielle?

Gabrielle?

Yah-hah!

No weapons, no Gabrielle. Just you and me.

Aah!

What's the matter, Xena? Can't get in that killing blow?

Oh, wait. Ares said you can't kill me!

Just too much on your mind to fight straight, huh?

And the sun's going down. What kind of a fighter are you in the dark?

You know what, sweetie? You talk too much.

- Xena? - I'm here, Gabrielle!

Wherever here is.

What are you doing?

- Watch it, Gabrielle. - Ee-yah!

Lookin' for Xena? See, Gabrielle, looking is your problem.

If you just stay still, she'll come to ya. That's what I'm counting on.

Mavican, Amazons invented the technique of fighting from trees.

The first thing they teach you is not to let your footprints end where you jump!

Uh-uh! Ares said that Xena couldn't kill you.

He didn't say anything about me, so don't do anything stupid.

- Watch it! - Yah!

I'm trying to decide-- Is live bait preferable to dead bait?

Especially when the bait wants to kill me?

No. If Xena sees you dead, she might do something sensible.

It's all right, Gabrielle.

As long as it's me that she wants, you're going to be okay.

You're gonna be okay.

Did you have a nice nap?

Uh! You know, it's strange.

I really thought Xena would have done something during the night...

under the cover of darkness.

At least, that's what I would have done.

So what's it like?

I mean,

being with Xena?

It's like a brush with eternity, isn't it?

What are you talking about? Oh, Gabrielle, please.

You're a part of making the legend true.

Those scrolls you write.

Yeah, I got ahold of one a while back. You know, you really should write more.

I'm gonna need someone to write me into history after I kill her.

I hate to tell you this, but history is fickle.

History will remember me, Gabrielle!

Why? Because you think you might kill someone?

You don't get it. Ares doesn't get it.

People will talk about me for ages--

the woman who stood toe-to-toe with Xena.

And win or lose, I'll be remembered.

You need help.

Oh, I wish it were that simple.

I'm not crazy, Gabrielle.

Haven't you ever been struck with the difference between us and the gods?

They're immortal because we make them that way.

Don't you think there was a moment...

when Xena just did it all for... destiny?

Destiny.

Sun's up.

Aah!

Oh, Ares!

You are too rich.

Oh, Ares, we're gonna make such a great team.

Hmm! This is too funny.

I mean, did Ares think he was evening the odds?

Ares put me and Gabrielle into one being.

You get the day shift. She gets the night watch.

Oh, come on, Xena. You've gotta admit. It's pretty funny.

He got her out of the way, so you wouldn't get distracted.

Of course, I kill you, I kill her. And I was just beginning to like her.

Oh, well. Listen, Mavican.

I know Ares. He's only concerned about one thing, and that's himself.

You mean, he was planning on using me?

That's strange, Xena, 'cause I thought I was using him.

Seemed like a great arrangement.

Mavican, I've been down this road before. I know what it's like to chase destiny.

You can't win.

If we can work together, we can defeat Ares. This is all about us fighting one another.

- If we don't, Ares loses. - No!

If we don't, I lose.

Xena, I'm on a path that I can't change.

I know it, and I accept it.

But if I don't walk this path, I'm nothing. Hah!

Uh!

- Aah! - Uhh!

It's no use, Xena!

I just have to wait for sundown... and Gabrielle.

- What do you want? -

I swear. Hey, Xena. I want your honest opinion, objectively.

I mean, she's better than I thought.

I don't get it, Ares. All this just to see your new girlfriend fight?

No. Watch my old girlfriend fight. I've missed it.

Where you been lately?

Oh, yeah. You fight all the time.

In fact, you did a pretty good number on Caesar and those Romans.

Pity, really. A lot of potential.