Ghosts - Fourth Season

HUMMING

WHISPERING

SILENCE

Hello?

EXCITED GIGGLING

Who's there?

WHISPERING

GASPING

Hi.

Hello...? Oh! He spoke to me! He knows I exist!

They're early! Alison, I can see their car!

What is he talking about?

Our first guests, down at the Gatehouse.

The Gatehouse?! So exciting. Oh!

Do you want to go, or shall I?

But who are they? Is there a vetting process?

Shall we go together?

Er, sure. Yeah. Or is that creepy?

Oh. Er... You go. You go.

Good luck. OK. All right. Won't be long.

What are their connections? What is their circumstance?

Or are you just inviting people in willy-nilly?

I quite agree, Fanny.

They're just coming for their holidays! Their what?

I mean, I can show you their booking if you really want.

I'm sure they're a lovely couple.

It's their anniversary.

Oh! Hello?

Dirty weekend? Don't even think about it.

What? They're the first ones to leave a review, OK?

It has to go well. Just leave them alone.

All right, all right, all right, fun police.

What is she thinking? Honestly!

The body had been remarkably preserved

over the centuries in the ice.

Using state-of-the-art 3D modelling,

researchers have been able to create this image

of what the iceman would have looked like.

And viewers can see the full story

in tonight's special, The Man In The Ice.

I know that guy! Huh?

...with me, Robin. Honestly! I swear on my life.

You're dead, mate!

I mean, it could be anyone. They all, y'know...

They what? Look the same?

I didn't say that. You do tell a lot of tall tales, truth be told.

Look, I met the guy.

When? Where?

Well, I don't know.

It was long time ago!

Hmm... I met him!

Ooh...!

It is exciting meeting someone off the telly, though, isn't it?

You know, someone famous?

I actually met Bobby Davro in the changing rooms

of the Thimbleby Leisure Centre.

I lent him my talc.

Mm. I met Field Marshal Harold Alexander.

Bally hero. Anyone else?

Byron. Was a tosspot.

I suppose if I'd lived a little longer,

I might have met someone interesting.

I met the Elephant Man. THEY GASP

Elephant Man?

What? You met John Merrick? What was he like?

Rather boring. Couldn't see the fuss.

Hmm, let me see...

How about... the Queen?!

Ooh! Very good.

Beat that.

Henry VIII.

ALL EXCLAIM

Even better. Touche.

I think Humphrey takes it.

How did it go? Did you show them round? Yeah.

Did they like the bottle of wine?

I don't know. They didn't drink it in front of me.

Well, how did they seem? They seemed...

...all right. Yeah. They didn't really say much, to be honest.

Oh. Probably waiting for you to get out

so they could get it on!

Do you think they were disappointed?

Maybe the photos make it look too good.

Or maybe they just had a long journey. So they were tired.

I don't know! Well, did they ask for anything else?

Just extra pillows. Great. Cool. Yeah.

Well, we can do that. I'll just go to the basement and get some covers.

OK. Alison?

I'll come, too. Oh! Erm...

Extra pillows?! Who do these people think they are,

the Princess and the Pea?!

What? I knew you'd regret this, Alison.

You've got a couple of perfect strangers

in the servants' quarters while you, the lady of the house,

running around after them like the maid.

The world's gone absolutely topsy-turvy.

They're on holiday, that's all. And they're paying us.

Exactly. You're the staff.

Oh...

Ah! I'd love a little holiday, me.

What be "holly day"?

You mean you've never been on holiday, Mary?

Don't think so.

Oh, Mary! Where do I start?

Can I come with you to see the guests?

Erm, it's a bit... I kind of want to be able to concentrate.

Come on, then, tell us. What did he say?

He said hello to me. Well, he said hello to both of us.

Well, he was looking at me. Was he? Yeah. I don't know he was.

Does he look as good in real life?

All right. He looked better, if anything.

He's so elegant, the way he moves, in't he?

Really, like, demure, like a... flamingo or something.

Yeah. Ooh!

Are you talking about Thomas? Yeah.

I just wish I could get to know him. I reckon he'd be really

sensitive and attentive.

Yeah, careful what you wish for!

I mean, I know him. He's one of my best friends.

I could definitely introduce you to him, if you like.

What?!

That is such a good idea, Kitty. He would love that.

Are you serious? Really? My Lord!

In real, real life? I can't believe that.

WOMAN CRIES Are you all right?

What happened to yous?

Just excited. Yeah. Yeah!

ROBIN GRUNTS

I just remember his name! The guy from the television.

What was it?

Hat.

Sorry, "Hat"?

Hat.

Like... a hat?

Yeah, but this was before hats.

Well, they're not going to find out his name

by studying his bones, are they?

This doesn't prove a thing, Robin.

His name was Hat!

Oh! I remember now, we make a trade.

He give me furs and I give him special tool.

CHUCKLES

It was a stone tied to a stick! He's so naive.

You can say what you like, Robin, but it's hardly evidence, is it?

Hmm? Ach!

EXCITED WHISPERING

Ooh! Alison! Bogeys at six o'clock.

Oh, they're with me. Hiya, Thomas.

Hi. How are you doing today? All right?

Er, yes, thank you.

So, these guys are really, really big fans of yours,

and if it's not too much trouble, they'd like to meet you.

Really?

I was... meant to start working on a new...

...but... but it's fine, it can wait. Bring them forward.

Come forward.

Yes, that's it.

Hi. Hello.

Can I just say, I think you're amazing.

We think you're amazing.

Really amazing. Thank you.

Can I ask you a question?

Er, yes, quickly. Be quick.

What's your favourite, erm...

...animal? That's a good one.

Probably a wild tiger.

Yes! I told you!

I told YOU that! Yes? You?

Er, wh-wh-what's your favourite colour?

Burgundy, big time.

No way!

Alison? Yeah?

What the bally heck is going on?

Ah. They took a bit of a shine to my painting of Thomas

in the basement. Right.

And now he's some sort of demi-god?

They love him. What's wrong with that?

It's absurd! I mean, look at him.

Alison, could we have a picture with Thomas, please?

Er, yeah, all right. OK.

Very well.

Can you do that?

OK...

In-between you both? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Er, did you mean a painting?

Oh, yeah. Doesn't have to be a big one. Yeah just a little one.

No! What's the matter with her?

Cow. She's not doing the painting?

For goodness' sake! Don't ask, don't get.

Yeah, exactly.

She's not doing them today, guys. She's not doing paintings.

What about tomorrow? You'd have to ask about tomorrow.

I will.

MAN GRUNTS RHYTHMICALLY

Oh-ho-ho! Didn't take long!

Wha'?

GRUNTING CONTINUES

Ah!

GRUNTS Oh!