Johnny English Reborn

Johnny English.

Five years ago, he was our top agent.

Yeah. Took his eye off the ball in Mozambique.

Does it have to be him?

He's the only one our contact will talk to.

So where is he?

You came here to forget your life of shame.

But the path you must tread to new life will be not be easy, English.

Our purpose here is simple. To strengthen what is weak.

Make hard what is soft.

This will take time.

Mind must be master of the body.

Strong mind can separate the body from its suffering.

Good concentration, English.

Sorry? (EXCLAIMS) Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!

You are not young.

But with age comes wisdom.

When mind is master of the body,

you will be warrior once more.

Master, what is my destiny?

I'm in touch with a higher power.

MI7 wants you on the first flight back to London

Master, am I ready?

No.

Window seat or aisle?

One moment, please. Good morning, sir.

Toshiba British Intelligence.

For electronic products press one. To speak to an agent, press two.

Certainly, sir. Can I redirect you to our website?

Toshiba British Intelligence.

Good morning, sir. Can I help you?

Johnny English.

Pegasus is expecting you.

Look into the camera.

Don't smile.

Pamela Thornton, Head of Ml?

Johnny English.

Have a seat.

You've been away for some time, English.

But you haven't been forgotten.

Come on. - (YOWLS)

People here often talk about your adventures in Mozambique.

Well, Ml? has come a long way since then

The guns, the fast cars, and the chauvinism are all on their way out.

Frankly, I didn't want to see you back.

You are everything I came into this service to change.

- But my hands are tied. - (CAT MEOWS)

And there are times when one has to go against one's better judgement.

We have a situation.

Indeed.

There's a good puss. There's a good puss.

There's a good pussy. Who's a good pussy?

- I'm impressed. - Who's a good pussy?

Philby never lets strangers pick him up.

I'm very much at one with the animal kingdom.

There's a good puss. I know, I know. Who's lovely? Who's lovely?

Who...

We're all lovely.

Kate Sumner, our behavioural psychologist.

I've heard a great deal about you.

Glowing reports, I trust.

Tell me, Ms Sumner,

what exactly does a behavioural psychologist do?

Monitor observable behaviour for signs of internal psychology.

We read people.

Well, we must get together sometime. I think you'll find me a real page-turner.

Ah.

So, Pegasus, this situation.

Ex-CIA agent Titus Fisher has contacted us from Hong Kong.

He has intelligence of a plot to assassinate the Chinese Premier

at the Anglo-Chinese talks next week.

We need you to go and find out what he's got.

Well, in that case, Pegasus, count me in.

Agent One will meet you downstairs.

So, I just scaled the walls, blew the whole place to kingdom come.

An hour later I'm sitting in the bar with a White Russian in my hand.

Who was very lovely, too, I can tell you.

Simon.

Hello, Johnny!

Simon,

you look wonderful. But, then, you always did.

Welcome back. How long has it been?

I don't know. Five years, three months and six days, or something.

Of course, Mozambique.

That was a balls-up with a cherry on top.

Come on, let's get you sorted.

Welcome to the toy cupboard.

I won't leave you my number.

You know Patch.

Patch Quartermain, the man himself.

English.

Please, don't get up.

No chance of that.

Lost them testing the B-6 exploding brogues.

Oh, I'm so sorry. How are you?

Have to be this one, I'm afraid.

Lost this to the D-10 doorbell. (CHUCKLES)

Ah. Well, it's great to see what's left of you

This is rather good fun, actually. Top speed of 60 mph,

and I've managed to add the odd thing.

This way. I haven't got all day.

Don't!

Would you stop meddling, English?

Here she is.

Ah, the Rolls-Royce Phantom.

Truly the Rolls-Royce of automobiles.

Armour plating, all the bells and whistles. Say "Bonnet."

- Bonnet. Command accepted.

Voice activation recognises only you.

Rolls has fitted one of their experimental engines.

The nine-litre V16. Goes like the wind.

Only quieter.

Beautiful.

Keep up!

Here's what you'll be taking to Hong Kong.

- Ah, yes. - A satellite receiver,

tracking device, Semtex chewing gum.

Now, what did I just say?

That's the new P-two digital dart gun.

Gentlemen. May I remind you all that MI7's current weapon of choice is dialogue?

We do love it when you get strict, Pegasus.

English, you go to Hong Kong tonight.

Fisher will contact you there.

To ensure protocol is observed,

I'm sending someone with you.

Agent Tucker.

It will be an honour, sir.

Well, it'll be good to have somebody to carry the bags.

You made a laughing stock out of this service once, English.

Not on my watch. Clear'?

Crystal clear, Pegasus.

Just like old times, eh, Johnny?

I'm off to Switzerland. Let's catch up when you get back.

There's nothing I'd like more, Simon.

Has anyone seen the voice-changing travel lozenges?

Um...

No. No.

Come on, Tucker.

I'm not 21 till September, sir. I'm not really allowed in.

Tucker, you're an agent working for Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Just act the part.

Ten thousand dollars' worth, please, my lovely.

Thank you.

And a receipt, please.

Be alert for contact, Tucker.

We're looking for a Chinese man in spectacles.

Would you like another drink, sir?

Sir, the Chinese man in spectacles.

- One more beer. - No more bets, please.

Contact.

Evening.

Your grandmother is sick.

What?

Your grandmother is sick.

Well, she's dead. That's how sick she is.

Is he dead, sir?

- Yes. - (WOMEN SCREAMING)

- Hi, Mum. What's the matter?

No, no, no, no. Nothing's the matter, no.

I felt a bit funny last night, but I'm okay now.

So, what have you got for us?

The people behind the plot to kill Xiang Ping, the Chinese Premier. A group called Vortex.

Never heard of them.

Paid assassins. The best there is.

Come on, Fisher, I need names, I need evidence!

Vortex has a secret weapon.

This is one of three keys that,

when used together, gain access to it.

Without this, Vortex is finished

How did you get hold of it?

It's mine.

I beg your pardon?

Vortex is three of us.

Come off it, Fisher

You, a hired assassin? You couldn't hit a barn door with a banana

And as for Vortex,

clearly you got the name off a box of washing powder.

Vortex was in Mozambique.

What?

Yeah? Really?

Mum? Mum, Mum, I gotta go. Gotta go.

We were all there that day, Johnny-boy.

- Excuse me. Sir! - What?

Sir, there's a...

Quick, come on! Come on!

Madam, let me help you with that.

Here. Yes, I think you should vacate the area.

There are some very dangerous people about.