Moon Knight

Morning, Gus, my little one-finned wonder.

Hello, Mom. It's me. Just checkin' in.

I got your postcard, putting it up on Gus' tank now.

Yeah, it's very nice. He is fuming, though.

Keeps asking why I don't take him anywhere nice.

Maybe one day, right?

He'd love to get out there, but it's a bit hard with one fin, innit?

Anyway, Mom, all's well here. Not too bad.

Still wake up every morning still feeling like I got hit by a bus.

And if you...

Hey, mate, still selling the old brushes and brooms, right?

Right in front of my entrance. It's... Got no problem with it. Cheers.

Anyway, sorry I missed you, Mom.

I'll try you again tomorrow. Laters, gators.

Oh, bloody hell. Wait!

Bollocks.

Cheers.

Hmm.

Will you look at that?

Looks like someone mistook

the Great Pyramid of Giza for a rubbish dump.

It's not like there's anything in there.

Yeah. Maybe not.

But in there

is something wicked.

Check it out. They'd take this big metal hook, right?

And they go up the old nozzle and...

All the organs would come out. Except for the heart.

How come?

Because they believed you needed your heart

to be judged in the Underworld

and only the worthiest would be allowed to pass through the Field of Reeds.

And did it suck for you? Getting rejected from the Field of Reeds?

That doesn't make sense 'cause I'm not dead, am I?

- Stevie. - Am I...

- That better not be you again. - Sorry, Donna. Yeah, sorry. Got it.

There we go.

Don't know how many times I have to tell you this.

You're not the bloody tour guide, Stevie.

Steven, actually. I am... Steven.

No, you're bloody useless

unless you're actually doing what you're paid to do,

which is to sell these to children.

Got it.

Hello.

- Hello. - How's the sugar trade going?

I don't know what this has to do with Egypt really.

They didn't have that back then, did they? No.

They liked figs and dates, and...

My next tour's here but just checking, we still on for 7:00 tomorrow?

- "7:00 tomorrow"? - "Best steak in town"?

- Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. - Yeah? Okay.

Sorry. But...

- What? - Are you asking me out?

You're funny. I'll see you then.

Stevie, you absolute rascal. I didn't know you had taken a crack.

I didn't know either.

Hang on, did she say steak?

What in the world's a bloody vegan gonna eat in a steak house?

I don't know, Donna. Salad? Bread?

Yeah, I can see why she went for it. Real catch you are.

- Bring those hippos up here, will you? - Yeah, sure.

Taweret. The hippo, Goddess Taweret. Oh, Donna, that reminds me.

When I was coming in this morning, I saw the banners outside.

And that's what made you late for work again, was it?

No. Sorry about that.

- The bus came early... - Third time this week

- you've shuffled in like a lazy sod. - I know.

That's why you'll be on inventory this week. Well done.

All right. Aye, aye, Captain.

But no. I wanted to tell you that

the banners and the posters of the Ennead...

- The what? - The Ennead?

You know, like, the super group of Egyptian gods?

- You got Horus, Osiris, Tefnut... - Stop, please.

If this is some weird audition to tour guide here, the answer's still no.

No. What I'm trying... That's actually crushing to hear.

But what I'm trying to point out...

I'm not trying to slag off marketing, but there's been a major blunder

because they've got seven gods here, and the Ennead has nine.

I fired two of them for bein' late.

Listen, if you don't stop natterin' at me, I swear I'll shove you in a sarcophagus.

You can tell the pharaoh in there what's wrong with them and all.

- Go on. - All right.

- Go. Now. Oh, leave it. - Yeah. I'm sorry.

Just leave it. Get out. Go away from me.

All right, always lovely to chat.

- Hey. Good night, J.B. - Good night, Scotty.

- See ya, mate. - Scotty?

It's Steven. With a "V".

Huh.

See you tomorrow.

Honestly, it's like my body wants to get up

and wander about, you know, like it has to get the 10,000 steps in.

You know? And I don't even know about it until I wake up wherever.

That's why I try to stay awake at night. What do you think?

Nah. You're right. I mean, I guess

there are stranger things that people do, but...

No? Well, I think it's a bit... I'm sorry.

Extra pralines for the man himself.

So, the girl I was telling you about, the one from work.

- We're going on a date tomorrow. - Excuse me.

- Can you take our picture with him? - Sure.

- Thank you. - We're going on a date.

I didn't even ask her. I don't know how it happened.

One. Two. Three.

- There you are. Cheers. - Thank you.

- Don't forget the tip. - Oh, yes.

- Cheers. - Thank you.

Anyway, if I am gonna have a girlfriend, at some point,

obviously can't have ankle restraints on my bed, can I?

That's like the definition of a red flag, isn't it?

You know what I mean, yeah? Yeah, you know what I mean.

Gotta figure something out.

All right, I better jog on.

Nice catching up.

I will see you on the flip-flop.

All right, laters.

Hello! And welcome to Staying Awake.

Let's start with trying to solve a puzzle.

Solving puzzles is a great way to keep your mind awake.

Bored with puzzles? Try a book.

Reading can keep your mind alert and focused.

Imagine being in the story you're reading.

Is there an exciting chapter you'd like to be a part of?

Just remember, you'll need about five hours to keep your natural self.

Hello! And welcome to Staying Awake.

Let's start with trying to solve a puzzle.

Solving puzzles is a great way to keep your mind awake.

Bored with puzzles?

Try a book.

Hello! Reading... Is there a chapter you'd like to be a part of?

Oh, my God.

Ah!

Oh, that was weird. What happened?

What... What was that?

- Go back to sleep, worm. - Hello?

- You're not supposed to be here. - Yep. I completely agree.

- Where are you? - Surrender the body to Marc.

Sorry, what? "The body"? What...

- "Surrender the body"? What body? - Oh, the idiot's in control.

Hello.

Hi...

What are you doing?

No, no, no!

Don't just stand there. Run!

No, no, no! No! Please!

He's heading for the village.

What a beautiful day.

It's like we're in Heaven. Only it's not Heaven, is it?

It's a darkness. Sometimes it hides in our very hearts.

We are here to make the Earth as much like Heaven as possible.

Who'd like to go first?

You're a brave man. Offering your soul for judgment.

Wanting to serve our goddess even before she wakes.

I judge you in Ammit's name with but a fraction of her power.

This is the face of a good man.

Thank you.

Who would like to go next?

Please, Harrow. I must know.

Call me Arthur. Come.

Will you accept your scales, regardless of the outcome?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I've been good my entire life.

I believe you.

But the scales see everything. Perhaps it's something that lies ahead.

Well... I wish you could live to see the world we make.

Yet, Ammit has decided.

I'm sorry. There was a problem with the exchange.

We got ambushed. Someone killed two of our men.

Is he still here?

We think so, yes.

- Oh, bollocks. - You...

I know you.

Me? Hi, uh...

Mercenary.

"Mercenary"? No, no. I'm not a mercenary.

No, I'm a gift shop-ist.

I work at a gift shop. My name's Steven Grant.

Uh...

I'm trying to get back home. Back to London.

London? Don't know why I'm saying it like that.

- Well, Steven Grant of the gift shop. - Yeah?

- Will you return the scarab? - The... The what? Oh, all right.

Yeah, the... Oh, you mean...

- You will give him nothing. - Here.

I strongly encourage you to return that.

I'm not... I'm...

I'm try...

Come on, now. It's like my fingers froze.

But here's some of that... I don't know, maybe it's the high altitude or something.

Ah!

There, take it. So strange. Sorry, but...

- I will not ask again. - I didn't do that on purpose.

I don't know what's happening.

There we go. Just take it, take it, take it, take it.

- Oh, God! Now I'm trying to stop my legs. - Take him!

I can't... I'm trying to stop my legs from moving. I'm trying to give it to you.

- Wait, wait, wait! - It's all right.