The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (斉木楠雄のΨ難)

When you have supernatural powers,

the impossible becomes possible.

Whoa! Look at this little guy!

So cute. I'm a huge dog lover.

But I'm way more into girls, heh.

No! Pochimi, come back!

-- Pochimi! --

That was weird. So, you wanna go out sometime?

Ew, are you trying to pick me up?

My name is Kusuo Saiki.

And I have psychic super-powers.

Sixteen years ago, an ordinary couple gave birth

to a not-so-ordinary baby boy.

So cute. Almost as cute as Mommy!

So cute. Almost as cute as Daddy!

Oh, you.

Wow. So I guess I'm still only second place.

I started talking when I was 14 days old.

Without using my voice.

Soon afterward...

I started walking when I was one month old... in the air.

And at one year old...

We're out? I can't cook without rice wine!

Kusuo?

...I ran my first errands.

Oh, Kuu.

And my mom finally started to worry about me.

Now, you'd think after a year of this weirdness,

they'd take me to get tested.

But my folks are kinda weird themselves.

I'm pretty sure he stole the rice wine.

Well, I'll go pay 'em back tomorrow, if there's time.

Not to mention lazy.

Our little psychic boy did pay, after all!

I don't know how he paid...

They can still act like lovebirds.

And they take everything in stride.

Including me, and all my weird powers.

Such a talented artist!

So time rolled on.

I became the person you see now,

a high school student.

As you saw with the floating car,

I still have my super powers.

I can bend spoons, like any good psychic.

And I can win any corporate give-away I want.

My life is a dream come true.

That is what you're thinking, right?

Well, let me drop some truth bombs.

Bending spoons makes it harder to eat,

and winning free popsicles just leads to stomach aches.

"He's the happiest boy alive!

That boy can have anything and do anything."

Well, that's dead wrong.

I'm the unhappiest boy alive, a boy who has nothing.

Telepathy, Psychokinesis, X-Ray Vision,

Precognition, Teleportation, Clairvoyance, etc. etc.

Sure, I can do all those things.

But having powers like that also means

having something taken away.

Sort of like how because we feed our pets,

they've lost the ability to hunt.

Or when a mother spoils her child,

he loses the ability to become a functional adult.

In this way, there are some

key experiences I've missed out on.

Hard work culminating in a sense of achievement.

The thrill of being thrown a surprise party.

They're both totally foreign to me.

Sure, I never get angry or sad about anything,

but that just means

there's no joy or thrill in my life, either.

Maybe I should focus on the bright side, though.

No drama means things are always peaceful for me.

--And that's not so bad. -- Where is he?

Hmm?

Huh? Kusuo! Welcome home, my son!

You're running kinda late today, huh?

Why's Dad sitting in front of the house?

I'll get right to the point, Kusuo.

I'm locked outta the house.

Can you open it up for your ol' pop?

Are you kidding? Again?

Whoa! I love those psychic powers of yours!

They're just so sneaky! Yeah.

Don't call them sneaky.

Kusuo. With those kind of powers,

think of all the things you could do.

Keep your dark thoughts to yourself, Dad.

Kuu, is that you?! You're back?

Ah! We'll talk more later!

I guess there is one thing in my life

that's decidedly un-peaceful.

I can't believe you changed the locks on me again!

That would be my parents' current relationship.

I hope you're hungry, Kuu-Kuu.

I'm making you breaded pork chops for din-din!

Hang on, and now you're choosing to ignore me?

Besides I told you I wanted to have steak tonight!

I'm sorry, I forgot.

But I can boil you a leather shoe.

I don't want a shoe, leather or not!

I wonder when it went wrong for them?

They used to be so passionate.

I love you like a fish loves water.

Oh, you.

My hate for you's become

as wide and deep as the Pacific Ocean!

I hate you like a fish hates air!

You suck.

Well they're still passionate now,

but it's a little different.

Gorge yourselves, guys!

I made a ton!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Is it good, Kuu?

Oh, honey, would you like something else?

No, because I bet it's just the other shoe!

Bon appetit!

That's not even from the same pair!

They've been going at each other for a year.

Hey. Kusuo.

Use your powers to turn this old shoe into a steak for Daddy.

So in case you forgot,

this pathetic dude's my dad, Kuniharu Saiki.

He's lazy and irresponsible

and asks for help with everything in his life.

But, surprise-surprise,

the more I help, the more useless he gets.

So, lately, I've stopped doing him any favors.

What? How dare you take your mother's side in this!

Do you have any idea how many shoes

I have to lick each day to buy that food you're eating now?

Nothing better than Italian. Loafers that is!

So, you do like to eat shoes?

All right! I'll eat it!

It stinks! What did you do to this shoe?

Are you trying to poison your father?

I'm pretty sure that's how they always smell, dummy.

Hey, Kuu.

Now, just remember what I've always said.

Please don't use your powers for evil.

This is my mom, Kurumi Saiki.

You must only use your powers to help those in need.

Or those people who you are certain are genuinely nice.

She's a big reason why

I haven't let my gifts turn me to the dark side.

She's a caring soul, well, to me.

But feel free to use your powers to hurt your daddy.

She kinda has a dark side herself.

Stop eating Kusuo's dinner, you thieving son-of-a-bitch!

That's it.

--We're taking this outside! -- No way.

In truth, I could break up this fight

whenever I feel like it, ut this is something

they're going to have to work out themselves.

Hmm? Coffee-flavored jelly? Hm. Doesn't taste bad.

Earthy, with a slightly citrus-note finish.

Don't let the name fool you, folks.

This jelly is a mature, dignified treat.

Better still, when you add just a splash of whole milk,

it becomes an entirely new flavor sensation.

And that hint of decadence

is everything I ask for in my dessert.

You wanted to eat jelly that bad?

Forget the jelly, we got bigger problems!

Your mother's turned into a monster!

Stop running from me, you coward!

You gotta help me, son!

You're my only hope to stop her reign of terror!

Do it! Slay the demon!

You're not leaving till I say so!

Oh God! Ah!

Huh? What?

Hey! Kusuo?

I've got the weirdest parents. I really don't care

about stopping another pointless fight, but I can't help myself.

So now you're on your dad's side?

But I even made you pork chops!

Why do I say it's pointless? Just wait.

I want nothing to do with either of you again!

That's a lie. Truth is: I love them.

No matter how hard they try,

the voices in their hearts always bubble up.

In other words, all these fights they have are a sham.

All right, well, I hate you both, too.

So there! Yeah! I said it!

Just kidding!

You know, I love you guys! I wanna snuggle!

Oh, honey...

Like I said: Another pointless fight.

There is one person here who has real reason to be upset: Me!

Those weirdos interrupted my dessert!

I guess only a psychic can fix this.

-- Love you! -- Love you!

Wait. Did you just say you love me?

Is it really possible she loves me back?

What? No, it's you who said it.

Oh, no.

I thought I just thought that, but did I say it?