Brooklyn 45

It should go without saying that Santa Claus

has given these United States the best present possible

this Christmas, our first holiday season

with Hitler in the cold, cold ground,

and our fighting men back at home with their loved ones.

And what does Baby New Year have in store for 1946?

Prosperity, and hope for a brighter future!

Just let me help you babe. - Oh, come on.

I got it, Bob, don't worry.

I know you got it, but what kind of fella would I be

if I didn't at least offer a hand?

Well, you'd be like every other man on Earth.

You're adorable, that's why I married you.

Heyo, lovebirds.

I thought you said we weren't gonna be seeing him anymore.

No, you said we wouldn't see him.

He's one of my best friends.

He's also a war criminal.

He didn't do it.

Marla the Merciless!

As I live and breathe.

How the hell are you?

Oh, how the hell are you?

Ever vigilant, and the husband?

It's Bob.

I know your name, Bobbo.

Just giving you the business. How you doing?

Just fine, it's just Bob.

You gotta tell me about that Kraut you cracked in Hamburg.

I read your interview in Yank,

but I've been waiting to get the details

straight from the horse's mouth.

You calling me a horse?

No class, that fella.

Look at my gal here! Tortured more secrets outta Krauts

than any woman in US history.

Uh, interrogation is not torture.

Whatever helps you sleep at night, Bobbo.

It's just Bob. I didn't think we'd see you here tonight.

Well thank heaven for small miracles, eh?

- You only brought one bottle? - Paulie's gonna love it.

Speaking of no class fellas, is he here yet?

What do you think?

DiFranco, get your ass out here.

Oh, fuck you! I'm pouring a drink.

He's been here since 2:00 PM.

Well, of course he has.

And we had a little business to attend to.

Of course you did.

Paulie.

Paul.

See? Now I told Hock you'd be late.

Darling, he said 7:00! We're here right on time.

Oh? Oh yeah, I guess my watch is a little fast.

Yeah, like five hours fast!

I heard you've been here all day, eager beaver.

- How you been, Bob? - Good Clive, thanks.

Life's been treating us very well.

Hm.

She really happy at the Pentagon?

She loves it. She's got her own office... secretary.

- Office? - Hm.

She doesn't belong in an office.

You know, back in '43, I saw her bend a Kraut finger

so far back, the fingernail dug into the back of his hand.

That boy would not stop puking.

Still, he told us what we needed to hear.

Well, she's loving DC.

Ah, well you were born there, Bob.

- Mm-mm. - You had no choice.

But I'll never understand how the hell

America's finest interrogator gave it all up

to move into that swamp.

Well...

I think it worked out in her favor.

She's been to five continents, speaks six languages.

She's the sharpest mind in the military.

Don't I know it.

And I bet she never lets you forget.

Mm, so good to see you.

Thank you for coming so early.

You know when I got here, he was already two bottles in.

No.

He won't stop talking about Susan.

Hm.

I think maybe the holidays alone really broke him.

Yeah.

And he's been trying to tell me something all day,

but he can't seem to get the nerve up to tell me what...

what is, um... He's a mess.

- Major. - Major.

You're a good-looking son of a bitch.

Oh, thank you. Ooh! Ooh!

How you holding up?

Meeting with the committee again next week.

We've done all we can.

Looks like it'll go to trial.

First one of the war.

Press is having a goddam field day with it.

Thousand pinkos and Nazis on the lam,

but the Times sells more papers if the headlines read:

"Corn-Fed Nebraska Major Turns War Criminal."

My ma's having a hard time with it, you know?

Don't worry Archie, Hock and I,

we're gonna take care of you.

Your mom can bet the farm on that.

She might have to.

And you'll be fine Archie. Come spring,

The New York Times will be printing the biggest,

fattest apology in the history of journalism.

Hell yes they will, my pet! Absolutely.

Come here.

God damn, it's good to see you guys.

When was the last time you all got together?

Oh, the last time we were all together?

- Hm. - Thanks.

Well shit, must have been your wedding.

Yep.

God damn, I think you're right, DiFranco.

We all needed to see that with our own eyes.

"Marla the Merciless Weds Pentagon Clerk."

Now there's a proper headline for the Times!

Excuse me Arch, but when your base is bombed

and not a single God damn officer helps dig you out,

your opinions on men change awfully quick.

I mean, I got crushed.

I was calling out for help,

and all I could hear from my bleeding ears

were those feckless cowards just running away.

I got more respect for the Krauts

than the men at the base that day.

Fuck the Krauts.

Oh yeah, of course fuck the Krauts, Hock.

But while we're at it, can't we just fuck

the whole goddam war, hmm?

The war's over.

And this is why I love you, , mm.

- Fuck 'em all. - Fuck 'em all.

See now, that's the faggots' credo, right Archie?

It was for a couple of years.

Then we had a meeting of the Nancies and we changed it to,

"Keep calling us faggots

and we'll feed you your goddam teeth!"

Um, guys please, could we-

I almost kept a straight face.

Bullshit. You can't keep a straight anything.

Here, I'm tired of tending bar.

Freshen my drink, you fruit.

I ever tell you about the time I was stuck

out on the Elsenborn Ridge, and the only way

I could keep my lap warm was by spooning Orville Ketcham,

- that Tommy from London? - Vaguely.

Say what you want about the Tommies,

but they've got some warm rumps.

Okay.

Hard to believe that was a year ago.

I, I wanna thank you all for being here.

It's been a hard start to the winter without Susie.

- To Susan. - Hear, hear.

- To Susan. - To Susie.

Ah, Susie.

Well, it helps having you here.

I never thought I'd spend a Christmas without her.

None of us did, Hock.

It's been six weeks now since she... checked out.

I've been doing a lot of reading, you know,

to pass the time and keep the wits about me.

Started with psychology, you know,

thinking I could figure out why she did what she did.

But then I switched to metaphysics.

You ever heard that word? I hadn't.

Yeah, it's ghosts and hokum. Weird nonsense.

You know, just to keep hopeful.

- Hopeful? - Yeah.

Stories of, o-of fellas that can talk to the dead:

mediums... clairvoyants... spirit guides.

Grifters. During the Great War, my no-good uncle

charged folks a buffalo nickel

to give them messages from their dead kids.

They just wanna feel like something else is out there.

They're scared.

It's all hooey.

Ah well you know, but outta every hundred cases

that they debunk, all that hooey, one or two check out.

I mean, they got a whole society

that keeps tabs on it in the UK.

Come on Hock. Now I've known you

since we were eight years old.

You used to laugh at people who bought into this malarkey.

Well, I'm not saying that I believe it.

But listen... you're all here tonight and that's...

that's very special.

And I'm just wondering if you would humor me.

Now, you probably all think it's a load of bunk.

But, uh... this séance thing,

there's a lot of corroborating evidence.

Hock, I...

Colonel, I know it's been rough since Thanksgiving,

but this is not the answer.

So this, this is just... it's silly.