Amazing Stories

Ripped By Bornholm

Gosh. You scared me.

Ohhh.

Operator, get me the police. I saw the killer.

I saw the strangler, damn it!

Yes! I'm telling the truth!

I'm in an alley just off the strip near olive.

Yes, i saw the strangler! Hurry!

Hurr-

How's the amazing falsworth tonight?

Not so great. Barbara left him last night.

Geez. What's that, wife number three?

Four.

L.a. Is teeming with ex-mrs. Falsworths. It's that power of his.

Come on. Don't hand me that bull. I know how he does that stuff.

I got this cousin, see, and he and his friend have this thing worked out...

where they use color patterns and stuff.

Yeah. Pretty convincing too. It's not a trick, jimmy.

Falsworth's for real. So is santy claus.

The one, the only, the amazing falsworth.

Thank you. Thank you, and welcome to the club.

Uh, tonight, i'm not gonna bore you with any of my cheap card tricks...

or- or pigeons up my sleeves.

No, tonight, i'm gonna go down among you...

and try to learn something about my audience- if you don't mind.

What i'd like to do is touch you or some object that you own...

and, uh, i can tell you things about your life.

I assure you this blindfold may not be seen through,

so some of you young ladies may wanna guide my hands carefully.

Remember, it's all in the hands. It really is.

Let's see which one will be first.

Let's see here. Oh.

Well. Well, well, well, well, well.

I'd like to congratulate this young couple on their coming blessed event.

Oh. You're four months along, aren't you?

How did you know? It's all in the hands.

It's gonna be a boy.

Yeah. Yeah, i wanna welcome you to our fair city.

It's always nice to have honeymooners in los angeles.

Well. Well, it's a wonderful story here, ladies and gentlemen.

These two brothers are reunited tonight for the first time in 26 years.

Am i right, sir?

It's all in the hands. Let's see.

Let's see who's next here.

Whoo.

This beautiful bracelet is the first present you bought for yourself with your new inheritance.

Am i right? Nobody knows about that.

I hope there are no i.r.s. Agents in the audience.

It's all in the fingers.

I'm sorry.

Uh, sir, you're-

you're here in town for the convention.

And you've had some luck with the ladies- maybe a starlet or two?

Am i right, sir? I tripped you up, i did, buddy.

I'm head of the christian plumbers association in waukegan,

and i don't have that kind of lust in my heart.

Would anyone like to send up a personal item or two...

for the amazing falsworth to take a reading from?

Um, anything. A scafr.

A watch. Somejewelry.

Uh, um, any volunteers?

You, sir. You look like you have some interesting secrets.

Um, and, of course,

all of these items will be returned to you,

um, immediately after the reading.

Aaah! Ya scared the cider out of me, falsworth!

I'm sorry, jimmy. Jimmy, get the police out here very quickly.

I'll be up in my dressing room. Send them right up, and hurry! What?

Falsworth here! Detective spota, l.a.p.d. What can i do for you?

Don't move! I got the police on the line right now!

Mr. Spota, the murderer, the keyboard killer, he's right in my dressing room right now!

Now, look, mr. Amazing falsworth, if you want publicity, call entertainment tonight.

We got a lot of work to do. Look, detective spota, i'm a professional psychic!

- I know who you are. I've seen your show. - The killer was in the club tonight.

I touched him while i was blindfolded. I could feel who he was and that he had just murdered two people moments before.

And now he's in my dressing room! He's right in front of me!

Right now, huh? All right. Do you think you'll be all right? Well, how the hell do i know?

Well, uh, try not to aggravate the guy. I'll be right there.

What do you want from me?

Damn it! What the hell do you want from me?

. da da da da da dum.

. we're better friends than we were spouses.

. better off in separate houses.

. and though it may not seem as such.

. i love you very, very much.

. dum da-da dum-dum, dum dum...

that's from your loving ex-wife, natalie. Can i go now?

I almost forgot your cookie.

Who is it? Spota, l.a.p.d.

How do i know it's you? Believe me. I'm me.

Mr. Falsworth, you okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks for coming, detective. You scared the hell outta me.

So where's the suspect?

Well, i'm sorry. It was a case of mistaken identity.

Oh, so you're telling me there's no killer here, right?

There is, i swear. It's just, uh, it wasn't who i thought it was.

You got any diet? No.

Look, uh, let's get one thing clear right off the bat, mr. Falsworth.

I don't believe in this "psycho-phenomenen."

Parapsychological phenomenon. Whatever.

All i'm interested in is the facts, as joe friday used to say.

Hey, you've made a nice little career out of mind-reading, and i respect that. I really do.

I've made a career out of fact-finding for the last 15 years, and i hope you'll respect that.

Okay, that's out of the way. Now, what happened here?

In my show, i wear a heavy blindfold...