Amazing Stories

? On the shore by the sea ?

? By the way, by tomorrow by this time we'll be ?

? On the boardwalk in Atlantic City ?

? We will walk in a dream ?

? On the boardwalk in Atlantic City ?

? Life will be peaches and cream ?

Are we leavin' on time tonight, Pee-Wee?

There's your change. There's your mints.

Gee, thanks. Would you give this to our waitress please?

- Yeah, sure. No problem. - Thank you very much. Come on sweetheart.

Can we have the check?

Okay. Just a sec, miss.

? Down on the old New Jersey shore ?

Mighty good java. Hey, could you top it off, please, honey?

Sure.

? By this time we'll be ?

? On the boardwalk in Atlantic City ?

? La da-da da-da-da-da ?

? In romantic, enchanted, Atlantic City ?

? Down on the old New Jersey shore ?

Here. Let me get that door for you.

Thank you, Tina.

Lois, you're gonna have to come in in the mornin'.

In? Here?

No, Buckingham Palace. You're serving tea to the queen.

Yeah, here. You have to open up in the morning.

And don't leave those dishes in the sink overnight.

They'll stink the place up to high heaven.

Don't forget to take out the garbage. Let's go, honey.

But tomorrow is my day off.

Tina, you work tomorrow, right?

Tina's ain't coming in. Her sister's in town.

They're gonna go to the boardwalk and play the slots.

But-But-But tomorrow's my anniversary, Leo.

Herbert and I have been married for 10 years.

So bring Herbie in and have a slab of meat loaf on me, huh?

I can't do it.

I just can't.

Well, maybe you don't need this job.

Yeah, why don't you quit, Lois?

I hear they're hiring exotic dancers at Caesar's Palace.

Last call for New York.

We're still waiting for the check.

The bus is leaving.

I'll be right there.

So, you coming in or what?

I'll be in.

All right. Don't forget to take out the garbage.

- -

Hi, Lo.

Herbert, what are you doing up so late?

Oh, Mr. Eines made me take some work home.

I gotta get General Custer's head fixed and back on his shoulders...

before the museum opens in the morning.

Oh.

- What time is it? - Oh, midnight.

- - Herbie, I have something for you.

Come on.

- What? What? - Now wait right here.

- What is it? - Open it.

It's your anniversary present.

Tonight?

I thought it was tomorrow.

Oh.

Lois, I didn't...

uh, bring your present home.

- - I was going to give it to you tomorrow night after dinner.

- Leo's making me work. - But we had plans!

I tried to talk him out of it, and he was gonna fire me.

That louse.

Well, never mind about him now. Just open your present.

"To Herbert, the world's greatest husband.

Happy Tenth Anniversary."

Oh.

Come on, honey. It's our anniversary.

I know.

Don't you find me attractive anymore?

Of course I do, Herbie.

I'm just so darn tired. Aren't you?

No! I'm wide awake.

I'd love to make love to you.

What about General Custer's head?

He can watch.

But my hair smells like cheeseburgers,

and my hands are like pine cones,

and my feet are swollen bigger than basketballs.

Excuses, excuses.

Don't you think it's important for us both to be in the mood?

Don't worry about it, I got enough mood to go around.

Oh, Herbert, I gotta go to sleep.

On second thought, I better get Custer's eyeballs in.

I really mean what it says on that trophy, Herbert.

I'm at my wit's end, Blaze.

Lois gave me this really great trophy.

She's so sweet. If I could just afford something nice for her.

Get her posies. Women go berserk for posies.

Believe me. I know.

Yeah, but good flowers cost a bundle these days.

Not if you time it right.

Pop over to the cemetery after work.

Wait until some poor, grieving sucker drops a bushel of daisies...

on their dear departed.

Then snatch 'em up and take them home to the missus.

I guarantee you, the dead guy ain't gonna mind.

Pass.

Suit yourself. But it worked for me.

I once brought this belle of mine...

a beautiful horseshoe made out of roses.

And boy, was she grateful.

Herbert, a wedding ring!

A last, my own ring! It's all I've ever dreamed of.

Oh, Herbert!

How could you afford such a gorgeous thing?

That's my little secret.

Happy anniversary, babe.

Do you like it?

Like it? I love it!

Would you?

Wow.

That's only the beginning, lover boy.

You, me-- bedroom,

five minutes.

Be there.

You're a maniac.

I know.

So don't desert me now, you towering inferno.

Lois, please, have mercy on me, will ya?

I'm gonna come, and I'm gonna get you!

No, no.

More...

more...

more.

More, mor--

More.

You, the faint of heart, beware.

You may pass through this portal, but you may never return.

Mr. Eines, I can't find that ring anywhere.

I looked high and low. I'm really sorry.

Good morning, Herbert. Give us a hand with the lady.

- I-- - You unpacked the jewelry for this exhibit.

- Wasn't there a ring in the box? - A ring?

You mean like a little gold ring with designs?

No, no.

Be careful, Herbert.

Lift her up very gently.

She's some cute cookie.

Three times married. Three times a murderer.

She knocked them all off the same way.

She was as clever with her blades...

as Baryshnikov is with his toe shoes.

I got her jewelry. I couldn't get her knives.

Uh, Mr. Eines, you said that the jewelry on this wax figure--