Derry Girls

Improved by KID Resynced by KID Enjoy the movie(s) / show(s)

That summer was a remarkable one.

It was the summer we dared to dream.

For generations, we'd known nothing but violence,

nothing but hatred,

but finally, we were saying enough is enough.

Finally, we were saying let's give peace a chance.

- She's up here. - Jesus Christ.

She's pretending she's on Parkinson again.

Parkinson? Does she know what time it is?

I'll Parkinson her. I've enough on my plate without Parkinson.

Close the door.

No, Orla. Leave, then close the door.

- - And it was Wogan, for your information.

For the love of God, don't forget your waterproof trousers.

Nearly bloody bankrupted us.

Do the Protestants have to bring waterproof trousers,

or will the Catholics be expected to do all the dirty work?

It's not dirty work. It's an outdoor pursuits weekend.

Thought you said you were building bridges.

Not real bridges, Mammy. Metaphorical bridges.

Then why can't you wear metaphorical trousers?

- Will any of your crowd be going, love? - My crowd?

Or can you not get Protestant lesbians?

No, I think you can get them, all right, it's just...

I heard that k.d. lang on the radio yesterday.

Christ, but she's got some set of pipes on her.

You're very talented people.

- Thank you? -

Has anyone seen my bow and arrow?

Orla really thrives in the wild, you know.

That time we went camping in Portsalon,

sure she was like Mowgli, running around them woods.

She was that happy, Mary,

I honestly thought about just leaving her there.

Mammy!

Because of government restrictions,

we cannot broadcast the voice of Mr. Adams.

His words are spoken by an actor.

Well, with respect, and I mean,

- if you're watching... - I'll never understand the point of it.

I'll never understand the point of you.

Grand so.

- - I'll go.

...both agree about the need to see an end to all acts of violence.

I want to see that.

It's because his natural voice is actually very seductive.

Apparently, he sounds like a West Belfast Bond.

As far as English are concerned, a voice like that, well, it's dangerous.

Just so I'm clear, are you saying that the British government

dub the voice of Gerry Adams because it's too sexy?

It's like a fine whiskey.

And I have it on good authority, boy.

OK.

- Fuck-a-doodle-doo. - Hi.

Bet that's what he said when he was nabbed.

- When who got nabbed? - Have you not heard?

You know your man, floppy hair, English,

he's all, "Fuck-a-doodle this, fuck-a-doodle-that."

He's flat out going to weddings with his mates,

until one of them, the fat beardy one in the skirt,

until he croaks it and they're all,

"We need to show this man a bit of respect here. Let's stop all the clocks."

He goes with your woman. You know her.

She's a total ride, but she paper-clips her frocks together.

Well, he was caught getting down and dirty

with some hooker in the back of his BMW.

Dark horse or what?

Good morning, Michelle.

I am buzzing for this weekend.

Them waterproof trousers do wonders for my hole.

Mine are pink. They're bright pink.

They were two for one, James. Stop crying.

- Two for one? Where? - Kays Catalogue.

- My mammy said to tell you... - Her big bowl.

I know, I know, I keep forgetting. I'll drop it 'round today.

No, she said to hang on to it.

What? She doesn't want her big bowl back?

But why? There's nothing wrong with that bowl.

Sure, I was admiring that bowl only yesterday.

- It's a grand bowl. - I'm just a messenger, folks.

- Aye. - We need to shift ourselves.

Listen, wains. I've already said this to Erin.

Mammy, please.

No funny business with these Protestant lads. Is that clear?

I don't want anybody landing back here pregnant.

Not very likely in my case.

I wouldn't rule it out, son.

Teenage boys can be very convincing, Erin.

- I remember your father at that age... - End that sentence now.

- Yes, please do. - Creep.

We're not doing this to get off with Protestant boys, Mammy.

We're doing this to reach across the divide.

- Did your mother get a new big bowl? - I don't think so.

- We're doing this for peace... - All right, Erin.

No need to make a big song and dance about it.

We're doing it for peace, all right, Mary.

A piece of that fine Protestant ass.

God, you are such a hypocrite, Erin.

No, I'm not.

I just don't think there's anything wrong with some cross-community...

- Fiddling. - ...relations.

So, we need to head southeast for 0.5 miles,

and you'll receive further instructions shortly.

We haven't even left the estate yet, Orla.

These Prods have got some serious moves up their sleeves, you know.

They're not as fucked up about sex as we are.

They put the work in. They know what they're doing.

They're people, Michelle. They're not sex toys.

I beg to differ.

I'm really looking forward to making friends with some lads.

Lads aren't going to make friends with you, James.

Lads make friends with other lads.

- I am a lad. - So you are, James.

OK, how much money do we have?

Look, the riding of the Protestants is one thing,

but I don't see why we have to buy them a present.

I mean, they already have all the land, all the jobs and all the fucking rights.

Aye, Michelle, that's definitely the attitude

we should have entering into this weekend.

A present for Protestants?

My next Protestant gift delivery isn't due to arrive until Wednesday,

and as it stands, I'm completely out of stock,

what with there being such a high fucking demand

for that sort of thing around these parts.

That's a shame.

How much for the Subbuteo, Dennis?

We'll call it 16 quid.

Could we call it 1.76?

No, we fucking couldn't.

How about we give you the 1.76,

- and we pay the rest off in installments? - Yeah.

Which would be, what, 3.56 over four weeks.

Jesus, check out Rain Wain.

Or, you could give us the Subbuteo, and then we could work off the debt.

Yeah, we could do chores and stuff.

Chores? What do you think this is?

Little House on the fucking Prairie?

Do you watch Little House on the Prairie, Dennis?

Get out!

Come on, girls, this is embarrassing.

Well, it's all right for you, Clare, but we want to bunk these lads.

We have to offer them some kind of incentive.

They're not prostitutes, Michelle, and even if they were,

I think a half-eaten packet of Rolos and an Ulster Bank keyring

is a pretty insulting form of payment.

I have an HB pencil.

Happy days.

Hi, guys.

That's... that's not what you're giving to the Protestants, is it?

It's just a little token, really.

Yeah, so is ours.

Is that an Ulster Bank keyring?

It is indeed, yeah.

I must admit, I had a bit of an advantage

when it came to the whole present buying thing, because...

- You're loaded. - Because I know what they like.

I happen to be very good friends with a half-Protestant.

- What? - They don't come in halves, Jenny.

They do, actually. I met her at ballet class.

Her name's Zara, and she has a horse.

Good for Zara. Bye-bye, now.

Of course she's friends with a half-Protestant. Of course she is.

She has been fucking unbearable since them braces came off.

Dose.

Well, I can make friends with a full-Protestant

and see how she likes it.

Zara won't seem quite so impressive next to my thoroughbred, will she, Jenny?!

Relax, Clare.

Why has she got so much money anyway?

Who's her dad? Pierce fucking Brosnan?

He's a surgeon over at Altnagelvin. He took Orla's tonsils out.

And not a day goes by when I don't think about them.

Give peace a chance! Give peace a chance!

Give peace a chance! Give peace a chance!

Give peace a chance!

No hate! No hate! Let's integrate!

Yay!

- Give peace a chance! - Kill me.

Give peace a chance! Give peace a chance!

The Prods have landed.

Single file.

You must be Ms. Turner.

That's right. Well, Janet.

Michael. Sister Michael.

- It's a pleasure. - I know.

- Move it. - Shift it.

Why is everyone so desperate for them to mix?

I think we should keep them separate.

I think we should keep them in cages.

So, Our Lady Immaculate girls have been split into groups,

A through to F,

as have the Londonderry Boys Academy.

We'd like to As to find As, Bs to find Bs,

et cetera and so on. It's very straightforward.

However, if that isn't clear, feel free to say so.

But know that you will be judged.

Lads, you really shouldn't have.

I'm starting to see that, all right.

I'm going to keep mine on my bed, where I sleep,