Pride & Prejudice

Lydia! Kitty!

My dear Mr Bennet, have you heard?

Netherfield Park is let at last. Do you not want to know who has taken it?

As you wish to tell me, my dear, I doubt I have any choice in the matter.

Kitty, what have I told you about listening at the door?

There's a Mr Bingley arrived from the North.

- Five thousand a year! - Really?

- He's single! - Who's single?

A Mr Bingley, apparently. Kitty!

How can that possibly affect them?

Mr Bennet, how can you be so tiresome?

You know he must marry one of them.

That is his design in settling here?

You must go and visit him at once.

Good heavens. People.

For we may not visit if you do not, as you well know, Mr Bennet.

- Are you listening? You never listen. - You must, Papa! At once!

There's no need. I already have.

- You have? - When?

Oh, Mr Bennet, how can you tease me so?

Have you no compassion for my poor nerves?

You mistake me, my dear. I have the highest respect for them.

They've been my constant companions these twenty years.

Papa!

- Is he amiable? - Who?

- Is he handsome? - He's sure to be.

With 5,000 a year, it would not matter if he had warts.

Who's got warts?

I will consent to his marrying whichever girl he chooses.

- So will he come to the ball tomorrow? - I believe so.

- Mr Bennet! - I have to have your muslin!

- I'll lend you my green slippers! - They were mine.

- I'll do your mending for a week. - I'll retrim your new bonnet.

Two weeks I'll do it for.

It's not the same! It's not the same.

I can't breathe.

I think one of my toes just came off.

If every man does not end the evening in love with you,

then I'm no judge of beauty.

- Or men. - No, they are far too easy to judge.

They're not all bad.

Humourless poppycocks, in my limited experience.

One day, someone will catch your eye,

and then you'll have to watch your tongue.

How good of you to come.

Which of the painted peacocks is our Mr Bingley?

He's on the right. On the left is his sister.

- The person with the quizzical brow? - That is his good friend, Mr Darcy.

- He looks miserable, poor soul. - He may be, but poor he is not.

Tell me.

10,000 a year, and he owns half of Derbyshire.

The miserable half.

Mr Bennet, you must introduce him to the girls immediately.

Smile at Mr Bingley. Smile.

Mary.

Mr Bingley, my eldest daughter you know.

Mrs Bennet, Miss Jane Bennet, Elizabeth and Miss Mary Bennet.

It is a pleasure. I have two others, but they're already dancing.

I'm delighted to make your acquaintance.

And may I introduce Mr Darcy of Pemberley in Derbyshire.

How do you like it here in Hertfordshire?

Very much.

The library at Netherfield, I've heard, is one of the finest.

It fills me with guilt. I'm not a good reader. I prefer being out of doors.

Oh, I mean, I can read, of course.

And I'm not suggesting you can't read out of doors.

I wish I read more, but there seem to be so many other things to do.

That's exactly what I meant.

Mama, Mama! You will never, ever believe what we're about to tell you.

- Tell me! - She's going to take the veil.

- The regiment are coming! - Officers?

They're going to be stationed the whole winter, right here.

- Officers? - As far as the eye can see.

Oh, look. Jane's dancing with Mr Bingley.

Mr Bennet.

- Do you dance, Mr Darcy? - Not if I can help it.

I didn't know you were coming to see me. What's the matter?

We are a long way from Grosvenor Square, are we not, Mr Darcy?

I've never seen so many pretty girls.

You were dancing with the only handsome girl.

She is the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld.

- But her sister Elizabeth is agreeable. - Perfectly tolerable.

Not handsome enough to tempt me. Return to your partner and enjoy her smiles.

You're wasting your time with me.

Count your blessings, Lizzie. If he liked you, you'd have to talk to him.

Precisely.

I wouldn't dance with him for all of Derbyshire,

let alone the miserable half.

Wait!

- I enjoyed that so much, Miss Lucas. - How well you dance, Mr Bingley.

I've never enjoyed a dance so much.

My daughter Jane is a splendid dancer, is she not?

She is indeed.

Your friend Miss Lucas is a most amusing young woman.

Oh, yes, I adore her.

- It is a pity she's not more handsome. - Mama!

Oh, but Lizzie would never admit that she's plain.

Of course, it's my Jane who's considered the beauty of the county.

Mama, please!

When she was 15, a gentleman was so much in love with her,

I was sure he would make her an offer.

However, he did write her some very pretty verses.

And that put paid to it.

I wonder who discovered the power of poetry in driving away love.

- I thought poetry was the food of love. - Of a fine, stout love.

But if it is only a vague inclination, one poor sonnet will kill it.

So, what do you recommend to encourage affection?

Dancing. Even if one's partner is barely tolerable.

Mr Bingley is just what a young man ought to be.

- Sensible, good-humoured... - Handsome, conveniently rich...

Marriage should not be driven by thoughts of money.

Only deep love will persuade me to marry.

- Which is why I'll end up an old maid. - Do you really believe he liked me?

He danced with you most of the night, and stared at you the rest.

I give you leave to like him. You've liked many stupider.

You're a great deal too apt to like people in general.

All the world is good in your eyes.

Not his friend. I still can't believe what he said about you.

Mr Darcy?

I'd more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine.

But no matter. I doubt we shall ever speak again.

He danced with Miss Lucas.

We were all there, dear.

It is a shame she's not more handsome.

There's a spinster in the making and no mistake.

The fourth with a Miss King of little standing,

and the fifth again with Jane.

If he had any compassion, he would've sprained his ankle.

The way you carry on,

you'd think our girls look forward to a grand inheritance.

When you die, which may be very soon,

they will be left without a roof over their head nor a penny to their name.

- Please, it's ten in the morning. - A letter to Miss Bennet, ma'am.

From Netherfield Hall.

Praise the Lord. We are saved!

Make haste, Jane, make haste. Oh, happy day!

It is from Caroline Bingley.

She has invited me to dine with her.

- Her brother will be dining out. - Dining out?

- Can I take the carriage? - Let me see.

- It is too far to walk. - This is unaccountable of him.

Mama, the carriage for Jane?

Certainly not. She'll go on horseback.

Horseback!

Lizzie.

Now she'll have to stay the night, exactly as I predicted.

Good grief, woman, your skills in the art of matchmaking

are positively occult.

Though I don't think, Mama, you can take credit for making it rain.

"My friends will not hear of me returning home until I am better.

Excepting a sore throat, a fever and a headache, nothing is wrong with me."

If Jane does die it will be a comfort to know it was in pursuit of Mr Bingley.

People do not die of colds.

But she may perish with the shame of having such a mother.

I must go to Netherfield at once.

Lady Bathurst is redecorating her ballroom in the French style.

A little unpatriotic, don't you think?

Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

Good Lord, did you walk here?

I did.

- I'm so sorry. How is my sister? - She's upstairs.

Thank you.

My goodness, did you see her hem? Six inches deep in mud.

She looked positively mediaeval.

I feel such a terrible imposition. They're being so kind to me.

I don't know who is more pleased at your being here, Mama or Mr Bingley.

Thank you for tending to my sister so diligently.

She's in far better comfort than at home.

It's a pleasure.

I mean, it's not a pleasure that she's ill. Of course not.

It's a pleasure that she's here, being ill.

Not going to be famous, our pig.

Black on the back, but not related to the learned pig of Norwich.

- Now that pig is... - Mr Bennet.

It's all going to plan. He's half in love with her already.

- Who is, blossom? - Mr Bingley.

He doesn't mind that she hasn't a penny.

He has more than enough for the two of them.

- How will we meet them? - Easy!

Wait for me!

You drop something. They pick it up. And then you're introduced.

Officers!

You write uncommonly fast, Mr Darcy.

You're mistaken. I write slowly.

How many letters you must have occasion to write, Mr Darcy.

Letters of business. How odious I should think them.

It is fortunate, then, they fall to me and not you.

Tell your sister I long to see her.

- I've already told her once. - I do dote on her.

I was quite in raptures at her beautiful design for a table.

Perhaps you will give me leave to defer your raptures.

I have not room enough to do them justice.

You young ladies are so accomplished.

- What do you mean? - You paint tables, play the piano

and embroider cushions.

I never heard of a lady, but people say she's accomplished.

The word is applied too liberally.

I do not know more than half a dozen women

- that are truly accomplished. - Nor I.

Goodness, you must comprehend a great deal in the idea.