Pure

Have you ever had one of those weird, distressing thoughts

where you're just like, fuck! Where did that come from?

Like something totally inappropriate or shocking, like imagining your boss naked. Mmm!

Or punching an old person in the street.

Or, er, jumping off a train platform.

TRAIN HORN

Most people can easily dismiss them, because you know deep down

that you don't really want to do those things.

But what happens when the part of your brain that allows you to

dismiss those thoughts isn't working properly?

What happens if you get those thoughts so regularly

that they start to become a real challenge to your sense of self

that you just don't know who you are any more?

# I won't take all that they hand me down... #

It's a bad day if it ends with you freezing your tits off in a lay-by.

As of two hours ago, my life is fucked - literally.

The kind of fucked you cannot come back from.

# Cos I'm not like everybody else

# I'm not like everybody else

# I'm not like everybody else

# I'm not like everybody else

# And I don't want to ball about like everybody else

# And I don't want to live my life like everybody else... #

That might look like a smile, but it's total delusion.

Oh, I've already paid him, Mum.

# Cos I'm not like everybody else. #

Take that, come on, for the cab. No, Mum, I don't want your money.

No, Marnie, don't be silly, come on. Please, Mum...

Oh, great, like I gave you a lap dance!

Is there a function going on?

# And I don't want to live my life like everybody else

# And I don't want to live my life like everybody else. #

Surprise!

Did you do this?! Come on!

And our wee besom!

How did you get everyone's numbers?!

# Like everybody else

# Like everybody else

# Like everybody else

# Like everybody else

# Like everybody else

# Like everybody else

# Like everybody else. #

Hello.

Sorry, it's the speech now. SHE LAUGHS

Speech!

I wish my parents weren't so popular, then there wouldn't be

so many of you! LAUGHTER

Um, I thought I'd say a few words for Mum and Dad's

special anniversary.

And they didn't have any other kids, so it had to be me.

LAUGHTER

On the plus side, being the only child, I do get all the inheritance.

LAUGHTER

Thanks for having that vasectomy, Dad!

LAUGHTER

Shout out to my pal Helen for helping me pull this off,

and to Gran for paying for it.

Still got her credit card, she forgot.

LAUGHTER

No, I'm only joking. I just kept it.

No. SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

What can I say about Mum and Dad?

They just go together.

They come as a pair. They're like...

..trousers or scissors or spectacles.

The world wouldn't make sense if they weren't together.

You inspire me.

Ahhhh!

And, on the third Friday of the month,

let's just say you do not want to be in the bedroom next to theirs!

AUDIENCE MURMURS

Massive third wheel!

Shit...

Um...

Sorry!

MARNIE LAUGHS

SHE SIGHS

It's a bit shit for them, cos I still live at home.

I'm one of those people who moves home, er, in with their parents

after uni, um,

and works their summer job till something better comes along,

and 13 months later still hasn't done anything with her English degree.

Except for write this...

..collection of words.

Errr...

Uh... Stop...

Er...

Um...

Fuck, er... Sh...

Sorry. And my hands are sweating.

Is it hot in here? It's, it's hot.

It's hot!

THEY ALL LAUGH

SHE GASPS

Ah!

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Stop it!

BANG

Welcome to the fucked-up mystery that is my life.

Sorry if that made you a bit sick in your mouth.

I've thought about a lot of awful things,

but that shitshow was the mother of them all.

# Loneliness... #

When I was 14, I started having relentless graphic thoughts

about sex.

Not just sex-sex, fucked-up-sex.

Sex-that-gets-you-arrested-sex.

And 3,723 days later -

it hasn't stopped.

# The sun ain't gonna shine any more

# The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky

# The tears are always clouding your eyes... #

It's like The Sixth Sense, but I don't see dead people.

I see naked ones.

I've turned everyone and everything you can imagine into filth,

except my family.

Until today.

# There's nothing to lose but no more... #

Most people move to London to seek their fortune.

I'll settle for some fucking answers.

# The sun ain't gonna shine any more

# The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky

# The tears are always clouding your eyes... #

TRAFFIC ROARS

SIRENS

# The sun ain't gonna shine any more... #

PHONE VIBRATES

I'm doing them a favour. Nobody wants a pervert for a daughter -

they can't stick THAT in their Christmas newsletter.

LOUD HORN

That's not just a random nipple.

That's 781 minutes of thinking what I could do to it.

Lick it,

suck it,

flick it...

..milk it?

DISTANT SIRENS

Fuck's sake.

HELEN GASPS ON VIDEO

PHONE RINGS

Hi. For fuck's sake, Marn.

Your mum said you're in fucking London! What the fuck?!

You can't just fuck off to London and expect me to do nothing.

I was SO worried.

I...

I just keep...

..thinking about all this stuff. What stuff?

You always say that, but you never say what. I can't... Shh!

Do you want me to come down?

Cos I will, I've got holidays to take.

No, I don't want anyone with me.

Well, what am I supposed to do if I'm up here and you're down there?

CRYING! I don't know what's wrong with me!

You're just a bit...anxious, aren't you?

That's what it is, it's anxiety.

Everyone's got it.

God, you're so mainstream! THEY LAUGH

Speak to someone. Please?

I'm really worried about you, Marn.

S-s-so am I.

SHE SOBS

Marnie Macauley, room 5.

You won't shock me. I've heard some things.

Er... I just worry all the time.

About sex stuff, mainly.

And what triggers these worries?

Anyone with genitalia.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Who has an anxiety attack in the M&S lingerie department

or while watching Lorraine?

Oh, um...

So, what is it about those situations that...distresses you?

Well, um...

With Lorraine, er, I was watching it

and I noticed her shoes, cos she always has nice shoes on,

and I noticed the pointy heels, and...

..then I thought about where she could put one,

like in her vagina.

And then I was like, why did I think that?

Do I want to do that to Lorraine?

So then I tried to unthink it,

but it just made me think about it more,

and then it was an hour later and I was still thinking about it, and...

..I couldn't breathe. That's why it distressed me.

So you mostly think about women? Not just women, but...

You have explicit sexual thoughts about them and it upsets you?

Is it possible you could be gay?

Is being gay so hard to imagine?

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

I haven't been with a woman.

I've spent so much time trying to decide if I want to,

and I moved home to the Borders after uni so I couldn't,

cos it's home, and you can't sleep with a woman

cos she probably goes to Zumba with your mum,

and you can't go to the doctor

because sometimes he comes over to play penny whistle with your dad.

Not a euphemism, it actually happens.

You're not at home any more.

DOG BARKS