Hellfjord

Get rid of the gum, Salamander.

It's Salmander, no middle a.

Get rid of the gum.

Nicotine gum. I've stopped smoking, so I

Get rid of it now!

Yes.

And go on.

Well, it was... a regular Independence Day.

Nice weather.

No disturbances.

Bought ice cream.

Stopped some drunk grad girls.

Are you drunk?

Get to the point!

Gunnar...

Hm?

My horse.

He...

behaved very weird.

Gunnar. Gunnar. Don't stare at me.

He sprained his foot, and...

And?

Fell down.

What the fuck?

Gunnar.

Not doing so good?

Gunnar. It's Salmander. Your daddy.

I checked the manual.

"Routines for hurt animals. Assess condition."

"If the animal is suffering, it must be put down instantly."

Put down, OK.

Gunnar.

Move away.

I have to kill him.

You shot the horse?

-Gunnar. -The horse!

I just tried to do the right thing.

Gunnar?

Hey! You!

Take this. And then buzz off.

You shot the horse, beat it with a tuba, and backed a car over it.

TORTURED HORSE

I know we asked you to become more visible in the streets,

but this isn't what we wanted.

You know what's easiest to do?

To say you're fired.

So that's what I'm doing.

You're fired, Salamander.

I wish I could discharge you right now,

but the new rules from 2001 says everyone has the right to 3 month's notice.

OK?

As you're a walking PR disaster, we cant keep you here,

and you were accepted via the Immigration Quota, so...

Yes. Eh, anyway...

Hellfjård?

Hellfjord!

What is Hellfjord?

It's situated hellishly far up north.

And you are to report in Hellfjord

within 24 hours, Salamander.

You'll be there for 3 months as district sheriff.

And then you're done, and I'll never see you again.

But...

what if I do a good job there?

That wont happen.

Hello.

-Hi. -Howdy.

You're Salamander?

Yes.

Salmander, no middle a.

-Are you Norwegian? -Yes.

Here are my transfer papers from Oslo.

No, leave 'em.

Kristoffer Wegelius Tangstad.

Salmander.

You can just call me Kobba.

Everyone I don't like does that.

Sure.

So this is where... I'll be working for 3 months?

No.

Okay.

Looks like we have a landlubber aboard.

Eh?

Where?

Here?

Oh!

The sea!

I like the sea.

Southerner.

What was that?

You've got something here.

What the fuck?

What the fuck was that?

Don't worry about it. It's only Tulla.

Tulla?

Our sea serpent.

Sea serpent, sure.

Must give her a snack when one journeys in her waters,

or else she goes quite mad.

For some reason she's crazy about goat's head.

Dinner is served!

Looks like you're getting dessert too.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE

Well, here's the police office.

You can see it says sheriff's office.

On the sign.

Those who've crunched the numbers, and know the figures ,

say that Hellfjord is the place in Norway with most square meters per capita.

-Yeah. Strange. -Yes.

Well, say hello to...

Riina. My old lady.

So greet Salmander, no middle a, in a nice way.

He's a celeb, killed a horse in Oslo, was in the papers.

Hi.

-Nice to meet you. -Shut the fuck up, speak Norwegian!

Likewise.

Run into the kitchen and make some coffee.

Mail order bride from Finland.

Not too bad, Kobba.

No, not at that price, that wasn't too bad.

Potato shortage in northern Finland.

You surely know my situation.

I think that if I do a fantastic job up here,

it might...

Then it might...

be that...

I don't get fired by the boys in Oslo.

-You don't say. -That maybe I...

can keep my job in the police.

Can you brief me about Hellfjord?

Sure.

As you know, Hellfjord is a fairly small place.

The average age is 67 years,

and we're the only village in Norway where everyone smokes.

We also have the highest numbers of COPD,

but I don't see any connection.

We've our own doctor, dentist, plumber, mailman,

mechanic and chimney sweeper.

His name's Roger.

Got our own pub. Kjell's Kitchen.

There you can watch nude ladies, get drunk, fuck and fight.

Or just bring the family to a nice Sunday dinner.

Then we have the very life nerve of the area, the fish processing Hellfish.

About 60 percent of the inhabitants work here,

filleting, penetrating, cleaning and shipping the fish.

It's being run by a Swede named Bosse Nova.

Very nice bloke.

Bosse Nova?

Wanna see my dick?

Hm?

Pardon?