Reno 911!

Oh. Oh, wow. Holy poop.

I thought we got cancelled.

No. Ha. That is the weirdest thing ever.

I could have sworn for sure we were cancelled.

Oh, jeez.

Hey, frank. Hey. How you doing?

You got a little, uh...

Thanks.

Uh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

What have you missed since you've been here?

Um, jeez, so much has happened.

Uh, we finally got those new light bulbs

That save us about 3 cents every 3 days on electricity.

Um...we got a new kind of hepatitis.

It started right here in our jail.

So if you catch hep r, you can thank us.

We got that one going for you.

Mayor hernandez got elected again...

Despite being actually videotaped, uh...

Smoking crack cocaine, but, uh...

He got the latino vote.

Cindy's still here doing terrific, aren't ya?

How's your english coming?

I've been practicing a lot with you,

Handsome guy.

Ha ha! Ha ha!

Ok, and we never ever call the lieutenant a handsome guy.

We just call them...

Lieutenant handsome, right. Lieutenant. That's right.

Sorry.

And i notice there's no glitter on those today.

No, and no nipple showing today.

Great job. We're making improvements every single day.

And let's turn off the, uh, the tv.

thank you so much.

Uh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, what else?

A couple deputies got burned up in that horrible explosion at taco's, taco's, taco's.

We got the new light bulbs,

New kind of hepatitis started here.

That's really about all the news that i can think of.

Man: ...is not here, i'm in charge.

Thank you, sergeant jack.

And let's see.

Couple of deputies got exploded in an explosion...

New light bulbs, got a new kind of hepatitis.

We didn't get cancelled.

Oh.

Oh, oh! Something huge!

The new coffee cups came in.

Hey! Hey!

Ha ha!

Stop! Son of a bitch! Goddamn it!

Huh!

Hang on, i'm coming!

Woo-Hoo!

Ow!

Push 'em. Push 'em together.

Oh, god!

[Bang, bang, click, click]

Uh! Uh!

Aah!

Captioning made possible by mtv networks

Dangle: good morning, gang.

All: morning.

Lieutenant's about to start.

Let's focus up and give him our attention.

Thank you, jack.

Uh, could i ask today,

Could we get a fresh start today?

Let's not--Let's just not all go running out of the building

If we hear the ice cream truck.

Please.

That happened once.

Yesterday. And it looked really bad.

I didn't know there was a news crew across the street

Filming whatever they were filming.

It just--It looks-- It doesn't look great.

Could we just give all the money to one person,

And then if we hear it...

Very good idea.

This will be the new plan.

The new plan is we will have a bag man, ok?

May i tell you the nightmare in that scenario?

Sure.

Change. That is a nightmare.

You go there with all this different money,

People ordering different things,

You know, boppity bop bop.

And you come back, how do you give the change?

Ok, let's get a task force together on this,

But i think here is basically the plan.

The plan is we have a go-To bag man,

And we all know who the bagman is

If the ice cream truck is coming by.

I have an idea.

Bagman--I haven't called on you yet.

Trudy.

What if we all just get the same thing.

No, well, no, no, no, no!

This isn't russia.

This is a non-Communist country.

Not a communist country.

No, thank you. We will not all get the same thing

If the ice cream truck comes.

What we will do is we'll have a plan, ok?

A plan.

ice cream truck. Ice cream truck.

No, goddamn it!

Ok, stop that. Get me a...

Screwball! What do you want?

Screwball!

Dangle: sheriff's department!

Sheriff's department.

Hey, how y'all doing?

This is private property, sir.

It certainly is.

Private property. Not your property, sir.

Mrs. Henderson called.

She said there's a black man dressed up like a cow

On crack cocaine harassing her goats.

Ok, she did? She did? Yeah, she did.

That goat was harassing me.

Really? Excuse me.

That goat was harassing me!

What did the goat say to you?

What did the goat say to you?

He said, hey, man, why you up in this pen

With your-- I know you ain't a cow.

I said i didn't say i was a cow.

Your story doesn't check out.

This story doesn't check out.

What did she say? Tell me what she said, then.

Black man, cow costume, crack cocaine,

Harassing my goats, trespassing on my property.

Ok, you know what?

Let's refute those one by one.

Ok, i'm gonna refute 'em one by one.

Crack head.

I can't refute that one, ok.

Dress up like a cow.

Well, i'm o for 2, then, fine.

Harassing my goats.

That i didn't do 'cause i was up in here.

We're watching you right now!

We saw you do it! I saw you do it!

I wasn't harassing them, man!

I was over here. This m--This little--

Don't point at him.

Ah! Son of a bitch.

Goddamn it!

Stop! Goddamn it!

Freeze! Goddamn it.

The crack makes 'em fast.

He's heading straight to mountain lion country.

You know what? They'll take care of him.

Mountains lions will get him.

It's the circle of life.

Ok, this undercover operation will be called

Operation cobra fist.

You will be trailing jesus del gallos.

Scumbag.

Known pcp dealer.

Standard cover. Don't get too close.

He's a dangerous mofo, del gallos.

Catch him, bring him in. Any questions?

You sound awkward when you say mofo.

I felt bad as soon as it came out of my mouth.

Yeah, you don't own it so it sounds weird.

He's a bad guy.

Oh, and jack wanted-- He wanted to give you...

You want a new--

He wanted to give you a whole speech about it

Now you're partners and--And...

Yeah, well--

He's been practicing all morning.

That's not true.

Yes, you were. I heard you practicing.

No, you didn't. Yes, i did.

No, it was something else.

What were you practicing in the locker room?

Doesn't matter. Ok. Do it.

Look, guys, you're partners now.

It's what he was practicing in the locker ro.

No, it's not.

You're partners now. Yeah.

That's stronger than the bond

Between a man and a woman.

That's stronger than the bond

Between priest and confessor.

It was shorter when i heard it in the locker room.

It's like romantic love.

I want you to look at each other right now.

Wait, wait. Jack, quick, quick time out.

The one you were practicing in the briefing--

In the locker room this morning-- I wasn't practicing.

The one you were practicing this morning

I though was better and more fun.

Jim, what is operation cobra fist mean?

What is that?

It's, like one of the--