Chris Rock: Never Scared

I think he's a funny guy, he's original.

He's a hilarious man and he's a superstar.

And I have two tickets

for me and my baby to go see him.

It's gonna be a great show.

As he says...

"There's black folks and there's niggas."

I think he's a... Very progressive black man.

I think he's true with everything he says.

He hits home.

I mean, just all his jokes are on point,

and you know exactly what he's talking about

at all times.

D.C., are you ready?!

D.c., are you ready?!

Give it up for my brother!

The one, the only...

Chris rooooooock!

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you all for coming out!

Yes!

Welcome, sit your asses down!

Thank you all for coming out to my fourth hbo special.

That's right, baby.

We're gonna do it right, man.

It's good to be here, in washington, d.C.

D.c.

That's right, lovely constitution hall.

That's right, man.

Now, I haven't toured in a long time.

I haven't done a special for a long time.

I was waiting for special things to happen in my life.

And a lot's happened in my life since the last time

I was on the road, man.

I had a little baby girl, I had a little baby girl.

A little baby girl, yeah.

It's not a big deal.

I mean, even roaches have kids, right?

But I got a little baby girl, right?

And it's amazing when you have a girl.

You're a man, you have a girl.

It's eye-opening.

Because I've realized I'm the man in her life.

And my relationship with my daughter

is gonna affect her relationship with men

for the rest of her life.

And every man in here has dated a woman

with some daddy issues.

That shit ain't fun, okay?

She giving you a hard time over some shit her daddy did

in 1969, okay?

That shit ain't never fun!

Sometimes, I'm walking with my daughter,

I'm talking to my daughter, I'm looking at her,

I'm pushing her in her stroller,

and sometimes I pick her up

and I just stare at her,

and I realize my only job in life...

Is to keep her off the pole.

Keep my baby off the pole!

I mean, they don't grade fathers.

But if your daughter's a stripper,

you fucked up.

And I'm not making fun of the strippers,

because some of these girls were abused.

Some of them were abused.

And some of them just missed a few hugs.

Some of them are like, "daddy, can we talk?"

"Hey, I'm watching the game!"

"I'll show you!

"I'm gonna dance naked to motley crue records!

"I'm gonna change my name to cinna-buns,

and I'm gonna wear clear heels!"

When did clear heels become the new whore uniform?

When did that happen?

Was there a big, old ho convention,

and all the hoes got together and said,

"we need something new?

Something that just says nasty."

And one girl said, "I got it, clear heels!"

Ooh, girl, you disgusting!

No, no, I got nothing against the strippers.

Somebody's gotta do it.

Somebody has to take on the monumental responsibility

that the strippers do!

Somebody's gotta do it.

Somebody has to entertain the married men of america!

Somebody has to do it.

Okay?

Your wife, you know, your wife will take care of you.

But she ain't gonna entertain you.

You give your wife some clear heels...

"what the fuck is this shit?!

"Get this ho shit out my house!

Now, wash your hands, so you can eat!"

I got nothing against the strippers,

but the strip clubs are very addictive.

Not to me, but to other people!

They are addictive.

Every guy in here got a friend

that's addicted to strip clubs.

Addicted like heroin, okay?

Addicted.

You know those guys that cannot function

in a normal club?

You take them to a normal club,

they ask one girl to dance.

"Excuse me, would you like to dance?"

"No, maybe, a little bit later."

"Yo, man, let's go to the titty bar, man.

"Man, these bitches is stuck up, man!

I gave this bitch a dollar, she ain't do nothing!"

No, no, no, no.

We all got those friends that's addicted to strip clubs.

You know, those guys that go to the strip club

in the daytime?

If you're at a strip club and the sun is out,

you got some problems.

You know those guys that eat at the strip club?

Eat at the buffet?

How the fuck could you eat at a nasty-ass strip club?!

What?!

Are you that hungry?!

Motherfucker, go to mickey d's or some shit!

Rwandan refugees won't eat that shit!

At a damn strip club,

titties and tater tots don't mix!

But I got nothing against the strippers.

What I got a problem with is the stripper myth.

You know the stripper myth.

There's a stripper myth

that's being perpetuated throughout society.

The stripper myth is,

"I'm stripping to pay my tuition."

No, you're not!

There's no strippers in college!

There's no clear heels in biology!

Shit, man!

I didn't know they had a college

that only took $1 bills.

And if they got so many strippers in college,

how come I never got a smart lap dance?

I never got a girl that sat on my lap and said,

"if I was you, I would diversify my portfolio.

"You know, ever since the end of the cold war,

I find nato obsolete!"

Now, I'm 39 years old, 39 years old, yep.

Some people are like, "really?"

Yeah, man.

New jack city's a long time ago.

Now, I'm 39, right?

And I still love rap music.

I love rap music, man.

You know, I love it!

But I'm tired of defending it.

Because you gotta defend rap music, man.

People go, "that's not music, that's not art.

"That's garbage!

"How can you listen to that garbage?

How can you listen to that trash?"

And in the old days, it was easy to defend rap music.

It was easy to defend it on an intellectual level.

You could break it down intellectually,

why grandmaster flash was art, why run-dmc was art.

Why whodini was art and music.

You could break it down intellectually, okay?!

And I love all the rappers today,

but it's hard to defend this shit.

It's hard, man.

It's hard to defend, "I got hoes in different area codes."

It's hard to defend,

"move bitch, get out the way."

Well, as you can see, there's a bitch in his way...

That he needs to move!

Thus, the term, "move bitch, get out the way."

You need to open your eyes,

so you can get the bitches outta your way!

My favorite song right now is impossible to defend.

It's impossible!

We should all be ashamed of ourselves

for liking this fucking song.

Lil' jon.

You know that shit.

And you know what's real wild?

You'll go to a club,

you'll see girls dancing to that shit.

Loving it!

'Til the sweat drip from my balls!

You know what's wild?

I feel sorry for the guys that gotta pick a wife

outta this bunch!

"Uh, daddy, where'd you meet mommy?"

"Oh, she was singing about balls at a club.

Skeet, skeet, skeet!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

You know what's wild?

People always say rap music is misogynistic

and it's degrading to women.

But what I realize, man, is women that like rap

don't give a fuck.