NCIS

What a jerk.

What is he doing on the phone?

Oh, that is so wrong.

Girl, he better spend some...

Oh, my God! Hang on.

I have the worst luck!

I am so, so sorry, sir.

I have no idea how this happened,

but I have insurance, don't worry.

Well, at least I had insurance.

I'm a little late on my last payment.

Hey!

Unbelievable!

What is wrong with people today?

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

What do you think?

I think that Gibbs cannot be bribed.

I'm not trying to bribe Gibbs.

I'm just...

politely asking for his help.

Help with what?

Oh, Gibbs' makeover inspired me.

I'm ready for a change, too.

Hey, don't fix what isn't broken.

Oh, no, I don't mean me.

It's my lab.

I mean, I have enjoyed a decade-plus

of being below sea level,

but I just imagine this view

that doesn't include people's bunions.

She wants to swap offices with Accounting.

I put in a request.

But Accounting got wind of it,

they staged this huge protest,

and Human Resources denied.

And you think Gibbs will help.

Because there's nothing he likes more

than H.R. drama. No, I know.

That's why he just needs to be properly motivated.

I can think of a few other adjectives that, uh,

might describe our boss better.

Grumpiest.

Angriest.

Loneliest.

Grouchiest.

Quietest.

But also fairest.

Strongest. Coolest.

Hey, Gibbs!

My savior.

H.R. already said no.

I know. I know.

That's why I just need you to talk to the accountants.

I know how you feel about accountants,

but they're not, like, contagious or anything.

I just need you to convince them

that a-a musty subterranean cavern

is a fabulous place for a new office.

Thanks. Saved by the bell, boss.

Unfortunately, this time, the bell is a dead Navy captain

in Park View.

Grab your gear.

Victim is Navy Reserve Captain Jeremy Doblin.

It's his car.

Who was driving it?

No prints.

Driver was probably wearing gloves.

And not much of a physical description from the witness.

"It was, like, a guy. I think."

That's all she could give us.

- She pretty rattled? - Oh, yeah,

but, uh, not about the accident.

Metro ticketed her for, uh, driving and texting

and we took the cell phone into evidence.

She almost had a stroke.

It's called nomophobia.

As in "no mobile phone" phobia.

It's quite common.

And a sad reflection on our

inability to disconnect,

to use the parlance.

In fact...

Sorry.

Thought that was on vibrate.

Oh, um... actually,

it's Jake calling again.

He's already called three times.

Uh...

Hey, Jake...

Don't even think about it.

Hmm-mm.

You have to leave again?

You just got back.

Is it out of the country?

Oh. Right.

No, I get it.

Well...

I know just what I'm going to wear

when you get home.

Wherever you're going.

You don't know where he's going?

Uh, that was a private phone call.

Oh? Okay, sorry.

He can't tell me where he's going.

Which... I get.

Kind of. Sort of.

Maybe-- not really.

I... it's actually fine.

It's just...

he's been traveling a lot recently, and...

it's been hard.

Well, he's been stabbed, but I would surmise

that Captain Doblin's cause of death

was asphyxiation from a crushed windpipe.

Killer could've been dumping the victim's body

when he got rear-ended.

Doctor, there's some mass

in his lower abdomen, here.

Huh?

Oh, yeah, sizable.

But it's too large for a kidney or gallstone

and too regular for a fibroid.

Well, I can't even speculate as to what that might be.

I can.

It's my magnet,

for hanging my keys on the fridge.

Best gift I ever got.

Ah!

Look at that!

That's a new one.

Captain Jeremy Doblin, 55 years old,

worked as a biochemist for the Navy.

Anything classified?

Nope. Alternative carbon-neutral energy production.

It's actually really interesting, what he was doing.

Not really, McNerd.

What is interesting is the fact that his C.O. says

he's been divorced three times,

has no friends or family that still talks to him.

Yeah?

Uh, he also got three tickets for road rage

and was reprimanded

for a shady real estate deal last year.

So, basically, everybody

in the world wants this guy dead.

DiNozzo, take the wives.

I didn't mean to draw any

similarities... Bishop.

Road rage and real estate.

McGee, evidence garage.

Finish processing the car.

Hello, people that work even lower underground than I do.

Hello, Abby.

Yeah, to what do we owe the pleasure?

I found an odd compound

in Captain Doblin's blood

and I was wondering if maybe he had

some kind of medical issue that could explain it.

No, the captain was in perfect physical health.

Though, I-I read his file,

and he could be suffering

from one or more personality disorders.

This is not an organic compound.

It looks manufactured.

Yeah. I couldn't find a match in any of my databases.

But I did trace one ingredient

to a company called Celodyne Pharmaceuticals.

Would you like me to call over there

and ask about this compound?

No, thank you.

I have decided to take a field trip

to get out of my

underground dungeon tomb for a little while.

Oh, hey, Gibbs.

I didn't even see you standing there.

I need you to sign this permission slip for me,

for my field trip.

Okay, okay, okay.

I will talk to the accountants.

I knew I could count on you.

Imagine what it would like to actually be on her bad side.

No, I would rather not,

thank you very much.

What do you got?

Well, I can confirm

that the captain did indeed die

from a crushed trachea.

The killer used

what is known in Shaolin kung fu

as a "claw" grip.

It would take some serious strength

for a layman to crush another person's trachea

using only three fingers.

So either you're looking for someone extremely strong...

Or someone trained

in Dragon style!

Hwah...!

I won't do that again.

What was inside him?

Well, as Mr. Palmer