China Doll

It's all right, Corporal. You'll get over it in the end.

If this is China, I'll take Calcutta.

Get those kickers up here, so we can trim this bird up.

Yes, sir.

Come on, you guys. Get in here.

This isn't exactly like driving down a big square in Dublin.

Before you get finished here, you're gonna know every inch of these mountains.

As long as the Burma Road is cut off,

the Hump's the only route in from India,

and that's where every piece of food, every bullet, every man lands.

Yeah, that's what they told us in troop-carrier training.

I know that you've had your stateside training, but don't let it go to your heads.

Here, you're gonna learn how to apply it.

You're gonna learn all about terrain, combat conditions,

how to parachute equipment out of the plane without going with it.

I don't expect you to like it, but I do expect you to get something out of it.

For every one of you here,

several dog tags have been sent back to the States.

When your dog tags get back, it's my job to see that you're with them.

Here they come.

- Happy hunting, Mona. - Thanks.

- Hey, watch your step. - How you guys doing?

Come on.

Say, this group has possibilities.

How can you tell?

They're men, aren't they?

Foster. Sergeant Foster!

- Yes, sir? - Get a truck up here.

Corporal Salas, on the double!

- Well, well. Thank you, dear. - Hello.

Home was never like this.

Now, what is a pretty little lass like you doing in China?

Same thing you are, Lieutenant, doing what I can about the war.

Yes, well, I like your weapons better.

Well, now, speed racing must be quite the sport in China.

- Hi, Cliff. - Hi, Father.

Say, I just learned that one of your refugees

is the grandmother of one of my orphans.

Is it all right with you if I take her back to the mission with me?

- Help yourself. - Fine.

Your medical supplies will be there before you are.

Thanks, Cliff.

Oh, say, while you were in Calcutta, I moved my black bishop to king seven.

You're in danger of losing your knight, my boy.

I'm looking forward to losing my knight, Father.

Huh?

- But not over chess. - (LAUGHING) Oh, you.

Sergeant, arrange transportation for these people.

- Get a couple of jeeps here on the double. - Yes, sir.

- I'm from Philadelphia. - That's nice. I'm from New Jersey.

Gosh. We're neighbors. I went to Princeton.

A whole river separates New Jersey from Philadelphia.

I'm a good swimmer.

I'm in the Red Cross, Lieutenant, but don't let it confuse you.

They serve coffee and nothing else.

This Captain Brandon, are we stuck with him?

You sure are. His old troop transferred out to Hengyang. You're it.

Oh, no. How do we join the Navy?

Your quarters, gentlemen.

A kimono,

some Hong Kong dollars to pay the rent, and I'll feel like a native.

Your rent's already been paid for with American dollars. You'll get the bill.

Hey, the guys that bunk here had a sense of humor.

Yeah. I hope they're still laughing.

- Be it ever so humble. - Hello, Joes.

- This is Ellington. Ellington?

A genius at reducing life's complexities.

- To him, everyone is Joe. - Where did he get the moniker?

He reminded one of the boys of the family butler,

and he's as good as they come.

He'll shine your shoes, he'll press your pants,

and he can tell a girl in Chinese you want a date with her.

Hey, now, there's a valuable man.

Any bunk in the house. Stay out of the corner.

Hey, sarge, come here.

What's he saying?

Well, from what I can make out, he wants you to buy his daughter.

Buy his daughter? I don't even drink their water.

Inside, men.

Sadie's, where the elite meet and greet.

- Good evening, Sadie. - Hello, Foster.

Yeah, I'd like to have a little piece of this action.

Here we go.

Look.

What do you do, get a cut for bringing us in, sarge?

That's right. I'm working my way through college, correspondence course.

- What are you studying, Sergeant? - Majoring in Greek philosophy, sir.

A pay-off, huh?

The Greeks must have a word for guys like you, Foster.

Pornoyeras. The Greeks have a word for everything.

What are you trying to do? Give up smoking?

I just don't want to start.

Hey, the liquor list.

They give you that to make you feel at home.

No matter what you order, you get butterfly wine. That's all they've got.

Make it six.

So, who'll know you broke training, Left Field?

There was a guy, a guy I played Class D ball with,

he hit.375 one year and the next year he was drinking.

- Now, he's out of organized ball. - Six drinks.

There's Mr. Chips.

What's he drowning?

- Nothing. He's in the third stage, that's all. - What?

The first four months you're in China, you catch up on reading.

The second four months, you catch up on women.

Next to the old man, he's the senior officer here.

This is his tenth month.

- What happens in the fourth stage? - I don't know, sir.

No one's lasted that long yet.

Count me in.

Hello!

Hi, sweetie.

Her name is Two-Lotus, a good, hard-working girl.

Supports a large family, I hear.

Buy me a drink?

Here, buy yourself a couple of drinks.

Why you no like me anymore? It's no fun drinking alone.

Here. Get yourself some company.

- Leaving early, Captain? - I got here early.

- Very pretty and not much money. - What's very pretty?

- Girl. You like? - Sure, I like girls.

I have.

That's all.

- Must have money. - Money. Plenty of money.

Enough?

- Yes. - Okay. Where's the girl?

- You wait. I bring. - I wait. You bring.

- Now yours. - Mine?

- No, thanks. - You're welcome.

- You keep. - You're welcome.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

- Ellington? - Just a minute, Captain Joe.

- Ellington. - Later, Captain Joe. Very busy now.

What do you mean, "'Later, busy"'? Come back here! Ellington!

Look, you're gonna have to get out of here, and take those flowers with you.

Ellington.

Look, I told you, the next time I caught you smoking,

I was gonna give you a spanking.

- Now, why do you do it? - I'm nervous.

Well, you're gonna be... The next time you get nervous,

go over and get yourself a piece of chocolate.

What's the good of my keeping chocolates around the place

if you're gonna keep snitching cigarettes.

Nothing like a little workout before breakfast, huh, Cliff?

- Morning, Father. - Morning, Cliff.

Now, look, the next time you get nervous, go right over there

and get yourself a piece of chocolate, understand?

- Now I'm nervous. Hi, Pops. - Hello, Tantse. Coffee ready, Cliff?

- Right. Sit down, Father. - Thank you.

I picked up a couple of great stories for you in Calcutta.

Good. The sisters always look forward to your little trips.

Whole breakfast ready this morning. Captain buy himself girl.

I see.

Now, look, Father, you got me all wrong. At least give me more credit than that.

I've always given you credit, Cliff, for a lot of things.

- All right, all right. So I had a few drinks. - I know.

Well, I better be getting back to town.

I promised Sister Anne I'd pick up her parrot at the vet's,

and I've got a few purchases to make.

Well, at least finish your coffee. I'll get her out of here today.

I'll have more time for coffee tomorrow.

Eat.

- What's this? - Breakfast. Sunflower seeds and noodles.

Ellington, get rid of her.

You sure change mind quick.

- What I do with her? - That's your problem.

But be sure she's not here when I get back.

American, what eat?

Mornings? Aspirin, mostly.

A job for you? Here?

I don't know. Maybe deal off.

Hey, Pops!

- Hi, Father. - How are you, Cliff?

I thought I heard you drive up, and I'll be with you in just a minute.

Hey, you're getting reckless.

That last move only took you four days.

Ellington said you wanted to see me.

Yes, I do.

What's that?

That's a saxophone. It belonged to one of the fliers that got shot down.

Sister Roberta learned to play that thing all by herself.

Thought it might amuse the children.

- Where did she get that song? - Oh, lying around the canteen, I guess.

- I hope she didn't pick up the lyrics, too. - I don't think so. Never heard any.

- Well, that's just as well. - Oh?

What's your problem, Father?

Not mine, Cliff. Yours.