Cinderella

Cinderella.

I want in, someone.

Hurry, just get that milkman and jerk off that goat.

Get me some fresh milk.

Yesterday, milk was curdled.

If the Lady of Avon comes, get me one of everything.

I you get another wash, you can have the water

to wash your hair.

You know there's a water shortage.

And then you'll take in more laundry from the neighbors.

We need the money.

Don't make you another wig of your sister's.

Keep working, work keep your mind off sex.

Oh look.

This baby is daydreaming again.

I wonder what about.

Probably about all kinds of dirty and degenerate dogs.

Dingling and dangling about her.

She mopes through her dreary day.

I think it's naughty.

I should say, if you didn't if you ask me,

which I know you're about to do.

Shirking her little duties again.

Disgrace all.

Marbella, Marbella.

Give it a little two.

Do you know, that a not so little birdie

told me that it was none other than little ass.

Rella over there that told mama we go out at night.

I never did any such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

I did no such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

I did no such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

Really, Cinderella, you are such a bore.

You always force us to behave so unpleasantly to you.

I think that even a tour most unpleasant,

we're not at all that unpleasant, actually.

Are we?

Are we Cinderella?

Well, I...

Talk.

You think like a snail.

Honestly, why don't you go old and die

before you would answer a perfectly simple question.

Or was the question, never mind, whatever she would answer

would be a bore.

Drucella, dear.

We mustn't forget about Cinderella's indiscretion tip.

Mama, it was unforgivably naughty.

She must be punished, mustn't she?

Of course.

How else will she ever learn?

Let's see.

She can wash our dresses.

And they must be perfectly pressed, do you hear?

Perfectly pressed.

Cinderella, sweep the ashes from the fireplace

Cinderella, wash and scrub up the entire place

Cinderella, polish every little widget

Sit up straight girl, don't you fuss and don't you fidget

And I wonder if I have to face this scorn

Yes, I wonder just why I was ever born

Times when I want to cry, I spy a rainbow

When life is gray, the flowers start to bloom

Or when a chilling wind begins the rain flow

I take a moment to remind me

Someone will come along and find me

Suddenly I can smile away the gloom

Cinderella, braid my hair and just for kickers

Cinderella, darn my hose and iron my knickers

Cinderella, you're a good-for-nothing wretch, girl

Where's my girdle

Goodness sake's, go run and fetch girl

And I wonder, is this all I'll ever be

Yes, I wonder, is there nothing more to see

When I am cold, the morning sun will warm me

When I am sad, the birds begin my song

And when, at times, my life begins to scorn me

I take a moment to remind me

Someday he'll come along and find me

And the time goes by and I am strong

Sometimes I think in a wink of an eye it'll happen

Life rearranges and changes tomorrow's tune

But just when I'm caught Ina thought, I remember tomorrow

And just like today, it will be on its way too soon

So I can't be down too long or stay too lonely

For nothing can be as awful as it seems

When things go wrong, I know that I have only

To take a moment to remind me

Someone will come along and find me

And we'll be forever inside my dreams

Just a second, we're going.

Faster Cinderella, faster.

No, slower, Cinderella.

Faster.

Slower.

Faster.

Slow.

Oh boy, oh boy.

Chamberlain, Chamberlain.

Come here at once.

Yes, my liege.

It's a whopper.

I will summon the Queen immediately.

No, you fool.

Fetch me my baggy pants.

I'm taking this one into town.

Too late, my Lord.

Good morning, your Majesty.

Good morning.

Chamberlain, leave us.

We have private business to discuss.

Clod.

What is it you want, your Highness.

Your Highness indeed, you horny little jack off.

But what do you want, my Queen?

Next month, our son will reach his 21st birthday.

Well this calls for a double celebration, I would say.

A double celebration?

21 years ago was the last time you had

a royal boner.

Really?

If you had been in here a few minutes ago,

you wouldn't be so quick to judge me.

But I'm not talking about pierced hard on.

Oh, oh, don't hurt me, don't hurt me.

Consider this pleasure.

Let's get down to business.

Now I don't mind preparing the ball

but one thing I will not do, and I don't know

how capable you are, and that is tell him

the facts of life.

The boy knows absolutely nothing about sex.

There was a time when my scepter would climb

Whene's a sweet lass came my way

If the damsel was built, the tilt of my kilt

Was a bold invitation to play

But now the thrill's faded, his Highness is jaded

I'm rather a sad, royal bloke

Girls plead for the chance to fondle my lance

And I just fall asleep in mid-stroke

With many of them, I have tried S and M

But I get no kick from the pain

And though you may think I'm not one for a kink

I once made it with a Great Dane

I can't raise a bulge in my tunic

Per chance I'm becoming a eunuch

Or am I headed straight for the day

When I'm blissfully happy and gay?

I've known more delights than King Arthur has Knights

My sex life is legend to some

But I've lost my touch and I dread it very much

The day when my Kingdom won't come

Kingdom won't come

My Kingdom won't come

Can't get my Kingdom to come

I don't care if the Prince can't come.

My pee-pee's getting very hard.

Hi Majesty the kind and Her Highness the Queen

proclaim a great ball.

In honor of the birthday of the Prince

who will choose a bride.

A bride.

From all the fair maidens of the land.

We gotta get ready for the ball.

Forget it, you're pregnant.

Is your father about?

My business is with him.

He's out setting beaver traps, my Lord.

Beaver traps?

There's no beaver in this part of the country.

What do you call this then, my Lord?

The fern.

A bush?

A bush?

A beaver, my Lord.

Beaver?

Fern, bush, beaver?

Bush, beaver, fern.

Then put your beaver next to her bush.

Yes, my Lord.

Now that's a fern.

Ere here, ere here, my Lord.

What are you doing?

With me two lovely birds.

Birds, birds, birds.

It was a hot and long journey, I thirst,

I stop for a pot of water.

For you, sir.

Invitations from his royal Highness the Prince,

inviting your daughters to the great ball

in honor of his birthday.

The Prince is born.

The Prince is born, my little birds.

Oh, we broke the balls, eh, now.

You're so gorgeous,

you drive me insane.

And you, my lovely, I could eat you up, you're so scrummy.