Hemlock Grove

Oh, you're so weird, Roman.

But I like it.

Shh.

You don't know my name.

Oh.

Sorry.

You don't like that?

Oh, no, baby.

It's tres kinky.

Hmm.

This is too much.

You know my name?

You're the kid in the candy store.

This is the part where you leave.

OK, girls. Are we ready?

- Yeah! - Yes!

And go!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Jump, 7, 8.

Go 1, 2... strong arms...

3, 4, 5, 6.

Jump, 7, 8.

Go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, jump.

Go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... last jump...

7, 8.

Woo!

So particle physics.

What does that mean?

In essence, we are starting with Einstein's theory

of relativity.

We're moving on to the big bang theory.

And then, it goes right back to what I said before...

particles.

So it means the particles of the largest structure

are equal to the particles of the smallest structure.

Any questions?

Ms. Bluebell.

This was not as accessible to lay readers as you said.

I believe what I said was, more accessible to lay readers.

And if you think that's not true,

I'd be happy to lend you my master's thesis.

You didn't like it?

I loved it.

There's just so much more happening

than what you think you see.

Well, why don't you keep it?

Really.

I insist.

Here.

Is there a house?

I think it's half a house.

Uh-huh?

It's home sweet home.

Let's get, uh, cozy.

OK.

Hello, neighbor.

Oh, man, Vince.

He was sad when he was sober.

Vince was sober?

Yeah, when it counted.

We're in business.

Ugh.

- I'm gonna go for a walk. - OK.

Go to town.

Yeah.

Hang those herbs up, though, before you go.

Oh, man.

Oh, this is just...

oh, baby.

Bye, Mom.

Perfect timing.

- Hey. - Huh?

Mommy's little thief.

- Where's the, uh... - Oh, yeah.

Thing?

I put all of our tools in here, OK?

You didn't need my help at all to clean up this place.

Oh, I cleaned!

Looks pretty nice.

You know what they say about pearls before swine?

- Uh, no. - Oh.

Well, I'll tell you later.

I cooked pork chops, but...

It's OK.

OK.

To our new home.

Oh!

Mil truj.

You're a Gypsy.

And you're a stalker.

Seen you swimming in my grandparents' pond.

So you've seen me naked.

I don't care.

It's just that I'm a novelist, so it's important to me

to understand people's motivations.

Ah, you're a novelist, huh?

Impressive.

Why swim in their pond when the river's right there?

Ah.

Because the river's polluted as balls.

And to get your facts straight, I'm only a half-breed...

technically.

My grandfather, Nicolai, he was full Kalderash Roma

from the Carpathians, but he came to the States

and he married a gadje woman.

What does any of that mean?

It means us Rumanceks will forever ride the Earth on two

horses, with only one ass.

You want a beer?

Beer kills brain cells.

Ah.

Lucky some of us have extra, then.

Well, then the guy who used to live here must have been...

a rocket scientist.

What happened to him?

Vince, my uncle, died of alcohol poisoning.

Do you worship the devil?

Do we worship the devil, she says.

Each point represents an element.

The topmost being the sole.

Plus, looks fucking metal.

What?

Are you a werewolf?

Now we know who your literary influences are.

Are you gonna find me a vampire to have

a sexless threeway with?

Gross.

But your index and middle fingers are the same length.

And they say that makes you a werewolf.

Jesus.

Where did you get something like that?

I don't know.

TV or whatever.

So are you a werewolf or what?

Sure.

Are you a retard?

No.

My heightened werewolf senses indicate otherwise.

I don't think you're supposed to use that word.

Yeah.

"Werewolf" is pretty racist.

I prefer "sexy man-beast."

Again, gross.

I mean "retard."

I know what you meant.

That's Tom.

Tom?

He's my friend's dad.

He's cool.

I go to school with his kids.

No.

Know when to say when.

You're weird.

There's the door.

And kind of mean.

But good material.

I'm a patron of the arts.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Jesus.

Do the fields need tilling?

As much as it pains me to deprive.

Monsieur of his customary 14 hours, he has an appointment.

Oh, shit.

I completely spaced.

I told Letha I'd squire her to the amusement park later.

Take it tomorrow.

School starts tomorrow.

Precisely why you need new clothes.

I don't need new clothes.

It's taken me 17 years to perfect my look, all right?

Apparently not enough time to learn the distinction

between vintage and old.

These rags are retired.

You're going shopping.

Isn't Norman saying that, in this economy,

we need to be backing off on the conspicuous

consumption front?

It makes us unsympathetic.

And I suppose if your uncle Norman lent you.

"The Communist Manifesto," we'd have

to find recipes for borscht.

May I, darling?

Roman, you're an adult. More or less.

If you'd rather spend the day with your cousin

than your mother, just say so.

I'd rather hang out with Letha.

Of course, darling.

Now, I'm not sure Norman would approve,

but I've arranged a small surprise for indulging

your poor old mother.

Last day of your summer vacation.

You rented out Pennsylmania?

I did.

All right.

Hey, girls.

Hello.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, thank God.

I could eat a phone book.

They don't make those anymore.