Whatever It Takes

What'd you do last night? You know, the usual:

What'd you do last night? You know, the usual:

Had the driver take me shopping, hit a couple clubs.

Then I wound up at some after-hours talking fashion with the Beastie Boys. You?

I picked up Ashley grant in the Ferrari,

had dinner at one of my restaurants, mm-hmm.

Reluctantly made an appearance at some v.I.P. Awards show party.

You know, same old thing. Right.

Watched TV and made a mix tape.

- Played the accordion. -

Thanks, dad.

Thanks, dad.

Ryan, I'm only saying this because we're friends,

but you need to get over this Ashley grant thing.

Because? You've been into her forever, and it's just not healthy.

You're obsessed or something. So?

So, Ryan, every guy in school likes her.

You'd get crushed.

Hmm. Here comes the steamroller now.

Hi, Ashley.

Whoa. yo, baby. Oh, hi!

Yeah.

Hey, Ashley. Yeah.

There she is.

Hey, Ashley.

Whoa!

Did you see that?

- Are you okay? -

Ashley grant wants me.

Hey.

Hey, Floyd. You know what? I'm gonna miss this place.

I'm gonna miss this place: The games, the parties,

all these lovely women diggin' me.

All but one of them.

All but one of them.

Maggie Carter.

Breaks my heart. But I still got four weeks.

Come on, man. How many times you gonna ask her out?

And be completely shut down. This time I got a plan.

Oh! Sorry about... Your mouth.

That's the first complaint I've had about it so far.

That's the first complaint I've had about it so far.

"sorry about your mouth."

What the hell is wrong with me?

You suck with women, especially fine ones like Ashley grant.

Way to go, champ. Thanks.

Relax, Ryan. It could be worse.

Oh, really?

Speaking of, your mom's on stage in her nurse's outfit.

- Hi. - Hi, Mrs. woodman.

attention, everyone.

attention, everyone.

Could you please take your seats?

Everybody find your seats quickly, please.

We have a very exciting lecture today,

and I'm sure you won't want to miss it. Watch this.

You're gonna get dissed.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Oh, gotta pay the toll.

You want me to kick you in the face?

That depends. Would you be naked?

School's almost out, and you're still saying no to me, Carter.

Say it isn't so.

Say it isn't so.

Really, man. The master has lost his touch.

Hello, everyone.

I'm Katie woodman, school nurse,

and since summer's approaching...

I thought I'd talk to you a little bit about safe sex.

As you know, the safest route is abstinence.

But if you're going to be sexually active,

there's a few things that you need to know.

Okay?

Okay?

Where is it?

All right.

Speaking of wood, man. Yeah!

That from mommy's personal collection?

Shut up.

Those of you who may not know, this is the penis.

Okay, this is the male sexual organ... come to my house after school.

Okay, this is the male sexual organ... come to my house after school.

You want to? I'm having some friends over. It will be fun.

The penis also carries urinary responsibility.

I can't. I got plans.

That means that this goes hand in hand with...

The latex condom.

Yeah!

- - Oh, man.

To be effective, it needs to be pulled down all the way.

God, that was like a bad dream.

Every man needs a dream,

and mine is to become the next Virgil Doolittle.

You know what he got expelled for?

Yeah, he stole gilmore's neck. That's right.

Cooper gilmore has no neck all because of Virgil Doolittle.

He got arrested. And was charged with mayhem.

Mayhem! How cool is that? The man's a legend.

The man went to prison, Floyd. Allegedly.

And besides, who cares? It's been 21 years, and Doolittle lives on.

And besides, who cares? It's been 21 years, and Doolittle lives on.

You know, a recent survey showed that most women do prefer a man of danger.

What's up, cosmo? How's it going? Cool.

Hey. What's up?

Hey. What's up?

Do you think accordion players have groupies? I mean, really good ones.

Why do you ask? It's three weeks to prom.

Oh, that's right. I don't know, I think it might be nice to go.

I figured, who better to go with than my lifelong neighbor...

Best buddy and partner in crime?

- No prospects, huh? - Have you seen me with any lately?

- You gonna make me beg? - Yeah, maybe a little.

- You gonna make me beg? - Yeah, maybe a little.

Guess you'll have to go stag with Floyd and the boys.

- No, you got yourself a date. - Thanks, Ryan.

I should be thanking you.

Good night.

One out now. Here we go!

I hear you're going to prom with Maggie. Are you?

Where'd you hear that?

Stand up there, Betty boop. It's all over school.

Maggie told me. You excited?

Woodman my ass. You got no lumber.

You're stickless. You got no stick.

- Floyd, it's Maggie. - Maggie's fine.

Dig in now here. Closer.

Look, I know everything there is to know about Maggie.

- Closer. - It would be like kissing my sister.

Which isn't a terrible thing in some parts of the world.

Walk it off.

Hey. How many fingers?

Hey. How many fingers?

Eleventy-seven? Close enough.

Serrin, come on, you're next. Let's go.

Are you okay? Yeah.

The coach hit you. Asshole. Ow!

Let's get out of here. walk it off.

I got a surprise for you, buddy.

Where the hell we going? Right on time for the floor show.

- Can we come in? - It's 20 bucks.

- Can we come in? - It's 20 bucks.