Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes

I'm exposed and it's no big surprise

Don't you think I know exactly where I stand

This world is forcing me to hold your hand

'Cause I'm just a girl Well, little old me

Well don't let me out of your sight

Oh, I'm just a girl

All pretty and petite

So don't let me have any rights

Oh I've had it up to here

The moment that I step outside

So many reasons for me to run and hide

I can't do the little things I hold so dear

'Cause it's all those little things that I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be

'Cause they won't let me drive late at night

Oh, I'm just a girl Guess I'm some kind of freak

'Cause they all sit and stare with their eyes

Oh, am I making myself clear

I'm just a girl

I'm just a girl in the world

- How much is this, Lori? - It's very expensive.

It's very expensive.

Look, I got money to spend in here.

I don't think we have anything for you. You're obviously in the wrong place.

Please leave.

You know, even though we've watched "Pretty Woman" like 36 times...

- I never get tired of making fun of it. - Oh, I know.

Aww, poor thing. Look! They won't let her shop.

Yeah, like those salesgirls in Beverly Hills aren't bigger whores than she is.

I know!

Oh, my God, listen to that sad, sad music as she leaves.

It's like, boo-hoo. Uhh.

But it is actually kind of sad.

Anything you see here we can do, by the way. Get ready to have some fun, okay?

- Okay. - Mary Pat, Mary Kate, Mary Frances, Tovah.

- Let's see it, come on! Let's see the outfit. - How divine!

Exactly how obscene--

I just get really happy when they finally let her shop.

Okay, so I have nothing to wear.

We don't even have time to make anything new before we go out.

Well, what about this?

- Did you lose weight? - Actually, I have been trying this new fat-free diet I invented.

All I've had to eat for the past six days are Gummi Bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.

God, I wish I had your discipline.

- This is it - Work this

- Diddy-bum diddy-bum pow - Here it is

I can't believe how cute I look!

I know! You know what? This is like the cutest we've ever looked.

Oh, it's definitely the cutest. Don't you love how we can just say that to each other...

- and we know that we're not being conceited? - Oh, I know.

No, we're just being honest.

- Be my lover, Want to be my lover - Lover

Go ahead and take your time Boy you got to feel secure

Before I make you mine Baby you have to be sure

You want to be my lover Want to be my lover

God. I hope some cute guys get here tonight. They were cute last night.

- Oh, they were cute. - Really cute! - Oh!

- Hey, Michele! Romy! - We'll take two Diet Cokes?

Right, with extra cherries. Don't move. I'll be right back.

Okay. I have the yuckiest taste in my mouth from those taquitos.

- Eeew. - I hope I don't get indigestion.

Hey, remember that time I barfed from bad Mexican food? It was so gross.

- Oh, my God, I hate throwing up in public. - Me too! Ooh.

I can't believe it. There are absolutely no guys here tonight.

I know. None.

Come on, Michele, let's just go dance with ourselves.

Okay.

Put your hands in the air

'Cause there's a party over here So grab yourself a beer

And we could get on with the world

Swear to God. Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.

You want to try and have sex sometime? Just to see if we are?

What? Yeah, right, Michele. Just the thought of having sex with another woman creeps me out.

But if we're not married by the time we're 30, ask me again.

- Okay. - Tell me can you feel the

Masked girls coming with the fever, fever, fever

Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh Staying alive, staying alive

Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh Staying alive, staying alive

Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh Staying alive, staying alive

Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh Staying alive, staying alive

Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh Staying alive, staying alive

- Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh - Two-four-three.

- Staying alive - Two-four-three.

Two-four-three.

Two, four, three.

Two, four, three.

Service. Number 243.

It's beautiful. Is that real wood?

During this century, boys.

Come on, Ramon. Quit jerking off and bring the car around.

- It's about time. - Mm. Romy!

You are looking hot today.

Yeah. That's because I'm sweating like a pig in here.

Well, the air conditioning is working in the service office.

You might want to come by and, uh, cool off later?

Yeah, Ramon. That'll happen.

Sorry, ma'am. He is such an asshole.

Mm.

- I'm in a hurry. - Well--

I'm going as fast as I can, Ms Mooney. Heather.

Heather Mooney?

From Sagebrush High in Tucson?

- Yeah? - It's Romy!

- Romy White! - You're shitting me.

No, this is so weird. I didn't know you were living in L.A.

Well, now that you know, will we be getting together a lot?

So, God! You're driving a new Jaguar?

- What do you do? - Ever hear of Lady Fair cigarettes?

- The ones that burn down real fast? - "Twice the taste, in half the time, for the gal on the go"?

I invented the quick-burning paper.

Wow!

- You going to the reunion? - What reunion?

Our ten-year high school reunion in Tucson?

You're kidding me. It's been ten years since high school?

- God. Where have I been? - I'm stumped. Where?

- Anyway, are you going? - I'd rather put this out in my ass.

I wonder why we didn't get an invitation.

I mean, I'm sure Michele would have told me if she got one.

- Michele Weinberger? - Mm-hmm.

- Do you live with Michele Weinberger? - Yeah.

I just thought maybe she'd be married to Sandy by now.

- Sandy Frink? - Yes, Sandy Frink.

He could barely contain his erection every time she was around.

Why do you think he always carried that huge notebook?

The Frink-a-zoid and Michele, I am sure.

Besides, didn't you have a thing for Sandy in high school?

I did not have a "thing." I did not have a "thing." I did not have a "thing."

I was very much in love with him.

Very much in love, and there's a difference.

There's a difference.

There's a difference.

I have to go now.

Well! I guess I won't be seeing you at the reunion.

- But I'll tell everyone you said "hi." - Why don't you tell everyone...

I said to go fuck themselves, for making my teen years a living hell?

Oh, yeah, right!

Finally--

Michele. You will never guess who I just ran into.

- God, I cannot believe it's already been ten years. - I know.

- Oh. - You know... - There she is.

Oh! God, she was so weird.

- She still is. - Why was she, like, always going behind that building?

It was long ago

Seems like yesterday

Saw you standing in the rain

- Then I heard you say - Got a light?

- I want your love But it comes out wrong - Thank you.

- I want to live, but I don't belong - Thank you! Thank you, I really appreciate that...

because I'm not a human being or anything, you pathetic turd!

Blood and roses Blood and roses

Blood and roses

- Roses, roses - There should be a cigarette you could smoke all the way through between classes.

What a waste.

- Okay. - Find us. - Oh. Okay.

Oh, my God, do you remember what a big controversy it was...

for us to have our picture taken together?

Yeah, well, Danny Weller, like, "lodged the complaint," and, you know--

'Cause, "alphabetically, he's supposed to be between us."

And then we said, "Okay, Danny. If you want to be between us...

you can come to Michele's house on Friday night, and we'll be waiting."

That's right. He came over and we're like, "Danny, it was a joke."

I know! And then we turned the sprinklers on him!

Oh, my God. Didn't he die?

- I think so. - Yeah.

- Oh, my God. Michele. Look at the "A" group. - Mm-hmm.

Christie Masters, Kelly Possenger...

Lisa Luder and Cheryl Quick.

So, who would you say was in the "B" group?

Oh. The drama crowd. You know, like Casey Degan and Mark Black.

- Uh-huh. God, I had the hugest crush on Casey. 'Member? - Oh, yeah.

God, I wonder why he never liked me.

Young man, there's no need to feel down

I said, young man--

So, what group would you say we were in?

Well, we definitely weren't in the "A" group.

But you know what? We weren't really in the "B" group, either.

Okay, we weren't in the "C" group, were we?

What? Oh, no. Michele, come on. I mean, that was like, all the honour students and like...

the rejects; you know, like Sandy Frink and Heather Mooney.

- Eeew, look at them. - We were definitely not in that group.

- Ecch. - She blinded me with Science

Michele! Oh, Michele. Over here!

Want me to get your huge notebook for you?

Oh! Heather! I want to take another picture of you and Sandy for the yearbook and--

Oh! I want to interview you too...

because I think it would make a really interesting article for the "Roundup."

Ohh, Toby! Fuck off.

Okay. But can I take a picture of you first?

So, Romy, what group were we in?

Well, you know, I'm not sure that we were really in any group.

I think maybe we were more like loners.

- Oh, my God! There we are! - Yeah, and alone. Look.

You know, even though I had to wear that stupid back brace, and you were kind of fat...

we were still totally cutting edge.

- I love it when it's hamburger day. - Uh-huh.

Okay, smile! Great! Thanks a lot!

- Can I take your picture? - Oh, please. - Hello, girls.

Don't forget, you have detention after school today.

- Oh, we won't, Mr Lish. - Yeah, we're really looking forward to it.