Desperate Housewives

Previously on Desperate Housewives...

Tom moved out of the house.

Tom and I are separating.

No.

After covering up a murder,

Gaby warned Bree it was a bad time

to be dating a cop.

Get rid of Chuck! But you've got to end this,

and you've got to end it now.

Bree showed the mysterious letter to Paul,

who'd seen one like it before.

I mentioned the letter to the police.

The main detective was a tall guy

with a short name like, uh, Pence.

- Was it Vance? Chuck Vance? - That's it.

Carlos struggled with remorse...

I just want us to get back to normal.

We're never going back to normal!

And discovered he wasn't the only one feeling guilty.

It is nice to be able to talk about this.

You wanna get some coffee?

Susan Delfino and Carlos Solis

had never been the best of friends.

Susan thought Carlos paid too much attention

to other people's opinions.

And Carlos thought Susan didn't pay attention at all.

Over the years, they'd never had much to say to one another.

But one night, Susan found herself troubled by thoughts

she couldn't share with her spouse.

While two doors down,

Carlos was in the same predicament.

And that's how it came to pass

that two people who'd never had much to say to one another

suddenly found...

they had a great deal to talk about.

So I leave the office, walk into the parking garage,

and... there he is.

Alejandro.

Right in front of me.

I practically jump out of my skin.

Then I turn around again.

It's just some guy getting into his car.

This is not me.

I can't sleep. I'm seeing ghosts.

I feel like...

I'm walking around with a neon sign on my forehead,

flashing "Guilty, guilty,"

and everybody can see it.

Sometimes I think I'm losing it.

Me, too.

I was getting ready to deck the guy.

Can you imagine?

Can I imagine?

I assaulted a cop, remember?

Oh, yeah. What happened with that?

15 hours of community service.

And I can't tell Mike.

It's one more thing I'm lying to him about.

Well, I can talk to Gaby, but she's sick of listening.

That's what this makes this feel so...

I know.

Can I tell you something?

When I went out walking tonight,

I was kind of hoping I'd run into you.

I was kinda hoping that, too.

You're kidding. You've never read "To Kill a Mockingbird"?

In my school, if you read a book,

it was more like "To Kill a Sophomore."

Well, you would love it. Um, it's about a guy

who tries to hang on to his sense of right and wrong

when the system fails him.

Gee, I don't get that at all.

Oh. Your jacket. Thank you.

Yes, Susan and Carlos

were starting to pay attention to one another.

Good night.

But what they didn't realize

was that someone else was paying attention, too.

Wisteria Lane may look flawless,

but that's only because its residents

are so good at concealing imperfections.

They know how to make something old look new again...

how to make an embarrassing mistake disappear...

how to make a poor showing look like a modest victory...

and how to make a friend feel better

after she's gone through a messy breakup.

Gaby, how thoughtful.

It's from that new place, Skinny Berry.

Tastes like a milkshake but only 18 calories.

And I figured you could use a little pick-me-up

after you dumped Chuck.

Yeah, well, about that...

Morning, women.

Morning.

Oh, is that... is that from Skinny Berry?

You know, the fraud unit's all over that place, right?

Apparently those things are like pure ice cream.

Huh! Guess you can't trust anybody.

Have a good day.

All right, I know what you're gonna say...

Three words... first word, "You're,"

third word, "Crazy,"

middle word... what you keep doing to that guy!

You don't understand.

Damn right I don't.

You said you were gonna dump him.

I was.

But... I think Chuck wrote the letter.

The "I know what you did" letter?

What makes you think that?

I spoke to Paul Young, and...

Whoa, whoa. Why would you talk to Paul?

To find out who else knew about Mary Alice's letter,

and he said that when he confessed to killing Martha Huber,

Chuck was there.

Okay, but why would Chuck blackmail you?

He's already got the milk and the cow.

No offense. Just what else could he want?

Maybe he wants to control me.

Maybe he wants money. I don't know.

You've gotta start snooping.

- What? - Yeah. Go through his stuff,

hack into his e-mails, listen in on his phone calls.

I can't do that.

You have to, Bree.

Until we know what Chuck knows... exactly what he knows,

it's not just you who's in danger.

It's all of us.

How's that pressure?

Ohh, perfect, and remember, Friedrich,

I've hidden your tip somewhere on my body.

It's up to you to find it.

Go away!

Renee! I need you.

Lee?

I am in crisis. I am at my wit's...

Well, hello.

Lee McDermott. Nice to meet you.

I'm Friedrich.

Ooh, like in "The sound of music"?

Nothing? Okay. He plays for your team.

Anyway, I need a huge favor.

I don't do favors. You know that.

It's for Jenny.

Oh, your daughter?

- Yeah. - No.

Oh, please.

I am desperate.

When Bob and I adopted her,

we agreed that I would take care of the "Time of the month" talk,

and Bob would handle all things bra.

Well, that bastard is in Tokyo,

and the boobie fairy has arrived.

The boobie fairy?

See why I should not be the one handling this?

I was hoping... maybe you could take her shopping?

Oh, man up. It's just a bra.

They terrify me.

Too many numbers and letters and colors,

and it's my little girl growing up,

and I can't deal.

Ohh, yes.

So you'll do it?

No, he just found his tip.

Renee!

Fine. I'll take her, but only for an hour,

and no small talk.

Oh, bless you.

I will never forget you for this. Mwah.

Look! Ricky Martin! Eating a banana!

Just checking.

Oh, please come with us. You've bra shopped with Penny.

And maybe one of your older boys, if I'm guessing right.

I can't. I have plans.

Oh, that's right. Tom's got the kids,

and you have this whole place to yourself.

What are you gonna do?

Oh, sweetie.

Some man who's not married to you

is gonna have to see that body soon. Do not do this.

It's not for me. My sister's coming.

Lydia? The disaster?

Yeah. Out of the blue, she called

and says she wants to visit. You know what that means.

She got dumped.

After loaning him a lot of money.

And finding out he's married.

In two states. So... I gotta get the whole toolkit ready

so after she crash-lands here, I can pick up the pieces.

Uh, I'm going out the back door.

I hate to see people crying.

It reminds me how little I actually care about others.

Coming!

Oh, hi.

- Lynnie. - Ohh.

You look...

You look fantastic.

You thought I'd be my usual blubbery mess

of snot and tears, didn't you?

What? No.