WandaVision

Previously on WandaVision...

You made no effort to conceal your abilities.

- Well, I'm tired of hiding, Vis. - What aren't you telling me?

You have to stop her.

Just make her stop!

- You can't control me the way you do them. - Can't I?

She has the world's only vibranium synthezoid

playing Father-Knows-Best-In-Suburbia.

What happens when he learns the truth?

You've taken an entire town hostage.

Well, I'm not the one with the guns, Director.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I had a brother.

His name was Pietro.

He was killed by Ultron.

Long lost bro get to squeeze his stinkin' sister to death or what?

She recast Pietro?

Halloween's a magical holiday.

All about family, friends,

and the thrill of getting to be someone else for a day.

Wrong! Halloween's about candy.

And scaring people, but mostly candy.

Where's your costume, Tommy?

This is my costume. I'm the cool twin.

- What does that make me? - Hmm...

Whoa!

A dorksaurus rex.

Not a real dinosaur.

Man

He even snores cool.

- I'm gonna go wake him up. - Don't!

You scared?

He's our uncle. Why would I be scared?

'Cause it's four o'clock in the afternoon.

You're secretly afraid he's a vampire.

- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Blood is thicker than water! I show you!

Oh! Somebody better be bleeding, broken, or on fire.

Whoa, Mom.

Are you old Red Riding Hood?

I'm a Sokovian fortune teller.

Wow. That is so...

- Rad. - ... lame.

"Lame".

Worse than the costumes mom made us the year we got typhus.

That's not exactly how I remember it.

You probably suppressed a lot of the trauma.

Mom has been weird since Uncle Pietro got here.

I think it's because she hasn't seen him in a long time.

And he's what you call, "a man child".

Whoa! Sweet costume bro-ham-in-law.

Let me guess. Uh, traffic light.

Half-shucked corn.

A booger!

- Yes. - Yes!

Well, thank you for humoring me

and wearing this ridiculous get-up, honey.

Well, there were no other clothes in my closet, so...

You are incorrigible, darling.

I know you have a secret thing for Mexican wrestlers.

Mi gusta mucho.

Chili con carne.

Ooh!

What do you say, boys?

Who's ready for that first hit of high fructose corn syrup?

- Yes! Headlock! - Get out of here, get out of here.

Never told me much about your brother.

I had no idea he'd be so...

Go!

Great with kids.

Yeah. He's just full of surprises.

Well, you have fun tonight, darling.

What? What do you mean? You're all dressed and ready to go.

I'm undercover.

Halloween is a bacchanal for adolescent trouble-makers

and the neighborhood watch is the only thing that stands

between the trees and the toilet paper.

- No, that's not what you're supposed to... - What?

Well...

You didn't tell me you had plans.

Well, I am telling you now.

Mom and Dad have been, not fighting, just, like, different.

It's their first Halloween. You have to be there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the big dealio?

Big guy has a conflict,

twins need a father figure for the night.

Don't sweat it, sis. I got the old XY chromosome.

Uncle P to the rescue, huh?

There you go. Problem solved.

You have a spooky time tonight, kids.

- Goodnight, Dad! - Bye, Dad.

Wanda?

Be good.

I smell crime.

Don't do that!

Where do you keep your water balloons?

What? We don't have water balloons.

Where are we gonna put all this shaving cream?

Oh.

- It was Billy's idea. - I'm Tommy.

And don't you forget it!

You don't even have a costume.

Okay, but...

Just remember that this is a respectable family.

If I see any funny business,

I am going to magic you into a pickled herring.

I wanna see a full work-up inside the hour.

- Yes, sir. - Hayward.

Hayward!

You cut us off at the knees, sending in that missile.

Now we know who we're dealing with.

Hey, there he is.

The guy who almost got murdered by his own murder squad.

You work for me?

- I actually don't know. - She's with me.

I see. And which one of you is the sassy best friend?

There is no time for you to diminish your colleagues

when you're about to start a war you can't win.

Maximoff was never gonna negotiate with us.

We take her out, this whole nightmare ends.

We don't know that.

We actually have no idea

what will happen in there or out here if Wanda dies.

So, what? We just surrender to that?

Not happening.

We can't outgun her.

And clearly antagonizing her is only making things worse.

If Wanda is the problem, she has to be our solution.

Captain Rambeau, you have become an impediment to this mission.

Constantly advocating on behalf of super-powered individuals.

Yes, I know your history with Carol Danvers.

You know, you people who left,

still have the luxury of optimism.

You have no idea what it was like.

What it took to keep the lights on.

Don't use the last five years as an excuse to be a coward.

Maybe it's a good thing you weren't here when your mother died.

Because clearly you don't have the stomach for this job.

Get her off my base. Now. All of 'em.

All right. Come on. Let's go.

Hayward is way overstepping his provisional authority.

He was looking for a reason to sideline us.

He's up to something.

Let's go. Everybody in!

Why didn't anyone tell me the plan?

- You okay? - Yeah. Let's move.

This is it. Game time.

It's not a competition, Tommy.

- It is if you're a winner. - Tommy.

Unleash hell, demon spawn.

Do you remember

when we were at the orphanage after mom and dad died?

What was the name of that kid

who was always trying to steal your boots?

You know, he was the one... He had the...

He had the skin thing.

You're testing me.

No, I'm not.

Hey, it's cool. I know I look different.

Why do you... look different?

You tell me. I mean, if I found Shangri-La,

I wouldn't wanna be reminded of the past either.

Next house, Mom.

Junior entrepreneur, over here.

How about you let Uncle P help you

maximize your candy acquisition, huh?

Yeah. Kick-ass!

"I feel the need..."

"For speed".

Kick-ass.

- Oh, hey, Herb. - Oh, hey!

How's patrol going?

Eh, quiet, so far. Hold up, will you?

Say again.

All the candy has disappeared?

What? Who took my candy?

And now all the jack-o'-lanterns have been smashed.

And now everyone's covered in silly string?

Whoo!

Sorry, Wanda, I gotta bounce.

Well, maybe Vision can help you out.

Vision? Oh, he's not on duty.

Oh! I... I thought he...

Is there something I can do for you, Wanda?

Do you want something changed?

No. It's fine. Never mind.

All right. Peace.

Hey! How's it going?

Happy Halloween.

I'm so hungry, I'd eat anything.

Hungry? I remember hungry.

I used to be like that all the time.

What did you do?

Snacked on Yo-Magic, bro.

Now I have time to hang fin.

Can I have some?

Here you go, little dude.

Yo-Magic! The snack for survivors!