Entourage

Wow, golf on a wednesday, huh, ari?

In the next life i want to come back as you.

Wish i could return the compliment, e,

But i'd rather come back as one of michael vick's dogs.

Awesome. So how's this golf game

Gonna get vince in this movie anyway, just so i'm clear?

Alan is a degenerate gambler and he's awful.

I used to take him for many dollars.

Today i am going to let him win.

And then when he feels cocky i'm gonna seize the moment.

So you're gonna bet vince into the movie?

- Yup. - I'm feeling real confident now, ari.

Your physical appearance has left you no reason to ever feel confident.

But sometimes you appear to be.

Appear to be that way for vince today and who knows,

Maybe uncle ari will deliver a present by day's end.

- Good luck, ari. - Suck it, e.

I got a 9:30 call time.

You care if i roll with drama, vin?

I just want you to be happy, turtle.

- Appreciate that. - How those want ads looking, turtle?

Depressing.

You guys think i could sell myself to old broads for cash?

Yeah, if they have vision problems.

Turtle, you really don't have to get a job.

Uh, yeah, vin, i really do.

I need a little cash in my pocket.

You got your face to land pussy. What do i got?

- A point. - I got some cash i can give you.

No way. I'm not taking anything from you when you're hurting.

Turtle, i appreciate it, but i'm not hurting that bad.

Uh, yeah, vince, you are.

It's just temporary. We all know you're gonna bounce back.

Well, let's find you a job then.

You have any ideas yet?

Really just one and it ain't in there.

What is it?

You know drama's been looking to hire an assistant.

Since i go to work with the guy half the time anyway...

What do you think?

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

Why not keep i in the family?

Could you bring it up to him?

'Cause i know if i do he's gonna give me a hard time.

- Sure. - You ready to go?

- Yeah. - Hey, johnny.

- Hey, bro. - How about hiring turtle as your assistant?

- I don't think so. - Come on, drama. It's only temporary.

- No way. - Turtle: why not?

Because what i'm looking for in an assistant you don't have.

- And what's that? - An ass i'd want to fuck.

Oh please. You haven't hired an assistant

'Cause you haven't found an ass cheap enough to work for you yet.

What's the going rate for assistants nowadays?

Well, other cast members are paying around 700.

But i won't go over 250.

- Make it 300 cash and he's in. - 300?

I'll get the rest back to you when i get a job.

- Sounds good. - Not to me it don't.

Come on.

Bro, he's never gonna be able to handle the job.

Please. I handle working for vince, i can handle working for you.

Working in fantasyland don't qualify you to run iraq.

Whatever you need, i will do, drama.

I think that means if you really want, you can fuck him.

Oh, you're just on fire today.

Come on, bro. There's no way he's ev ogonna I.

Turtle, do you promise to listen to every word he says?

Cross my heart hope to die.

Stick a needle in your eye?

And i'll take responsibility for his performance.

All right, i'll try him out for the day.

- Nice. - Come on, turtle, let's go.

Do not disappoint me.

Uh, can i get an advance?

No.

So what are we gonna do today?

I have a pitch meeting at the network with charlie.

Oh. That's cool.

You could come.

- Nah. - You sure?

Yeah.

- Hello? - I didn't do anything wrong, vin.

- I didn't do anything wrong. - Dom?

I'm really screwed, vin. I'm really screwed.

What's going on? What's wrong?

Turn on the news.

Reporter: ... involved in a high-Speed car chase...

Holy shit. Dom, is that you?

Yeah, it's me. And i don't know what to do.

Well, pull the fuck over. Yo, e, get out here.

Dom: jesus christ, i'm done, vin.

I'm done.

- What's up? - Dom.

No fucking way!

Reporter: ... this breaking story. Oh, it appears...

- Get out of the car. - I'm coming.

- Show me your hands. - I'm peaceful.

- I'm sorry, vin. I love ya. - Get out of the car.

I'm sorry for anything i ever did to you.

Dom!

I think you're gonna want to cancel your meeting.

Reporter: ... is slowly coming out of the car.

Well, looking very nice, ari.

Glad to see you still got your swing

So i'm not gonna feel too bad taking all your money.

Only time you ever took my money is when you fucked me on a deal, alan.

Well, my game's improved immeasurably over the last 10 years.

Today, i'm gonna fuck you on the course.

I look forward to that. Just like the old days when we were nobodies.

Hey, alan.

- How are you, bob? - How are you?

Good to see you. Everything good?

Yeah, i was supposed to play a round with pete bogdanovich.

He had an emergency, he didn't show up.

So figured i'd just come and whack a few balls before i go home.

At your age, the fact that you can whack anything is a miracle.

Ha ha. Always too clever for your own good, ari.

You're right about that, bob.

Wait a minute.

You annoy ari.

- Why don't you join us? - Alan.

Come on, you can talk to me about that picture you've been trying to get me to make.

- What, the ramones picture? - Sure thing.

- It's not dead? - Nothing's ever dead in this town.

You're living proof of that, bob.

That's terrific news.

Slide in, i'll ride with you.

Sorry, bob. You ride with ari.

I brought my pro today to keep me in line.

- You brought your pro, alan? - I sure did.

In fact, here he is.

Hey, partner.

Is this whose ass we're gonna kick today?

Ari gold.

Phil mickelson.

The day starts when i say it starts.

The day ends when i say it ends.

Got you, boss.

No weed smoking, no boozing.

Hey, drama. Turtle.

What's up, jimmy? How are you?

- And no cavorting. - I was just being polite.

Well, don't be.

The real reason i haven't hired an assistant

Is because i haven't found anyone who could match my intensity,

Especially while i'm creating.

I will match it. Here you go.

We'll see.

I'm gonna need you to get me breakfast while i look at my sides.

Okay, no problem. What do you want?

Fibercon raisin.

- Done. - Wait.

That's fibercon cereal with raisins added.

Gotcha.

But i want the raisons added from the raisin bran box.

I don't understand.

Pour a bowl of fibercon,

Open up a box of raisin bran,

Grab 20 or 30 raisins out of it.

Also i need half-Orange-Juice- Half-Apple-Juice

In a coffee mug with a splash of v8.

And paper-Thin banana slices,

About an eighth of an inch thick.

How am i supposed to know if they're an eighth of an inch?

You should be able to see through them.

You're fucking with me, right?

- You gonna question everything i ask today? - No no.

- 'Cause i'll tell vince. - No, you don't have to tell vince anything.

Don't make me. Now go, on the hop.

You know how angry i get when my blood sugar drops.

Charlie, listen, you're gonna have to call a cab and meet me there.

I can't believe you're doing this to me again.

You know i wanted to go over the pitch before, right?

I've got to meet you there, charlie.

All right, you can go in now.

Look, the meeting starts in less than two hours

And you're always ditching me for vince.

I know, i'm sorry. But i got to go, charlie. I will be there.

- I'll see you in a little while. - Yeah, okay.

You've got to get me out of here, vin.

Calm down, dom. Tell us what happened?

Nothing did. I panicked is all.

Panicked from what?

Maybe i was speeding. I don't know.

But a cop pulled up behind me.

I thought i had weed in the glovebox.

It's my mother-In-Law's.

It's not mine. She's got glaucoma.

But since i've been out here i got a couple of strikes

And the fear just kicked in and i ran.

- So you didn't do anything? - Nothing.

But if they charge me with evading i'm looking at 30 years.

Oh, jesus, dom.

Please, vin, you've got to get me out of here.

What do you want us to do, dom?

Want us to overtake the guards?

- Sorry. - No.

I deserved that.

But here's the thing- I've changed.