Howard the Duck

Hi, honey, this is your mother.

Listen, I know you're very busy with the new job,

but please try and call us.

Did you get the birthday sweater we sent?

We'll be home all weekend. Bye.

Howard, Jim here.

We still set for racquetball on Saturday?

Give me a shout, buddy. Bye-bye.

Hi, it's Wendy.

I had this really intense dream last night, Howie.

I was running my fingers through your feathers,

and all of a sudden...

Well, you better come over tonight

and I'll show you what really happened next.

Ciao for now, Howie.

Hey! Ricky Pate,

back with you again for lots more Dance Frenzy excitement!

Here's couple number three,

our lovely Latin dance team from Webford Falls.

Charles is a machinist first class in the Navy

and his darling wife Madge is a blackjack dealer.

Just a super job, kids.

Charles and Madge.

Come on, let's hear it for 'em, folks!

What's the matter, George?

Hmm. Jock itch again?

I've got just the thing.

Hmm.

Here. Why not take a shot of new Shorts Blaster.

Huh?

It's guaranteed to wipe out feather fungus in even the most active crotches.

Shorts Blaster.

In addition, you've won a new car!

But that's not all!

Oh, Fred, I love you so much it hurts.

Uh... He's dead!

Why can't society see...

$79.95? Forget it!

$49.99? No way!

I'm Crazy Webby, and my prices are insane!

Uh-huh.

Who'd they interview this month?

Mmm-hmm.

My little airbrushed beauty.

What?

Oh, no! It's a quake!

Hey! I can't get up!

Ahh!

What is going on here?

Casey, did you hear something?

I'm such a lucky girl

In love

Oh! Whoa!

Hey!

Wow!

The cosmos...

Countless worlds upon worlds...

Worlds without end.

In these galaxies, every possible reality exists,

and what is reality on any one world

is mere fantasy on all others.

Here, all is real and all is illusion.

What is, what was, and what will be

start here with the words,

"In the beginning there was,

"Howard the duck!"

Whoa!

Whoo!

I'm a dead duck!

Hey! Come on!

Oh, no!

Hey, Bender!

Go on in, frankenweenie!

We finally found you a date!

What is this?

Stay home, city boy

Hey, that costume don't fool me. No kids allowed!

Hey, wait a minute! That's my date!

I said out of the way!

Own sweet bed at night

No, wait!

Keep your mind off real life

You little creep! You get away from my cart, you filthy degenerate!

So, stick to television

I can make it

Here in Hunger City

Nothing's gonna stop me

I know I'll survive

I can take it

Here in Hunger City

Christ, it touched me!

What the hell is it?

I wasn't trying anything! Honest!

Step on it, will you?

So the day folds into night

You sat down in your easy chair

Oh, there! There, there.

Ha! Up and away!

Oh, no!

Are you ready for an incredible story?

Waste it, man! Waste it!

Oh, no!

Here in Hunger City

Nothing's gonna stop me

I know I'll survive

I can take it

Here in Hunger City

Even though they'd eat me

Just to stay alive

Hunger City!

Talk about a rotten day!

Hunger City!

Just saw your show! Oh, great. Thanks.

Oh, gracious lady, love your music! Hey!

Bye, now.

Can I have your autograph on my shirt?

Oh, me, too! And my shorts!

Real charming. Just go away, okay?

Hey! I'm talking to you, big rock star!

Let me go, you creep!

Hey, don't go snot-nose on us!

We're your biggest fans!

I said, let me go!

Help, somebody, help!

Help!

Come here, snot-nose!

That's it.

No more Mr. Nice Duck.

Huh?

Let the female creature go!

Huh?

Every duck's got his limit,

and you scum have pushed me over the line.

Jimmy...

Do you, like, see what I see?

A talking duck?

Yeah, that's it.

I've been doing too much toot!

Shoo! Fly away! Shoo!

No one laughs at a master of quack fu!

Jimmy, you okay?

Get off me!

You're crazy! Get out of here!

Come on, you!

You're breaking my fingers!

Now, you and Baby Face are gonna beat it.

Right, Mr. Zits?

Before I get really mad.

Come on! Let's get out of here!

This is obviously no place for an intelligent, sensitive duck.

This is unreal.

I mean, it can't be.

Thanks.

You're not really a...

A duck?

You know, this is beginning to seriously undermine my self-esteem.

I'm sorry.

I guess I should thank you for chasing those guys off.

Are you okay?

Yeah, sure. Terrific.

I just have one giant question.

Where am I?

Oh, well, uh,

the lights up there are Ninth Street

and the bus stops at the corner of Powell.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm asking, what is this place?

Uh... Cleveland.

"Cleve Land?" Uh-huh.

That's a perfect weird name for this planet.

Planet? No, no. That's the city.

The planet's...

You don't know the planet?

Oh, well.

The planet's called Earth,

I think,

and I'm obviously in some sort of terrible nightmare.