Camp

You're going to love it.

You'll swim, you'll hike, you'll earn some money.

Dad, don't leave me here, okay?

They don't even have Internet.

Hey, Kip, you see that big ball of fire in the sky?

It's the sun.

I know the past few years have been hard.

Oh, I'm missing DocuFest.

Maybe it's okay to take a break

from holocaust movies for a few months.

You'll be outdoors.

Dad, this is not going to be some coming-of-age movie, okay?

It's not going to be the greatest summer of my life.

I'm not changing who I am

to conform to some freakish, outdoorsy cult mentality.

Oh, I don't know about this place.

If you get bored, give us a call.

Rick can come get you.

No, I'm good. I'll be fine.

Love you, baby.

- I love you, buddy. - Yeah.

Can you just say that a little louder?

Hey, welcome to Little Otter Family Camp.

You guys, we have so much great stuff planned.

I want to see everybody

at the talent show on Friday night.

Don't be shy. Oh!

We have a birthday.

Declan Tracy turns seven today.

So let's give Declan

a big Little Otter Happy Birthday.

Okay.

- Hey, man. - Hey, how was your year?

Good. I got into Law school. How 'bout you?

I crewed a boat down to turks and Caicos with this rich chick,

taught some snowboarding in Aspen,

climbed Machu Picchu, ate mushrooms on the top.

- But Law school, nice. - Hey, have you seen Sarah?

Hey, dark star. I can't hear you.

That's because I'm not singing.

You're a C.I.T., a counselor in training.

It's a kid's birthday. What's your problem?

Just trying to maintain my dignit...

- No, just sing. - Ow!

Do it. Sing!

Yeah.

Okay, folks, have a great summer!

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, Mack, where's Steve?

Yeah, where's your handsome husband?

Good question, Don. Where is Steve?

Oh, Steve.

Steve's on a new path.

But you know what?

Change is good, change is what makes us grow.

And you know who is here, Don?

I am.

And I am totally up for the job.

There's brown sludge coming out of the showers.

It smells like poo.

Pool table's in the rec hall. Use it or lose it.

Cole.

Yup.

What's this gonna cost me?

I don't know yet.

Hey, that really sucks about you and Steve, huh?

Yeah.

Does that chick even speak English?

No, Cole, she's a Russian aesthetician

who doesn't speak English. But, hey,

maybe it's the universe talking.

Steve was never much of a conversationalist,

and he has psoriasis, so whoo-hoo, good for him.

So when did you and Steve stop having sex?

I'm not gonna discuss my personal life with you.

Besides, as you get older, sex becomes less important.

You replace it with more intimate experiences

like watching tv or walks or taking showers together.

If you're already in the shower,

why not just go ahead and bang?

You can't just bang all the time when you have a kid, Cole.

How is Buzz doing?

I'm super worried about him.

He's a sensitive and fragile boy.

By June 15th, I'm playing with boobs.

Both hands, full cupping.

By fourth of July, I'm going down South.

The end of summer, I'm getting laid.

Or at least a b.j. I have it all written down.

So I need a good sex-inducing assignment.

- Robbie, I'm begging. - Let's just throw this away,

man, because it is super creepy.

How does mayor of toddler town sound?

No, no, no, do not put me with those babies, Robbie.

Do not. No.

Oh!

He really needs his mom right now.

Good morning, Little Otters.

Happy first day.

You all booked up? Ridgefield is.

At all six locations.

So are we, almost.

I heard about Steve. Harsh.

It was a mutual breakup.

You know, you should come to this lecture series

I'm doing on living in the truth.

- Do you good. - No, thanks, Roger.

You sure you can run this place all by yourself?

She'll be fine.

'Cause I'm happy to take this mess off your hands.

You can stay on as manager, finally put a cell tower in.

People love their phones, Mack.

I am not selling Little Otter, Roger.

So take your big, shiny car and your stupid sunglasses

and your too tight t-shirt and leave.

Please.

God.

Okay.

You know where to find me.

Oliver, listen to me. Poison Ivy rash is very contagious.

Don't touch anyone. Or yourself.

Especially in sensitive areas.

Hey, Buzz, what's up?

A three-year-old threw up on me.

Girls love guys who are good with kids.

It's genetic.

Hey, since I'm working here this summer, paying taxes,

I believe it would be good for my growth

if I moved into boys town with the other C.I.T.S

instead of living with my mom.

Absolutely not.

I'm gonna ask dad next week when he comes.

Not his call.

- Why, mom? - Oh, Buzz.

Little Buzzy bee, it is so hard to say no to you,

but I'm totally gonna

because this is family camp, and we are a family.

We gotta stick together.

okay, you sure you know what you're doing, Mr. Gimbel?

'Cause I'm sensing some confusion.

'Sup, boys?

What's the deal with that Sarah girl? She's hot.

She's taken. For the last ten summers.

12. Go ahead. Go for it. Take a shot.

I don't know what's going on.

I haven't even talked to her yet.

They do this little dance at the beginning of every summer.

It's getting a little tedious.

Hey, Sarah.

You gave up swimming? I can't believe it.

Every day was just the same thing, Mack.

It was like groundhog day. You ever feel like that?

Well, my life just blew up,

so every day is a new and frightening experience, so...

- I'm so sorry, Mack. - Yeah.

- Steve's dumb. - Thanks, hon.

Robbie's looking at you.

- He is? - Mm-hmm.

Noah! Get back here!

That's it. Your inner tube privileges are revoked.

I'm telling your mom. No, you're not telling my mom.

Unbelievable.

Hi. I'm Buzz.

I ate a bee as a kid.

All right.

No.

I'm gonna row. You suck.

I'm kip.

Oh, I'm gonna tell your mom.

There's a tree that if you climb it,

you get reception at the top.

- Really? - Hey.

Um, this is kind of a private conversation.

Nice bathing suit, by the way.

Thanks.

O... kay.

Marina, they're all over the Internet.

If Martin scorsese asked you to do a nude scene, sure,

then we can talk, but Keanu Ramble?

He's a degenerate.

Now all the boys have seen your boobs,

and all the girls are gonna think you're a slut.

Look at that.

Let's do a float-by.

What? No.

I'm on a schedule this summer.

Labor day weekend, that raft, moonlight,

glistening nipples, I lose something I'm too old to have.

- Glistening nipples? - Watch and learn.

Buzz.

What's up, ladies?

Everyone's looking good in their bathing suits.

Hope you're all using the recommended amount of S.P.F.

All right, then.

See you around.

That was brutal.

It was awesome. We're on their radar.

- You know what we need now? - Cloak of invisibility?

Condoms.

Ridgefield guys. Stay cool.