The Under-Gifted In Vacation (Les Sous-Doués En Vacances)

At the alliance française, I flirted with a beautiful girl...

- A blue-eyed American. - "American"?

She lives in a loft. I stay there too.

Where are you?

I'm going on vacation to Vichy.

Yes. Golf!

Me, I go to our family home: Horse.

I am in the mountains. Mono in a camp: Rock climbing.

The banks of the Loire...

No no. Me, I'm going to the Seychelles with Jennifer.

You realize? Seychelles!

Don't sulk. You could have found yourself a guy to take you.

Hello, honey.

Hello, Helen. How are you?

Mr Jean-Louis Glomo,

said Paul Memphis, divorced from Annie Ferratu,

from Françoise Armand, divorced from Marie ponce,

divorced from Patricia Goldenberg, from Sylvie

Robert, divorced from Marianne Girandon,

do you agree to take Carole morel here as your wife?

Yes.

Claudia, don't quit.

Yes. I find you tired.

- Not really. - You need a vacation.

- I miss you, you know. - How nice.

- How about a change of scenery? - I'm in good shape.

We say that, then we are sick.

- Come back or I'll be sick. - You do too much.

- A vacation would do you good. - I assure you: I am in good shape.

- Are you tired of Yugoslavia? - It's not the Seychelles.

- You should go to the Seychelles. - To do what?

To relax. You have rested enough.

Go to the Seychelles. Claudia.

- I'm going to be bored, all alone. - Go with a friend.

Mamour, we will be fine, in the Seychelles:

The coconut trees, the sun...

You, me, naked on a beach...

And the other apple, in Paris, with a turtleneck and tights.

We will not stay in Paris. We will descend in the south.

"In the south"? Yuck!

The sea: A public dump. Put your left foot in the water,

it brings luck.

Anything!

What do you want me to do with it?

- For you to dive. - Me, drown!

We are going late on the plane.

Me force anyone.

Pullovers, for the Seychelles, it's not worth it.

No snow.

You give me the keys of my apartment.

- Why? - For the janitor.

Ah ok. It is for watering the plants.

Very well. You provident.

Man is a mammal. Latin "mamma": "Udder".

Hence the first word spoken by the child to the woman:

"Mama."

Association in the infant's primary brain,

which confuses its mother and its teats,

that is to say, maternal love and food.

Nothing to do with the research you commissioned me to

do, and yet, knowing that your tour starts on July 20,

how to refuse people this year?

I have the answer.

Excuse me sir.

Don't pay attention to the mess: I'm under construction.

Good. Make yourselves at home.

Don't make a mess. I'm joking!

I am going to work. Good holidays!

Anytime, you. Good bye!

I'm going to buy my scuba gear.

If ever the plane is late or

early, you call me at this number.

- Go on. Hi. - See you later, honey.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm so happy to go with him!

Me, in your place, it would do that to me too.

Johnny Weissmüller swam so well he could pull up his shower!

Good.

What am I going to wear for travel?

Jeans... or dress?

A comfortable tracksuit.

I read

that American women only traveled in tracksuits.

I do not have it.

I lend you mine.

This is an experimental love-computer,

which determines if 2 beings are made for each other.

A cat, a mouse: Let's make contact.

On the screen we can read,

thanks to a decoding system,

what their life would be like.

They are incompatible. We already knew that.

But the love-computer gives US visual proof of this.

This cat has given this cat several litters this term.

They are made for each other.

You have on stage a love-computer on a human scale.

You sing, connected to the device.

You invite your admirers to take the place of this cat.

Imagine the impact!

- So? - It suits you very well.

In your place, I would go to the hairdresser, because in the Seychelles...

Will Stephane like it?

You think! He will have the impression of leaving with another.

Good!

If Stéphane or Air France call,

- you warn me. - No problem.

We are able to scientifically compose the hit of the

summer by testing it sound by sound on human Guinea pigs.

Mamour, it's Claudine. We have to be there early.

I'll jump in a taxi and pick you up. See you later, honey.

- Is it the Seychelles? - Tickets, please.

Thanks.

So.

- Me waiting for you at the upstairs bar. - Okay, okay.

Here, my sister.

The ticket, please.

I gave it.

This is only the cover, without ticket.

- It's not possible! - Look.

I see, but... Jennifer!

Jennifer!

Jennifer!

You screwed up, giving me an empty wallet without a ticket.

No. Me leave, you stay. That's all.

You don't mess around. You give ticket to me.

You stay.

- Why? - That's life.

No. Life is you, me, the sun, the Seychelles.

If you leave without me, you'll be bored.

- Jenny baby! - Bobby!

Step back.

Bobby's going with me. My French teacher.

Pleasure to meet you. Ciao, professor!

Ciao.

Jennifer!

You won't leave me alone, without an apartment,

without money, without love!

Helen!

- She left? - In the Seychelles.

She left a note.

"Sorry, but I'm the one leaving with Stéphane.

"No hard feelings and happy holidays. Your sister, Hélène."

There was no need to rush.

They're talking nonsense.

- Shall we have a drink? - Can't we go through customs?

- I'm thirsty here. - Good. As you wish.

- Did you see? There's Helen. - Where?

It's nice to have come.

- She's going to hit US. - What blow?

She wants to leave so much that she's going to pretend to be me.

3 years ago, she left for the weekend with a boyfriend of mine.

Oh, the bitch! And the guy saw nothing but fire?

Me, she hits me like that, I notice it right away.

Cheer! Are you two leaving?

And your hair, Hélène?

No. It's Claudine. It's written on it.

- It is his. She lent it to me. - But yes.

I preferred you with long hair like... Hélène.

Do you prefer Helena?

She is 100 times better.

- Are you kidding me? - I wouldn't.

How long has it been?

- But from the beginning! - Bastard!

What an actress!

Calm down.

You're hanging out with my man and I shouldn't say anything?

Hey, you're not pushing the envelope... alright.

Bye darling. Have a good trip.

- And your girlfriend? - She's waiting for me in transit.

Bitches!

Mr Memphis,

- an autograph, please? - Bitch!

Hey! My stuff!

Hey!

- I haven't finished, Hélène. - I'm not Helen.

Ok. Claudine and Stéphane are gone?

Stéphane left with Hélène.

- Is that your sister's jogging? - Yes.

- So you speak Japanese? - Yes.

Follow me.

Yamada, meet a friend who speaks Japanese.

Does she speak Japanese?

Perfectly well. Just a charming French accent.

Thank you Yamada.

We're going to talk quietly. There is something that escaped me.

- Do you want to sleep here? - Yes. It's quiet.

It's quiet... but it's forbidden.