Desperate Housewives

Previously on "Desperate Housewives"...

That woman is a gold digger.

There was a shocking announcement.

Proposal?

She's the one. I know it.

The other night was a mistake.

A surprising move.

And Mr. Logan?

A dangerous disclosure.

I'll tell you where she lives when I get my a thousand dollars.

A stunning discovery.

- What are you doing with a picture of Rex? - He was my father.

And a welcoming embrace.

You should never trust family photos.

They are designed to be misleading.

A mother's bright smile may hide a lifetime of disappointment

a son's sweet expression could conceal boundless rage.

A daughter's sedate pose might obscure years of un-lady like behavior.

And as for that father with the air of dignity, there's always the chance...

He has another family elsewhere.

I..I don't know what to say.

Well, I'm not surprised.

It's a shocking bit of news, to say the least.

So you're my brother?

Half-brother, to be precise.

I can't believe this.

Andrew, you have every right to be upset.

Your father should have told us about this years ago.

But please don't be angry with Sam. It's not his fault.

I'm fine. I just, uh, need to be by myself for a while.

Of course. We understand.

If you don't mind, I'll hug you later.

Take your time.

Well, he certainly handled that better than I expected.

When the shock wears off,

I think we'll end up good friends.

And wait till you meet Danielle.

Her flight comes in tomorrow,

and I just know the two of you are really gonna hit it off.

Don't you agree, Orson?

Uh, yes, I'm sure.

Sam, would you mind locking up the test kitchen?

Happy to.

Again, thank you for everything.

So when did you speak to Danielle?

Oh, an hour ago, and she was just as stunned as Andrew,

but when I said I was gonna have a little dinner for Sam,

she was determined to be here.

Well, you've certainly wasted no time

welcoming Sam to the family.

Why not? That skeleton's been kept in the closet long enough.

No, I understand. And I agree that Andrew and Danielle

should try to make a connection to Sam.

He's their blood relative.

I'm just not sure why you're so excited by it.

Excited?

I'm ashamed.

Ashamed?

Rex kept that boy in the shadows for years.

I can't look at Sam without feeling overwhelming guilt.

- But you have nothing to feel guilty for. - It doesn't matter.

Rex is gone, and someone needs to make it up to him.

He is a Van De Kamp,

and I am gonna see to it that he is treated like one.

Yes, be careful when looking at family photos...

like certain members of the family,

they are not to be trusted.

Every year, Oakridge Private School

held a fund-raising drive.

Students were asked to sell $3 bars of chocolate.

Whoever sold the most would receive a prize.

Of course, for someone to win,

someone else had to lose.

Hey, M.J., have you gone in and gotten your candy yet?

No.

Well, you better hurry up,

'cause I already saw some kids selling candy outside.

- It doesn't matter. - Why not?

'Cause I'm not gonna win.

I never win anything.

You promised him he'd win?

He was about to cry. What was I supposed to say?

How about, "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again"?

He tries all the time. He never wins anything.

He's horrible at sports. He's lousy at card games.

Let us not forget his humiliation

at that spelling bee.

Why did he think "kayak" had a "q" in it?

My point is that I want him to feel good about himself.

Every child should win something at least once.

See, you win everything.

I know what it's like to lose.

Dear God, not the jump rope competition.

It was sixth grade,

and there was a jump rope competition.

It was down to me and Barbara Briscoe.

She had asthma, and it was dandelion season,

and her eyes were swollen, and she was jumping blind,

until... her mom...

Gave her an antihistamine shot...

which is technically a steroid...

and she was juiced!

So are you gonna be supportive or not?

Yes, I will,

if you promise

to never tell that story again.

Was good?

Oh, if I had any government secrets, they'd be yours.

Irina? I'm sorry. I need to get the laundry.

Hold one second.

I am yet to get decent.

Come in. Thanks.

Huh. I thought I made that bed this morning.

Um, I, um,

take nap.

Feel much better.

Yeah.

I'll bet you do.

Well...

I will see you downstairs.

Man, that was close!

Aw, crap.

Your father and I told you

no sleeping together in this house,

and here you are, openly defying us.

Well, not openly. We were hoping to get away with it.

That is not funny. Your 11-year-old sister is in the next room.

I don't want you setting that kind of example.

Dude, look out. Mom's back from the store.

Oh. Uh, this is what I was looking for.

I better get dressed.

Preston! Preston, get back here!

I don't want a repeat of this, Irina.

Do you understand?

Why don't you just speak truth?

I mean, if Preston was seeing another girl,

you would not much care.

You just don't like me.

That... is not true.

I'm still getting to know you,

and I am sure that over time,

I will come to think of you as a valued member of our...

Oh, here's what I was looking for.

Well, you were right.

That was more refreshing than taking a nap.

Mm, I told you.

- Uh, honey? - Yeah?

Don't dress in front of the window.

I'm afraid of what your body could to do Roy's heart.

Whoops.

So, uh, did you ever call him back?

Yeah, this morning. Mrs. McCluskey had her surgery,

and apparently, she's cancer-free,

so Roy's throwing a party to celebrate.

Oh, that's so sweet. I hope you told him we'll be there.

Can we talk about that?

I told him we'd go,

but I don't think we should go...

Together.

What do you mean?

Well, it's just... except for Susan,

people don't really know what's going on with us.

Hey, you know what's funny?

Neither do I.

So... what is going on between us?

I mean, are we friends with benefits?

Are we just dating? What?

Do we have to put a label on it?

No, I just...

I just want to know how you're feeling.

I really like you.

That's how I feel.

Can't that be enough for now?

It could be,

but it could also be pretty wonderful

to let people know how happy we make each other.

I... don't know.

Hey.

I was right about the nap.

Hello, ladies! Hide the booze.

- We have a guest. - Hey, Juanita.

Okay, hit it.

Hi. My name is Juanita Solis, and I'm in the third grade.

You're losing 'em. Get to the pitch.

"Won't you support me?

I am selling candy so I can stay in school

and not end up on the street selling drugs."

I'll take it from here. It's a fund-raiser.

3 bucks a bar. Whip out your wallets.

Well, I'd hate to see Juanita on crack, so I'll buy one.

- Me, too. Do you have caramel? - One lousy bar?

Ladies, it's a contest. Juanita plans to win.

Come on. Need I remind you of all the crap I've bought

from your kids over the years? And I do mean crap,

not like this quality processed sugar I am peddling today.

Juanita, M.J. is playing in the other room.

Why don't you go join him?

Here's the thing... um, before you got here,

Bree and Lynette agreed to buy eight bars from M.J.

It's okay. They can buy from Juanita, too.