Friends

Uh, okay, Ross.

I realize that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but, uh...

- Let me explain, okay? - We weren't doing anything!

Rach, he just saw us.

Shh.

Uh, but what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.

- That's a lie! We also kissed in Barbados. - Dude, chill!

Okay, we also kissed in Barbados...

...but we didn't plan it. The only reason that happened...

...was because I saw you kiss Charlie.

Yeah, you started it! I have got to chill.

Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened.

- But... - Oh, we feel so terrible about this, Ross.

Yeah. But it did happen.

So...

Ross?

Can we just close the door?

Ross, say something.

Anything.

So you two are?

Yeah.

And have you had?

- No. No, no, no. - No. No.

But if I hadn't walked in here, would you?

Probably... No. No.

Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this.

You have every right to go nuts.

I'm not going nuts. Do you see me going nuts?

No, but you know what I mean.

Hey, hey, hey.

If you two are happy...

...then I'm happy for you.

I'm fine.

- Really? - Absolutely.

I'm fine.

Totally fine.

Heh. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky...

...because, really...

...I'm fine.

I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised...

...heh, to see you guys kissing.

I mean, at first I was like:

But now that I've had time to absorb it...

Loving this.

- Ross... - It's all working out.

Me and Charlie. And you two.

- You know what we should do? - Calm ourselves?

No.

We should all have dinner.

Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!

Wow. Uh, look, don't you think that would be a little weird?

Weird? What? What's weird? Huh?

The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food...

...because I'm making fajitas!

I do like fajitas.

God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming.

There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.

There's so many ways to go, and this is, like, the biggest decision of our lives.

There's a hair in my coffee.

- Hey, guys. Hey.

Have you seen Frank Jr? He's meeting me here with the triplets.

It's funny, every time you say "triplets"...

...I think of three hot, blond 19-year-olds.

Oh, that's sweet.

Drink your hair.

Hey, what's all this stuff?

Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies.

Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute.

Get this one.

That's not really how it works.

- Oh, how does it work? - I don't know!

If you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends...

...Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you.

Thanks, that would be great. - Sure.

Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great?

All right, all right. Remember what we talked about.

When we're in a public place, there are certain rules.

That's not what we talked about!

- Hi, Frank. - Hi.

- Good to see you. - Good to see you too.

Hi, Frank. - Hi. Hey, how you doing?

Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big. Which one is which again?

Oh, well, uh, uh, that's, uh, Frank Jr. Jr...

...pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse.

And, uh, that's, uh, Chandler climbing on Chandler.

And, uh, that's Leslie throwing bagels at him.

"Willing to adopt triplets?" No.

Oh, can I just say, I know we're doing this for Ross and that's cool.

But if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date.

Well, what would we be doing?

I'd take you out for a romantic night.

Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home.

Feel me up?

In a carriage.

- Hey, Charlie! - Hi.

Hi. Hey. Hmm.

So...

...dreading this? - Oh, you bet.

Mm. Mm-hm.

So did you, uh, bring a little something for Ross?

Actually, uh, it's some stuff you left at my apartment.

Oh, well, thanks.

And you can just give me my stuff whenever you want.

Yeah, I didn't throw any of that out. Heh, heh.

Ah, I thought I heard voices. What? Ha, ha.

Hi, Charlie. Mwah.

- Hey, Joey. Ha. - Hey.

And, uh, oh, you're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend.

I'm just kidding. I know Rachel. I know... Uh...

Come. Please come in. Come in.

Okay. Uh, well, we brought you some wine.

Oh. Ah. That is so thoughtful.

She's a keeper. Ha.

- And what did you bring me, huh? - Uh, actually, that's, uh...

Underwear, a toothbrush...

...and a Van Halen CD.

I can use all these things!

Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little, um...

What? Fine? Because I am, huh?

Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't...? You see?

Who else is fine?

Ha, ha. - Come on.

Listen. Why don't you, uh, try to relax. Maybe have a drink.

You know what, that is a very good idea.

I'm gonna go make a pitcher of margaritas.

Oh, God.

So adorable.

Look at them, sleeping there like angels.

- Yeah, I really cherish these moments... Mm.

...because, uh, before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.

Well, they may be a handful...

...but they're so cute. - Yeah.

Oh, God, last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing. Ha, ha.

I haven't slept in four years.

That's a long time.

You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe.

There's just so many of them.

You know, two I could handle.

Two's great. You just hold one in each hand.

What do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on?

I got no more hands to protect my area.

There's three of them, Phoebe. Three.

Yeah, I know, Frank.

I counted them when they were coming out of my area.

Sometimes, I think that, uh...

Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it. It's too horrible. No.

What?

No, no, I can't.

Oh, my God, Frank. Are you thinking of leaving?

Because I didn't have those triplets so you could run out on them.

Oh, no, I would never do that. No. I just...

...was thinking that, you know, maybe you could take one.

What?

You can't separate them, that's terrible! Which one?

Thank you so much for seeing us.

Phoebe has told us great things about you guys.

Oh, please, we're happy to help.

We went through the same thing when we were adopting.

So a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?

I mean, you have a lovely home.

We appreciate anything you can tell us.

Well, actually, I think this might help.

It's pretty much...

...all the information you need. - Oh, my God.

Everything is broken into categories, then cross-referenced.

Then color-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.

Thank you.

I think I just had a tiny orgasm.

I know the process is frustrating, but it's so worth it.

Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us.

That's great. Can I see the book?

You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?

Please. It's just so pretty and white.

Bathroom is down the hall to your left.

I would have told him to do it too.

Can I adopt you?

- Hey, you must be Owen. - Yeah.

I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the Scouts too.

- You were? - In fact, my father was a den mother.

- Huh? - You know how to use a compass?

I have a badge in it.

- You do? That's fantastic. - You want to see it?

I'd love to, but I gotta get back to your parents.

They're telling us about how they adopted you.

What?

What?!

I'm adopted?

I got nothing.

Well, that first batch of margaritas was not so great...

...but this second batch is good.

Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.

Oh, God, this is fun, isn't it?

You know, just the four of us.

Just hanging. Ha.

Dude, are you okay?

And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?

I'm fine, okay? I'm great.

I'm just... I'm just proud of us.

You know? There's no weirdness, no tension.

No awareness.