Kickin' It

Guys, huge problem... Kelsey vargas,

The coolest girl in school, is on her way down here.

Don't panic. We've trained for this.

- Guys, bust out the emergency deodorant. - Yeah.

- I don't need deodorant. - We all need deodorant. We're teenage boys.

Our bodies are a smorgasbord of smells.

I don't take any chances.

I'm wearing a necklace of air fresheners right now.

This week I'm alpine meadow.

I told Kelsey I was a martial arts expert.

And the youngest Sensei in history.

- Jerry. - Oh, Rudy, Kelsey's on her way.

Dude, please hook me up with that black belt.

You can't have this belt.

It's a symbol of hard work, honor and respect.

Well, then why do you use it to walk your dog?

That was one time and it was an emergency.

I had a pug with the squirts and new white carpet.

Look, can we stop talking and get to sparring, please?

Jerry, you're up against Kim.

- Milton, you're with me. - Eddie, you're with Jack.

Jack?

Uh, hold on. My phone's vibrating.

You know, I hate to be that guy, but... hello?

You mean the guy that pretends.

- His wallet is a phone? - Please, shh!

Can you hear me now?

Come on, guys, let's go.

- Hi, Jerry. - Kelsey, what a surprise.

So these are your students that fear and respect you?

Yes, we are.

I'm about to fear and respect.

The living grits out of him right now.

Oh no, not my grits. I'm gonna need my grits.

Yeah, I'd say you've got that move down pretty well.

Oh, you guys take a five.

Kelsey and I are gonna get a froyo.

Oh, come on, Kelsey.

Hey, thanks a lot, Kim.

You cost me a date with the coolest girl in school.

What are you gonna do, Sensei, throw me out of the dojo?

Kim, in the future, let's respect Jerry enough.

Not to embarrass him he's lying to. Rls.

Thank you, Jack. It's called decency, Kim.

All hail miltonius,

The newly-crowned king of narnia!

See, Milton, this is the reason.

You had to go to spring formal with the biolab skeleton.

I'll have you know that bonita is an excellent dancer.

Hey, I know what's going on.

It's that time of year when all the dorks come out.

To play swords and magic in the park.

Or if it rains, we use the bingo hall at the senior center.

We tear it up.

- Hi, Jerry. - Hey, Kelsey.

I was just talking to this kid I've never seen before.

I don't even know his name. Right, Milton?

Really, Jerry?

Guys, big news:

This year you all are gonna participate in the battle with me.

What happened to all your other friends?

You know, the ones that throw up when I try to talk to them?

Well, this year things are a little complicated.

Francis has a bassoon recital,

Jeffrey is a finalist in the mathlympics.

And Louis got grounded for teaching his cockatiel bad words.

Dude, we're not gonna be a part of your nerd fest.

Very funny, Jerry.

Nerd fest is in Minneapolis in October.

See, Milton, a bunch of dudes in tights,

Running around the woods beating each other senseless.

With foam swords... it's just not our thing.

Well, it's my thing.

And I wanna share this moment with my best friends.

- That's you guys. - I don't know.

I just quit the cello.

And threw out my panda bear backpack.

I'm just starting to get cool.

Come on, just give it a chance.

Soon you'll know the exhilaration of bounding down a hill,

Cape aflutter, to slay a half-elf with a foam rubber axe.

Are you with me? All for one and one for...

Gah!

I probably lost 'em at "cape aflutter."

I can't believe my own friends bailed on me.

I don't know... running around the woods,

Beating other dudes senseless with foam swords...

That just sounds like a good time to me.

I even rented them costumes and everything.

You know what? I love stuff like this.

Are you saying you'll go into battle with me?

It would be an honor, my lord.

Wow, you may be the only real friend I have.

With this bo staff I dub thee

Rudy, my faithful squire.

I can't believe it. I'm a squire!

I'm a squire! I'm a squire!

You know, I don't think this squirey thing is for me.

This Turkey leg isn't gonna salt itself.

Dang it, I left my grape juice in the porta-peeper.

What are you waiting for? Go get it.

Aah! Uh!

It's so hard to find good squires these days.

Oh, guys, check it out.

I smoothed everything out with Kelsey.

I promised I would never lie to her again,

And I got a date with her this afternoon.

- Yeah! - The kid is back in the game. Whoo!

Nerd alert.

Greetings. We are the dark knights,

Warriors known for being brave and ferocious and...

Ferocious?

Sidney, you cried in science when your fruit fly died.

That fruit fly left behind 3,000 babies.

Milton said he put together a band of loyal warriors.

That will finally capture our grail and defeat us.

Huh, like that's going to happen.

Ha ha ha haaaa haaa haa.

Dude dude dude.

That evil laugh is so not working.

Thanks, Benny.

You told me it was intimidating.

Whoa.

Guys, Milton called us his loyal warriors.

Now he's gonna be out there all alone.

Against a flock of dweebs hopped up on honeybuns.

Uh, Jack, are you saying we should go to the park and help him?

Because, uh, I... I can't.

My aunt Charlotte...

Yeah, she's coming in from Charlotte.

And we're gonna gowatch "charlotte's Web."

Wow, I am not good at lying.

Look, Milton's always been there for us.

Jerry, what about the time where you tried to get Kelsey jealous.

By making her think you were dating a cheerleader?

Who helped you out?

Wow, you're right. He was there for me.

Did you know that Brian donnelly actually asked him out?

- Ugh. - Eddie, what about you?

You hate going to visit your Nana.

That's because she always wants to do things to my hair.

But who always goes with you?

I love it. I'm gonna rock this new look.

Sometimes I think Nana loves him more than me.

And I'm okay with that.

And, Kim, what about that time.

At the st. Patrick's day concert when you lost your voice?

Who got you through that?

Guys, I think you know what we have to do.

Seriously?

Is this really what we have to do?

Yes, it is.

Come on, let's go to the park.

I don't get it.

Why do I have to be the princess?

I am not swapping.

Hey, lady, eyes up here, okay?

Oh, these sexy legs are a curse.

I can't take this anymore.

It's hot, my feet are killing me.

And these elf ears are starting to get sweaty.

You don't get to complain.

We could have stayed on the path to the battlefield,